The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yep very smart

@empirebiscuits12- 6 pack made of muscle rather than beer on the stomach is always a benefit - 12 years is nothing - he’s pursuing I reckon so do you want a massage? Lol but keep us updated and enjoy whatever it is I reckon
@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife- ah we used to have a slow dance/set just before they kicked us out of the nightclub in my younger years - where us females prayed to be asked by the lone wolves prowling round - they went out of clubs forever ago afaik here with all different opening hours I think - but probably a question for my age range after all!
@BananaPopcorn- get not wanting to bother yet - maybe you will soon but Mr Forest was a real bummer - all that to be a forest of dead wood - they can all be so bloody disappointing guys can’t they - it can get depressing. Still glad to see you on here - we will keep you laughing about dates either way!
@AlwaysCarrieSATC- really keen to see how Mr Fun Bobby turns out - enjoy anyhow!
@comingintomyown- what do I know about anything any more but Mr TS texts like this - if we have seen each other that day then it’s mainly a day saved texting! I don’t bother about lots of texts but you can feel that one. If I text instead then response can be a bit flat so I leave him with it. I think it’s just a style some have - he’s rarely if ever on his phone around me tbh - so there’s that and when I’ve seen him text he’s slow so there’s that too. He stepped up a bit when I said not feeling the effort but then again I probably caught the booby orize so who knows! He’s also a full on smoker and I’m smoking more than I was due to that - hopefully it doesn’t affect you that way - or be too distasteful the other. Hope you get some clarity on what do do - gather the information with observations is a good recommendation and you’re doing this - so hard though.
@Ilovelurchers- good attraction is building - as I said earlier I don’t do the compliment much but I definitely need some validation - for example Mr TS used to use ‘come round if you like’ and I hated that.but in person very clear he liked me and never negging- I mean not that that means that much now maybe but I wavered a lot feeling a bit off until I got used to that - you definitely deserve a guy who shows how valuable you are to him - you’re so good at keeping these things up front of your mind - hope it keeps going well
@Nosdacariad- dog conversations are so so much better mainly - I had a cat and he was much better company than most guys too!

Fun Bobby was fun, yay!

His messages are fun because he is sharp with his humour and sarcastic and flirty. (I like that) he honestly makes me laugh so much with some of his messages. I’m honest he’s not completely my type but there’s definitely something about him

I looove a man with a quick wit, it’s very attractive. Laughter is really important to me and it sounds as though Fun Bobby lived up to his name 🤩 Will you see him again?

Yes we’ve agreed to see eachother again.

He is fun and I’m enjoying it 😊
Theres something that makes me feel like he’s probably the type to only be around for a while though (but I can see it would be a fun ride) if you know what I mean. So I think I’ll enjoy it for what it is

@AlwaysCarrieSATC what makes you think he would only be around for a while? Definitely enjoy it for what it is but hopefully it has more longevity than what you anticipate!

Hot PT messaged back after I turned up the flirtometer and I just can’t figure him out. He’s responding with friendly messages but zero flirting back. I genuinely think he was just catching up with me and isn’t interested in that way.

I think I would struggle being with a guy who pays zero compliments again. Was in a relationship with one of these and he would never ever compliment me, whereas I was the opposite towards him. It really shattered my confidence. I didn’t tell him he looked nice so he would say it in return however he would literally respond with “thanks”. Here’s hoping Mr Cricket is just a bit shy?

@empirebiscuits12 maybe he’s a bit shy ? Is there any suggestion of a meet up ?

@AlwaysCarrieSATC Im glad the date went well, will be be named now ? 😁 I too find sarcasm, banter and quick wits very attractive, enjoy it and just see where it goes.

Well Mr Chef chose yesterday to send zero messages. I am reserving thoughts on this until I know if something has happened in France. If nothing has happened and he just didn’t get round to messaging me after what I thought was a lovely break I’m going to be really disappointed. Let’s see.

Absolutely zero mention of meeting up. His messages haven’t given any indication that he likes me, and he didn’t pick up on my flirting at all.

How often do you and Mr Chef normally message throughout the day? Is this quite unusual for him?

Ah ok, well his loss then

Mr Chef is not a prolific messager and we exchange around 3 messages on a flat day. My problem isn’t so much the number but the quality of them, think Hi hope you have a good day etc. I have taken to periodically sending a message saying I would like some attention please and he’s very responsive and immediately sends something intimate/ personal and understands what I need.
I just wish we had quality messaging between us on a consistent basis because some weeks as Tuesday approaches I don’t feel a strong connection to him or im feeling resentful because I’ve felt like I’m not on his mind/ he can’t be bothered. Typically Wednesday Thursday Friday I’m really happy about him and then into the weekend I miss him and feel the weak communication much more and start to resent it.
I think now I know he’s choosing to be in France rather than having to be in France has changed how I see things and I feel happier telling him he needs to put much more effort into making me feel like I’m in a relationship seven days a week not just a Tuesday night.

Well, he’s messaged me apologising for yesterday and that he’s not well. I replied I was sorry to hear that but also glad to hear that as I’d wondered if perhaps our trip hadn’t gone as well as I’d thought. This was his cue to say something but he just said no no and apologised again ! I need to call to mind what someone on the thread said ages ago which is she believes men and women can see messaging so differently

I do think that is true and sometimes men are a bit thoughtless about it. But I also don’t like inconsistent messaging so I understand why it would be annoying x

I just have a funny feeling he will be the type to be full on for a while and then maybe get bored. Which sounds like I’m really judging him 😂. I enjoy being around him though.

PT sounds like he’s interested but can understand why it would be annoying if he’s not suggesting seeing eachother. How long will you give it? x

This was me with my ex. Constantly saying once me attention. When he was away for work I’d just get time stamp messages. Going for breakfast, back at hotel etc. whereas i wanted a proper chat and to feel connected. He didn’t get it. His argument was that i was always on his mind but he was busy.

your guy sounds lukewarm he at least responds appropriately once you say something.

If you dropped the contact what would happen? Would he pick up the slack?

what’s he doing in France? Seeing family?

This is exactly how I felt with Nr TS and in person v text - when I saw him fab and ok for a bit - over the days between anxiety/uncertainty would kick in.

He literally texts as much as I’d need or want him to but that’s not the point is it? Rarely he’d text in a way that is ‘look at this’ or ‘I saw a thing’ and really that says I want to share this tiny bit of my life with you - and I liked that - so rare though - I think this is perhaps something you’d like - connection?

Obviously, Mr TS is no model for healthy relationships- it doesn’t have to be other women though - it’s essentially saying you’re not on my mind and the reason is irrelevant - obviously for Mr Chef there’s France.

Please don’t assume that his texting style means what I’ve out - perhaps he finds it really hard to connect this way? So just can’t. I don’t think Mr TS ever got what I meant re effort - his effort was tick text per day box - I don’t necessarily assume as he has other women to see to but as he genuinely doesn’t understand what I meant re effort- conversely again if we really connected maybe he wouldn’t need to ‘get it’ but would just do it?

I’m glad you have firmer ground and information about him - it is a case of observing often - then making your mind up with what you know - trouble is we fall for the bastards too!

Hope you find a good solution for you - be kind to yourself xx

Ooh - I had high hopes and you did get a good date - 🥳

I get what you mean about how you see him today - short term - but you may see other stuff arhat contradicts that over time. Info gather by observing I guess but definitely enjoy the ride! And keep us updated!

Thanks lovely. I really don’t think he’s interested tbh….i think if he replies to my last message then I’ll give him an appropriate reply and then bid him a good weekend. And leave the ball in his court.

I think that sounds like a good plan. Guys are so annoying it’s really hard to figure out where they at with things sometimes x

They are annoying!
they think we can read minds.

I like explicit comms. Tell me what you mean and if you’re thinking of me.

Fabulous Fun Bobby @AlwaysCarrieSATC !

I hate to say it but I agree @MsJinks not feeling ok and connected between dates is at least an amber flag.

@comingintomyown how do you mean he's choosing to be in France?

Sooo annoying. Can you drop a broad hint? Ask directly what he was hoping for?

i mean this gently, but do you think this is worth it? Are you getting consistent joy out of it? I’m sure you’re worth so much more than what he is prepared to offer you

I think I’m done with this “iron” now if I’m honest. It was nice catching up but I’m not investing anymore time or energy into this.

@Nosdacariad at the end of Feb his Mum had a major medical crisis and for five months the way his family set things up required him to be there weekly. I assumed once that passed the time in France would reduce a little but he told me he owes his parents everything and has been away from France 15 years and now wants to spend as much time with them as he can. Not to diminish his situation I should add his mum has an extremely altered life but it’s not a progressive illness and his Dad is the one needing lots of care and attention throughout as he isn’t processing the situation well - no wonder given he’s 83
I am in the unfortunate position of not really liking my parents very much and have to work hard to fully understand how much he is doing.
However much as this is a laudable choice it leaves him with very little in the tank for our relationship. So him wanting to be with his parents is a choice at this point in time It’s unlucky it happened 3 weeks after our first date and it’s been a leap of faith keeping going at times. That’s why the break we just had was important to me, to get a better idea if I’m investing wisely.
I have a date I’ve asked him to be with me weeks ago and told him it’s really important.It won’t be ideal for him and he’s asked me why but accepted my reason and said he try and make it happen. If he doesn’t find a way to be with me on said date, bar an emergency with his mum, then I think there’s going to be a big problem. I’m going to need him after seven months to start thinking oh she’s my partner I have to make some quality room for her at this point. It’s not that I feel I’m owed a relationship because I’ve been extremely supportive but that in the next couple of months I want to feel like there will start to be a move towards a normally structured relationship because at 60 I don’t have endless time !

@empirebiscuits12 thus far yes he’s worth it, it’s what happens in the next little while that’s going to determine if we have legs