The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

This is lovely news! 🥂

Just a lurker popping up...

How did you find this?
Are you spending time searching his social media and his ex's social media?

I know its tough but can you remove them from social media or block if necessary?
Or of that feels too hard can you go 1 day without checking and then 2 days and so on until you remove the need to keep checking?
Its keeping you caught up in him and struggling to move on 🧡

Oh hi @SortingItOut I had him blocked but then I unblocked after 🍷at the weekend.

I totally agree with you - I should re block.

When he was blocked he was apparent on mutual friends' accounts. And I saw him active on Match (blocked immediately) so it's kind of opened stuff up again.

The blog was such sententious pseudo psychobabble claptrap. I was up in the night writing a comment that I won't send.

How are YOU?

Ooh no alcohol.....the journey of a break up is never smooth when alcohol is involved 😂

I recently ended a relationship-lite/situationship/FWB with a guy I've seen on and off for a few years and its incredibly hard.
I've not blocked him but have removed him from social media so I don't keep checking anything.
We are likely to see each other socially so I will need to see him at some point but for now I'm just processing it all and feeling all the feelings

@Ilovelurchers Great update! X

Sorry to hear that. It's no fun and I think I'm spectacularly bad at it. xxx

Are you back in the game yet?

@SortingItOut what made you end it?

Warning - Stumps Update
So ladies I hastily changed a few details when posting about Stumps’ holiday as it was getting way too identifying and I panicked in case someone knew anyone - apologies for confusion and man type porkies!

I am now out of limbo - but idk what else I am lol. Anyway, he did want to see me as normal - I ended up going round as normalish - with my short list of questions compiled with Chat that took me longer to do than my final assignment on my degree ha.

I chose to leave fb out of it - I should not have been on there - so not proud of that - wanted to stick with what I knew and tbh I probably wanted to potentially keep this alive without outing myself as being a freaky stalker lol.

Questions around ‘what is this in your view - eg/ FWB etc’ ‘is there anything I should know’ - he seemed completely genuine that he has commitment to me, taking it slow, nothing I should be knowing etc. Surprised I’d think differently etc.
We then went out - all a bit flat/awkward - but ok enough.

I have played this song before and he did seem genuine and a bit sad I was asking, as well as finding it odd l, as actually without fb which anyway was not conclusive as such though 99% obvious- all I could come up with were vague, bit crazy, sounding stuff of inconsistencies- but of course we never got to main question of did someone else go on holiday with you lol.

So ladies, thank you for every bit of support and keeping me going but I’m really shit at this lol and I’ll be keep seeing him I think and just see - I asked, he answered - answers to my questions seemed genuine - so I won’t be going back over it with him and I’ll see what unfolds.

Sorry taking up so much time on this - and not following all advice at all - though not just yours so not personal at all lol.and all been helpful in my week of purgatory- cheers.

Sorry too it’s all me me me! I’ve noticed some good iron updates when skimming and will get back on those in a bit.

@MsJinks it's never too much, keep posting.

I'm glad you're ok, it feels like you have some clarity which is great 😁

So did he go away with a woman and do we know who?

@Nosdacariad AI will be helpful to give tips on how not to cyberstalk him. For eg, every time you feel an urge to go try and see what he is up to, you could try and catch yourself and listen to a specific YOU song instead.

I think he did - or at least arranged to be there at same time with her - I couldn’t under my own rules ask this tbh so there is that. If who I think then some sort of ex or very good friend.

Cheers - it’s really odd given my absolute prolific (and embarrassing) stalking in the past that I really don’t want to with Mr TS - I deleted my OLD quickly to ensure I couldn’t check that. Fb was not a stalk for stalking sake just a look at who he was on there - and his holiday update photos - well idk if I had stalk stuff in my subconscious.

There are/were inconsistencies around things he’d said though as well for me - odd behaviour just before holiday too - but my view was if he wanted me to know stuff he’d say and if there was stuff he was hiding that I needed to know it would come out over time but obviously I’ve now quizzed on that and honestly I sounded very weird so there’s that cringe ha!

Idk why I have lost my stalk! Age? Him? Idk - I feel better for it tbh though whether it serves in the long run idk.

Oh golly is that what I'm doing 😱

You're too cool for school! I'd have to ask.

Fuck - I don’t wanna be a MN cool girlfriend- it was the stalking that gave it Nr - and not totally conclusive as to what she is/ how she was there tbh

I realised I thought @UmberSheeppost was for me (yes I am that self absorbed!) - not you - sorry!

I have today also sent a text to my kids re Mr TS into my activist chat ffs 🙈

I need to stop interacting today lol!

I’m a prolific stalker - actual full blown cos playing MI5 - not this time though and idk why. I think as I don’t like me much when I’m doing it and don’t like what it turns me into - it could just be I hit 60 and can’t be arsed though.

It’s not quite the same type of stalking when it’s an ex but it is about maintaining an illusion of connection I think - impossible in my younger years and for the better I think as you were forced to never know a thing about them again unless you were local.

I mean no judgement at all - I did this for years with Mr Player - but then got less and less interested or bothered. I saw stuff about him on others’ sm and would scour it - he doesn’t have any which is probably wise for a player lol - it kept him in my head though even when it moved from interest to just habit. I’m glad I lost the interest.

I think you will do what you need to do- main thing is you have broken real life connection and I am awed how strong you are - if you need that sm connection to get you through then actually this is being a helpful thing 💐

Does anyway feel like a date gets too hyped up before happening? I’m supposed to meet Fun Bobby tomorrow (I still refuse to give him an iron name at this point) but because the messages have been fun and flirty for over a week I’m thinking irl will just crash and burn and be a complete trainwreck 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like it @Nosdacariad but there’s no need to judge yourself for it! I think when a man makes you confused and things end in an unsettled way, it becomes a very common reaction. Ms Jinks is wise in saying it may be subconsciously about creating an illusion of connection, why we do it? Ultimately though, it harms us, so it’s impressive @MsJinks that you’ve grown past it! I had a bad case of it early last year and had to stage an intervention on myself haha.

Well @UmberSheep and @MsJinks I'll try not to. I just keep thinking of new things to be cross about!

@AlwaysCarrieSATC lowish expectations are wise but you don't want to lose out on the fun of anticipation!

Not looking to date or seek an FWB at the moment, its only been a few weeks and I want to heal properly.

When my marriage ended years ago I went out and slept around to get myself through, when I split from a partner a few years ago I did some healing with mindfulness and found new hobbies and slept around less!!

This time I don't want to suppress my feelings in any way and I don't want to get over him by sleeping around.

Gosh I've grown over the last 10 years 😂

He wanted way more of my time than I had available and despite many discussions we couldn't agree...or we could acknowledge each other's views but when he got drunk he would start messaging and saying I didnt give him enough time so we went round in circles and I just had enough.

Why couldn't you say about the photos you saw on Facebook?
What rule do you have that means you couldn't raise it?
If his Facebook is public then its out there for anyone to see..what's to say he didnt come up as a person you might know?

Did you get clarity on what you are and how do you feel knowing there is a huge secret between you?

That's what I was doing, looking at a public fb page.

It was just my own rule to me to not mention fb - it wasn’t just that comment I could have easily seen that leads me to believe they were away together but stuff like forensic analysis of fb lol which I didn’t like doing - I mean I both did it and have done jt with obsession before - but it hasn’t served well and I chose to stick to what I knew/could know. Maybe too as we’ve just been dating and so I felt I didn’t have enough of a right to he searching and demanding.

I’ve had various opinions on the fb thing - I think all are valid just I decided not to use it - this time.

I’m happy enough with his answers on what we are - this was actually a conversation I was feeling I’d have to have probably next month but bumped it up.

Idk about secret - last night out was a bit flatter between us but idk if that will remain - I can be ok with where it is as idk exactly whether it was as I thought and if it was then could be as friends. Can’t know with him as maybe there is no big secret if she were just there, or maybe he’s good at compartmentalism, or maybe he’s a fatter than fat liar - I trust I’ll know which with time but not sure trust serves us well at times.

It’s a surprise to he how I’ve been with it and not sure why - whilst I like him and our time together quite a lot I’m not desperate for him/to keep him as I have been with others - not mad enough to rage at him - I just don’t know.

I get where you’re coming from and probably would advise similar - one of my kids at least did - idk why I didn’t do what I normally do.

Ah Fun Bobby sounds so fun! I love fun guys and would be so excited for such a date - if only experience hadn’t intervened and I knew 99.9% of the time it would go badly and be a disappointment.

But I agree with @Nosdacariadtoo - anticipation is half of it so do enjoy this bit and best of luck 🍀