The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

This has given me chills….are you an empath/spiritual? Spent Friday night in hospital with my DC. And as many of us know, we’re only as happy as our unhappiest child.

Im not sure if this is coming across in my very recent posts but I have been starting to think I shouldn’t be dating because my personal life is really quite complex, and probably will be for a long time to come due to the above. It contributed to the end of my last 3 relationships.

I contacted Mr Tux and politely cancelled our date for later today without going into too many details, and he was lovely about it and very understanding.

Edited to add….what have I missed with MrX?? I only skim read the replies because I’m feeling very “meh” at the moment but then went back and read your reply properly. How did this dinner come about?

Oh lovely, so sorry to hear this. Is your DC still in hospital? Do you have real life support?

You are right, it's impossible to be happy when the DC are not - their suffering trumps everything.

Sending lots of love. Xxx

I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have lost somebody like this. As you say, nobody is fully perfect, but it sounds like he was pretty perfect for you....

In a way, when you compare future men to him, and see them wanting, that's him still taking care of you and showing his love, because he is saving you from relationships with lesser men who are not worthy of you and would only break your heart.....

Thank you lovely Lurchers. DC was discharged yesterday afternoon thankfully, but it’s unlikely to be the last similar admission.

I don’t tend to talk about it too much irl but my manager is very supportive if I ever need time off for appointments or just an hour away from my laptop. DCs dad turned up at the hospital, which was just an absolute treat 🙄 I have zero feelings towards him (positive ones anyway), but he remarried over a decade ago and went on to have more DC. And I always just feel very pathetic around him, particularly due to my numerous failed relationships. My DC is an adult so we rarely have to see each other, only regarding health issues, but I always come away feeling the same.

@empirebiscuits12 im sorry to hear that, it’s very hard when things aren’t good for any of our DC.

@Nosdacariad I missed the pending date, hilarious description why of why must men monologue so much.

It's totally true that we are only as happy as our unhappiest child. If I can support at all do pm me. DD2 ( 19yo, younger of 2) has run the gauntlet of psych services up to and including psych intensive care 😘😘😘

The MrX story is pretty boring really. Finishing with him brought me here though 😁

Ahh that sounds tough. With the complication of ex.

it’s hard when children are suffering.

Oh God that makes it 100% worse. At least I only had myself and the kids to worry about 💐

It doesn't count as a date really. He's 2.5/13 of my non negotiables 😁

After reading some of the Planesian drivel he has written online on one of the harem's blog which was supposedby her to be "a space for intelligent women to discuss relationships" he has "as a man" splained all over it. I wonder how she felt about that.

Never read such psententious pself pserving psychobabble 😱

Sorry to hear this lovely - that really is all you need!

Wish there was something I could do to help. X

You are quite right. To be honest, the "attraction" I feel (I don't know if that's the right word for it even) I don't think is even to him as such - it's more to this imaginary version of the life the three of us could have together. And I'm sure it's totally fictional!

When I left him, he begged me not to but I was determined, and felt sure it was the right thing for DD as well as myself - I felt we argued too much to provide the calm, stable home life she needed, and that his last affair was so public that it humiliated me and, had she been older, her too in a way (his affair partner was/is the mother of another girl in her year at school - pure class, aren't they?)

For a long time I felt no regret about leaving, especially as I feel we have established pretty strong, effective and courteous co-parenting routine and comms.

But since I have been single and felt comfortable spending more "family time" with them both, it's felt so nice that I just picture it being like that all the time. That's what attracts me, really. In terms of him as a person, he is charming and good company and I don't NOT fancy him (IYSWIM) though it has never been thestrongest chemistry ever - nothing like the chemistry I have had with FWB for example....

I'm sure it wouldn't.....

I guess when you think about the three of you together, and I TOTALLY get that feeling of wanting to put your family back together, you have to overlay the unease of not knowing what he's up to 😭

The familiarity and hope is heady.

been there. DC dad used to ask me to stay for dinner when I dropped the kids off. He’s a good cook so I said yes. It became routine the kids liked it. Ultimately tho we split up again. I think you have to be intentional and have conversations if you want to go down this road. Does he want to?

@Ilovelurchers I’m glad you made that decision. I’m just catching up on the thread and agree with the others that it would be best to stay in your own accommodation. I think you should keep unpacking why it is that you feel drawn to going back to your ex and what you truly think you are missing. Objectively he didn’t treat you well in the end.

So glad to hear you’re feeling more settled with things.

@comingintomyown That sounds like a difficult situation for both you and Mr Chef. On the one hand I can see why you want to be as supportive as you can be, to make sure he gets the time he needs to support his family. But ultimately if you’re not getting what you need out of the relationship then it’s a no-go. I really hope he pulls through for you for this upcoming event, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I have been back on the apps again this week after a break, and have a date with Mr Shore this Thursday. We actually matched before previously but it was a time when I was just totally feeling over the apps so I’m pretty sure I unmatched him!

One thing I’m wondering about - his profile says (and I’m paraphrasing) that he sees himself as genuine and he values other people being straight up with him - so if someone’s profile says they don’t drink and it turns out they do then he would see that as a red flag. How would you feel about this? On the one hand I really value it when men are straight up with me - it’s super important. But I also usually steer well clear of anyone who states their red flags in their profile.

The rest of his profile is quite normal and positive though 🤷‍♀️

At least it's a sensible red flag.

Not "wear the correct amount of makeup"

I’d be ok with that. I like straight talking and not second guessing.

I realise I have no outfits suitable for dates. I’m also v v short and feel like my usual fly trainers won’t work
when I’ve done dates off old before I was in my 40s and could get away with most things. Plus skinny jeans were in and easy!

I want to have a couple of outfits ready for when I agree to meeting.

Would you wear a dress?

I find it hard to wear dresses to fit my top half and bottom half
i was considering a skirt /top combo but ive lived in jeans and jumper for ten years and no idea what suits me anymore!!

I don’t know @BoxOfCats, it’s a bit unnecessary in my view. I mean doesn’t it go without saying one doesn’t want to be lied to. Still you don’t know what experience these guys have had online and what shapes what they write. Those that deign to actually write a profile.

@Reginablitzing be lovely to treat yourself to something new

I like people to be direct but I don’t always think it’s necessary to put it on your dating bio

@BoxOfCats is it offputting because it might be protesting too much?

@Reginablitzing sounds like a shopportunity! 👗🥻👚