The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’m struggling to catch up with the thread…..it’s very fast moving!

@Reginablitzing did the message just say “I like you” or was there more chat in there too? If on its own then a little strange but in amongst “good to chat at last/enjoyed getting to know you better” etc then absolutely fine! So glad it wasn’t “I love you” though…..can you imagine??!

@MsJinks I’m glad you’ve managed to reach some kind of resolution within yourself. If I were you I’d definitely be more forthcoming with the questions going forward, if he has another solo trip. Just so you can try make sense of things because I can see how it could make you anxious in the future. Sending you lots of hugs, we’re all in admiration of you!

@Clarabella77oooh a reappearing ex! Do you feel yourself getting reeled in? Possible future FWB situation?

My own update - I haven’t heard from Mr Bright, as expected, but I’m okay with that. Last messaged with him on Tuesday.

Ive been messaging Mr Tux and we may have a date on Sunday 🤞🏻

I popped onto Tinder the other night and saw that an ex colleague had liked my profile. We worked together for around a year, and this came to an end about 2 years ago. I always thought he was lovely (looks, personality) and I was single at the time but I didn’t know if he was. We worked together once a week in an office when I was an occupational health nurse and he worked there, but as a physio. So we’d chat in between appointments but no flirting or anything. Just friendly chat. Anyway, I’ve discovered through his online photos that he has a gorgeous six pack, but is 12 years younger than me 😂 Tbh I wasn’t sure if he liked my profile more as a “hi….i see you!” So I matched with him and we’ve sent a few catch-up messages back and forth. I don’t know if he is genuinely interested. And if he is then I honestly don’t see a long term future because of the age gap. But on the other hand…..I did have a huge crush on him and it has now reignited 🔥 I’m not really sure how to approach this?

He was an FWB. I ended it because I could feel myself wanting more. He's come back fishing to resume things on the same basis hoping I will forget my own words three months ago! 😅 But tragically I do feel reeled in again.

Go for it with the work guy!! But then I am feeling naughty.

Yeah those morning/ how’s your day chats are dull!

With one such message I said I’ve done nothing I’m rather dull

😂😂 it amused me

or I’ll afk a totally random question back if I can be bothered. I sometimes go straight to why did your lady relationship break up.

Ahh okay, I misread that. I think this is the trouble with FWB situations, you really need to be able to separate any feelings and that’s difficult for many people but more so women, I’d say.

Ive often considered a FWB myself but I haven’t found anyone suitable 😂 And tbh if anything does progress with ex-work guy then it would absolutely be on this basis. Although I do think the fact I had a huge swooning crush on him may muddy the waters for me in terms of feelings. God, he may not even be interested in me in that way and I’m getting ahead of myself thinking about that six pack 🙈😂 I’m not usually into those types of men but I did really like him as a person. And he’s not an obvious gym buff. My eyebrows shot off my head when I saw that photo 😂😂

Yes it can be so draining having the same conversations over and over again. With Mr Tux, I brought up something unusual he put on his profile and we went from there, and messaged about every weird and wonderful topic. Which he said was quite refreshing. But it’s definitely tipped over into a total flirt-fest now.

No man would like you on a dating app if he didn't consider you that way. Trust me when I say he is messaging you to test the water NOT to catch up. It is easy and less hassle to ignore someone and why would anyone do anything that could lead to an awkward misunderstanding. Just keep the conversation going with an open mind!

Oo physio sounds great!! Just see what develops.

He sent the I like you after an hour long call. Literally a minute after he hung up.
nothing else in the message. I’ve been cruel and not replied at all on my burner. Not gone onto what’s app. He’s sent me a good morning message.
I think im just going to take it really slow and see.

Random is good. Flirting stage is the best.

Hmm yes you speak sense, thank you! There was European football on tv last night and he messaged the minute the game (his team) was finished. So I guess I should’ve taken that as a sign?

I think for me it just feels a little weird because it was always strictly professional (even though I got flutters…..particularly when he checked out a painful shoulder for me 🙈). I can’t see a way to switch the chat to flirting though. I’m normally good at this but I’m having a brain block.

At first I wasn’t sure if he recognised me however I’ve got a very unusual first name. And when I sent the first message it was clear he 100% knew who I was. I feel like I’m having a confidence meltdown at the moment over this and my brain has turned to sausage meat (phrase stolen from the lovely MsJinx 😂).

Hmmm I see. Feels a little clumsy on his part and it’s likely made you feel pushed into a corner? Because now it’s made things a bit awkward. How do you feel? Do you like him too?

Sure 😊 will copy my post from the other thread😀

Think I jinxed it posting this yesterday. After having such a lovely time with him at the weekend, last night I got a long message from him. He was still nice and kind but said he needed to be honest - it basically said 'I really like you, we have loads in common, we get on so well but somehow there's just something missing for me. I feel like there should be bigger feelings there for me and for some reason there just isn't and I'm not sure if there ever will be. I'm not saying I don't want to see you any more because I do, but I also don't know if I can see this going anywhere long term. Which sucks because I really like you. What do you think?'
I've shortened it but that's a pretty accurate reflection of what he's said. I'm gutted to be honest. He's been total green flags and after 2 months I really thought I could see it going somewhere. Although it's annoyed me because why write all that and then ask ME what I think? Why not have the balls to end it with me rather than making me do it (because surely there's no other possible outcome to that really). Anyway. I'm sad 😔

It all went back and forth a few more days and then ultimately he said he wanted to keep seeing me, he was hoping his feelings would grow but he just didnt know. So I said thanks but no thanks, hope he finds what he's looking for. And havent spoken to him since. Next! Except I cant even be arsed with dating apps so clearly am not that arsed about finding the 'next' one 😆

And yes you've summed up how I feel about the inane messaging about cups of tea etc very well 😂

I’ve just opened what’s app and there’s 7 prior messages 😱😱😱😱
along the lines of it’s so easy to talk to you.
can’t believe that was an hour. Ending with the I like you.

I do like him. He is easy to get on with and not at all sleazy. Bonus. But I’m always v cautious and arms length for a long long time.

The apps are so depressing because the dog has better chat.

@AlwaysCarrieSATC FunBobby better be careful he doesn't get renamed Dumped Bobby.

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife I haven't seen that as a question on UK apps, but I wonder what percentage of them WOULD actually ask a girl to dance. If more than 10% you have better men than here!

@empirebiscuits12 go for it! Unless you're late 30s or younger it's a nothing age gap. Imagine if genders reversed. No one would bat an eye.

It's a good filter. A lot of responses you can block instantly and waste no more time.

@BananaPopcorn thanks for the reminder about MrF. Glad you slashed & burned.

😂😂😂😂 eyebrows shot off your head

I actually think it’s less intense if there was prior messages that contextualise it further - sounds like his instant unfiltered reaction post the call! He probably could have filtered it more though it sounds like 😅

@empirebiscuits12 go for it 100 %

@AlwaysCarrieSATC try and keep open minded about him , look forward to the update later maybe hope it goes well 🤞

@Nosdacariad I didn’t know when you broke with planes, end of June isn’t long ago if you loved him be gentle with yourself about having the odd pang

Well I had hoped for a message saying he had a good time and even maybe a thanks for organising. As he’s a heavy smoker I spent fucking ages finding somewhere suitable with outdoor space. By the same token I haven’t sent a message about the break but that is going against my natural inclination, I just want to see if he steps into the space if that makes sense ? We will see it’s only just 24 hours since we parted, I did say earlier I’d struggle I’m quite needy about messages I suppose 🙄

Ha yes it probably is his unfiltered thoughts.
Now I’m thinking ahh how cute 🙈

@BananaPopcorn I remember that from the last thread and like you said how weird for him to be asking you what you think. I hope you are feeling over him now, I know I really liked Mr Chef after a couple of months. It’s all such a risk isn’t it, don’t blame you for steering clear of the apps for a bit 💐

@Reginablitzing do you really have a burner phone, presumably for all matters dating 😬 I’m really impressed with this all the sleuthing that goes on amongst you

Thanks everyone for the advice on former colleague. He replied to my last message from last night, and I ramped up the flirting. So we’ll see how this goes 🙈

I don’t think you are needy, that silence would drive me crazy!

I do have a burner. It’s my dd’s old phone with a lebara sim. Just data for £5 a month. So I get them to call me. Yes just for dating. The guy im chatting to the seeet one. He suggested a burner as he said there’s so many nutty people on old.

With ex I remember saying oh Ive changed my number when I gave him my real one. No questions asked.

@empirebiscuits12hot colleague sounds like perfection! Totally go for it. And 12 years isn't that much in the general scheme of things. I have had bigger age gaps than this that weren't a problem (tho other things were).

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWifeso glad you had a great trip, and I think you are wise to let it stand alone. Interesting info on his phone use - so I wonder why he doesn't message much? I guess some men just don't. When he was on his phone on the trip, could you tell what he was doing? Maybe he uses it more to read the news, or listen to music or whatever. FWB is forever on his devices but rarely messaging (unless he suspects he has a chance of sex with someone - then he is like a dog with a bone(r).....)

@AlwaysCarrieSATCI hope Bobby regains his fun status and is as fun as he promised to be..... Out of interest, how does he make his messages fun? I'd love some fun messages. Mr Cricket is not the most witty or diverting texter I have to say.....

@MsJinksglad you are feeling broadly ok about things now. I think that if you now have greater clarity about how you both see the situation, then at least one positive has come out of all this.

@Reginablitzingi think saying "I like you" can be fine early doors as long as it's not underlined in blood three times, "I really really REALLY like you" type thing. Having said that, you are the one who experienced it and if it felt love bomby (like bomby?) at the time, it's worth listening to those feelings.

Thanks everyone for your reflections on my pros/cons list, which were useful to hear, especially the compliments question. It sounds like most of us value compliments (I have previously been made to feel like a very shallow waste of space for wanting them).

It's possible it doesn't occur to Cricket to give them, or he may be too shy? To be fair, I didn't look particularly spectacular at the minigolf, having come straight from work - but I felt I scrubbed up pretty well for our other two dates.

I do feel that he desires me - I think the kissing shows that, and there is a general sense of pursuit, which I like...... But it's something I will keep an eye on. Certainly not willing to be negged ever again - I have put up with that too much in previous relationships and it's fucking shit!