The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I was wondering about pig!

@MsJinks how much longer does limbo last?

🎂 Planes' birthday today which may be why I'm wondering if I was too intolerant...

@Ilovelurchers see if I felt like that about a guy I couldn’t just manage on FWB I expect you’ve covered before but why isn’t he partner material

@MsJinks hope you are ok

@empirebiscuits12 can’t believe some of the stuff these men write, I really miss the entertainment value of the apps

Well Mr Chef and I are away the day went nicely yesterday but I felt something off last night although I do think think he’s slowly becoming quite exhausted with the travel/family stress/ job pattern of the last few months this is his first time off and I think things catch up.

One thing though. A couple of weeks ago he said oh do you think I need a haircut and I said no but it needs washing which he took ok and the following morning he made a joke about about he needed to wash his hair as someone had told him it needed it. Anyway it’s dirty again and I’m a bit Hmm about it, he’s got lovely hair for his age and that may be why I am so bothered. Anyway I found shampoo in the cupboard here and I’ve left it in a prominent position 🤣 AIBU 🤣

You ANBU - personal hygiene is a basic.

Glad you're having fun. Have you asked about the "off" feeling?

@comingintomyown why doesn’t he wash his hair regularly?? I shower daily but wash my hair every second day purely because I have a lot of it and my neck issues mean I end up with burning pain there when holding them above my shoulders long enough to hold a brush and hairdryer to dry it. It doesn’t get oily in that time so I get away with it.

Unfortunately, tho the sex was always brilliant, and we get on well on a day to day level, we both find each other impossible and row a lot if we try to have any more than friendship. To my mind, he can't stand any form of criticism, and if he feels he is being criticised he will withdraw completely (often to the comforting presence of a harem-member!). I am sure he would say I am difficult too - too dramatic, too emotional......

He has had a lot of failed LTRs, and, to be fair to him, has now given up on exclusive relationships entirely it seems. He seems to date quite a lot but to be very honest with the women that it isn't exclusive (I do genuinely believe this as he has shown me messages to and from them which make it clear).

I used to believe that somehow we could both change enough to be together - but I don't even really long for that any more, to be honest. I really enjoy the sex, and his company, but I don't see how we could have a happy future. One of the most important traits a person can have, to me, is the ability to say sorry if they are in the wrong. And he totally lacks that.

(And I am sure, as I say, that there are things he cannot stand about me, too.....)

I'm seeing Mr. Cricket tonight - this will be our third date. And he's agreed to mini-golf, which I am very excited about! Though my mom warned me that mern can become competitive in sporting-type scenarios.

It will be a good way to see a bit more of his character, I guess. So far we have just been for drinks .....

@Ilovelurchers I'm the competitive one on days out like that. Mr CS has seen it a few times 🫠 hope tonight goes well! X

I did think that too. They are mainly pigs on there! Some gems.

MrX used to flee the house and not speak to me for two days if I brought anything up. And we lived together!

Have a FABULOUS time! 😘😘😘

@CleanShirt is Mr CS behaving?

@MsJinks how are you?

I am pathetic. I looked at Crashing's fb. It's a bit drippy he has posted a pic of a landmark to get people to ask him where it is. He's blatantly not there.

Not one person has wished him happy birthday on fb.

@Nosdacariad You're absolutely not pathetic. There's only one pathetic person in this scenario and it's him!

Seems to be. Who would have thought being a grown up and saying things would help a scenario? Certainly not me 🫠

@Nosdacariad , is it a the heart wants thing with him ? I ask because you didn’t review him particularly well but he seems to still be on your mind

@Ilovelurchers fair enough , quite a nice back up to have when you need male company I hope the date with Mr Cricket goes well

Well he said I’m going for a shower and I said you need to wash your hair, he said it’s not good to wash it too often but he did wash it ! Absolutely fab day together , he tried on a jacket and I thought wow ! He’s quite natty Mr Chef , feeling good

FWB and I lived together for a while too, and it was the exact same scenario. He would go back to the town he was born in (a couple of hours drive from the one we lived in) and catch up with his massive social circle there, including various exes/close female friends he had shagged. I generally knew where he was as he would send the odd shitty text. But I would be in utter ruins, whereas he would be emotionally just fine, getting pissed, getting lots of consolation.....

It's actually weird to think of it now, as we get on well and there is never a cross word. But honestly, it was Hellish. Looking back, I can't understand why I used to let it get to me so much.

You are so far from pathetic I can't even measure the distance. You are an extraordinarily wise, kind, smart, strong, hilarious woman - it shines through all of your posts.

Loving someone isn't a sign of weakness - not at all. Xxx

@comingintomyown I really fancy him and still love him though we've been apart longer than we were together. I also worry as his life is a slow mo car crash.

@Ilovelurchers thank you. I think that thing our exes did is the worst kind of torture.

@CleanShirt thank you and it's a great sign he was able to fix it xxx

OK I'm over him.

I read a post he put on "ex before me"'s blog which describes his exact MO with me, but before we met.
It also shows his unrequited love for ex over the road.

Guy should come with a health warning.

Agreed. I have kind of blocked it out to a certain extent, but it actually used to make me want to die. I do think it's a form of abuse to be honest, and my counsellor thought it was as well.

FWB sincerely believes that it's just his coping strategy. And he claims that other exes were just fine with it? But I'm if so. So sorry that you went through similar awful experiences.

So sorry also that you still feel love for Planes, and worry for him, which must be so painful. I admire you so much for the strength you are showing in maintaining a distance from him, despite your feelings. You have incredible emotional intelligence and resilience! As well as a warm and loving heart. (The two don't always go together, sadly).

I had a brilliant date with Mr Cricket - I really like him. He was so fun at the mini golf. We had a good chat afterwards about how, if we keep dating, we won't be able to see each other that often (kids, work, hobbies etc) but that as we both enjoy our own company we both feel fine with that.

So I feel like this is something that can gently move forwards - a nice enjoyable date perhaps every 1-2 weeks, and we can see if the feelings and attraction grow?

(There was some snogging. He has a full-on kissing style - I have bad stubble rash now! - but still it was nice. And I felt kinda proud to be seen out with him - I don't know if anyone else ever feels that about an iron? Not saying he is some kind of superior being or anything. But I just felt, people would see us together and think, they look a nice couple. That sort of thing).

Yes you SHOULD feel proud💙

This could be great! You deserve it to be.

Where are you up to with your ex now?

My feelings for DD's dad keep fluctuating wildly at the moment, to be honest. I am having real pangs of missing him deeply at times. But then at other times - like tonight, having had such a fabulous evening with Mr Cricket - I can see clearly all the reasons why it could never work between us, and I should be moving on.

I think if Cricket and I progress to a relationship, it will really help me lay those feelings aside. 'One fire drives out one fire, one nail one nail'. I am a pretty loyal woman - when I fall in love I am very single minded about it. If I can fall for Mr Cricket I think I will quite easily be able to lay the feelings for DD's dad aside. .. which will probably be for the best, for all concerned..

We will just have to see what happens. And sadly, these things take time. Time may be a great healer, but she's no anaesthetist. In my experience, anyhow ......

Omg @Ilovelurchers I’m delighted you had a fab 3rd date with Mr Cricket! 🥳 You absolutely deserve this!! And I totally get what you mean about being proud to be out with someone because that’s how I felt about my ex. However Mr Cricket should’ve been proud being out with you and I’m certain he was 😍

Seeing someone 1-2 times a week sounds like the perfect scenario for me tbh. I’m not looking to move in with someone and I can feel quite smothered quite quickly however I would love exclusivity with someone.

Mr Bright and I have been messaging loosely but Mr Tux has totally stepped up his game and asked about meeting up. He has his DS most weekends though, and he’s quite little. I’ve always tried to go for men without children but it’s getting harder to find these men, plus some of them seem quite selfish. Having his son most weekends obviously will be a massive barrier however I’m willing to overlook that for the right person (and it may well suit my no-stifling criteria).

Your date sounds fab. I did laugh at full on kissing style.

is it iron cos it’s an iron in the fire?

I think I just have one. He’s pulled ahead by a long way. But he’s not mentioned meeting yet. And I’m not going to. But only cos i Prefer things slow.

@Ilovelurchers That’s so lovely about Mr Cricket! I think it’s fine that you can’t see each other so much. I know I would find it hard now to fit in seeing someone more than once or twice a week and I don’t even have kids. The important thing is that you’re on the same page, and that the time you have together is quality time. Sounds very exciting.

This is bloody lovely. I know what you mean about the proud thing. It’s not about status or anything but how they behave. Spanner and a friend of mine were sharing about an experience and he just stood up and hugged her. I was so proud 😊. Fingers crossed Cricket gets a good innings!