Something really lovely ended after only a week, and I’m gutted.

[HelpMeComeToTermsWithThis]

I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I’m absolutely gutted over a man I only dated for about a week.

Im 38, had completely gone off dating. Happened to take a look on a dating app, spotted this handsome guy, and realised we actually lived really close by. He asked me out for dinner the following week but we ended up meeting for a cup of tea the following day and just clicked incredibly quickly. Spent 9 hours together that first meeting and there was loads of chemistry, we laughed constantly, and we both said there was something really lovely between us.

Met a few more times in the space of that week and it was just so lovely. The we went out at the weekend for dinner, had a few drinks and sexual history came up.

Mine is considerably more extensive and out there than his, and he struggled with it.

He has apparently always had an insecurity about his partners’ previous sexual partners. He has been cheated on in the past, and says it makes him feel inadequate.

He knows I’m trustworthy and has explicitly said he doesn’t think I would cheat. He also apparently knows that his reaction is an insecurity of his own.

He ultimately decided he couldn’t have a relationship with me because he knows the thoughts about my past would “fester”.

I tried to understand it and asked whether he thought this was something he could ever work through. He said he’d never really thought about it because he’d been married for so long, and that while he wasn’t happy to accept it, he was stubborn and probably wouldn’t work on it.

I gently said it seemed sad to let an insecurity make the decision without ever challenging it but he seems to have closed the door.

And that was it.

I know I need to accept that he has made his decision. I’m not going to chase him. But I’m really struggling with it because it felt so rare to meet someone where the connection was that immediate, and it hurts enormously to think that something about my past has ultimately cost me someone I really liked.

I don’t need to be told that I should be grateful I dodged a bullet. I’m just really sad and wanted to let it out. Tell me the things I probably need to hear right now.

It just shows what he thinks of women though. "Eeww she's had lots of partners. That's disgusting so I don't want a relationship with her, I'll just use her for shagging occasionally." How dare he think he's got any moral high ground over you! Hypocritical weasel of a man.

I think it’s a bit much to compare me to a heroin addict, a convict, a person procreating with stupid numbers of people etc because of my sex life.

im an intelligent, highly successful professional. I just had a thing for sex outside of the norm, with fully consenting adults.

Completely agree with this. I'm surprised at the posters saying they wouldn't even tell their DH!

I'd rather be honest, whether that involves giving a specific number or not. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would judge or be put off by my past.

So why raise it at all when you’d literally known him for 5 minutes?

I totally agree that the man is a hypocritical tosser. Either way, this was never going to work out, best forgotten and left far behind.

He's not only a POS he's a hypocrite. Can't deal with your number but it didn't stop him adding himself to it. He was happy to sleep together after a week, he offered FWB so he has NO problem with your number at all! He just wants you to feel ashamed.

Seriously doubt his number is very low either when he love bombs women, has sex then isn't "comfortable" that they have had more than a handful of partners.

it’s good that you found out he harbours this sense of ownership over women’s bodies. Why does he think he has any right to have such an opinion on your choices before him? Also knowing he's weird like this how would you navigate a relationship? Anytime you do something new in the bedroom he will hate you.

Because a FWB situation could work, just not a relationship.

Sex is just sex - something two people can do where it doesn’t really matter how different you are as people.

Relationships obviously run deeper.

The FWB thing confirms he's not a good man. Hope you find someone excellent op who never even asks you about your sexual history.

So he couldn’t handle a number of sexual partners above about 6 for a relationship but was happy to gone ahead with a FWB situation?

Yeah you’re well shot of him. This reflects worse on him than anything you told him about your sexual past

Ya well, that’s the other thing… not comfortable with be sexual history, but very very comfortable with how I performed in bed. Told me I was literally the best sexual encounter he’d ever had…. Like, sorry sir… how do you think I acquired these skills 🙄

He will be back, they always are. Question is whether you would want to constantly counsel someone with an insecurity such as this.

FWIW I really don't care about numbers and nor does my partner. Both of us have high numbers, we don't even know what they are! I hope some people's reactions to your number aren't making you feel ashamed! You've had a good time, who cares.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this over him but I think it's pretty poor he is judging your number but happy to add to it whilst not offering you anything more.

This was what I was going to say. He can’t possibly know this, you don’t know each other.

I think it’s good you told him tbh. It would be an instant ick if a man told he he’d been swinging (to me it IS seedy) so I’d rather nip it in the bud than waste a year or two of my life and then be told

I absolutely wasn’t saying it proudly, I really struggled to get the number out. I’m aware it’s high.

well you shouldn’t be ashamed either. I have no idea of the number of men I have had sex with. If someone judged me for it they would never be someone I would like. Let alone love. It kills my horn faster than any migraine.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. You don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t actually want you with all your stories and history attached. I have quite a colourful past, certainly more so than my Dh. But why would I not be open about it? I don’t want to be with someone who is going to get the ick about who I am. Better to know early on that it isn’t going to work. It feels like a shame, but you just aren’t that compatible and that’s okay.

Why?

Absolutely tonnes of women on MN have FWB and they say it works great for them.

That's terribly disappointing for you. But there is something about this very early intensity which can indicate trouble ahead. The guy may have a pattern of being intoxicated by a new potential lover for a short time, then finding out something - anything - about her that doesn't fit his idea of perfection and running away. I think he's done that. Nothing wrong with what you told him. This is 2026 and it's not unusual to have a fair bit of sexual experience.

He knows I’m trustworthy and has explicitly said he doesn’t think I would cheat.

Without wishing to be insulting, he's only known you a week; he doesn't actually know that at all. The two of you don't know each other. You both seem to be having a lot of conversations and expressing a lot of beliefs that really aren't right seven days in. How high a pedestal will you be building when you're getting into this stuff already?

If he can't get over your history, though, better to know now.

Well, we spoke ALOT over the last week. Since we met, we spent 5 of the previous 7 days/evenings together. Got in depth about backgrounds, families etc. Seemed to have very similar values. Said he was completely shocked about my sexual history because it’s not the vibe I give off at all.

The ridiculous thing is, I am genuinely an incredible honest, loyal person to a fault. Have never, and would never cheat on anyone.

He wasn't so worried about your number when he slept with you and offered you a FWB situation... Able to get over it then quick smart wasn't he. He wasnt even able to adhere to his own principles.

Next.

Next time you say ‘that’s none of anybody’s business and I won’t be sharing it now or ever’.

I’ve never had any Man ask that question and it not be a massive red flag, so I’d say you’ve probably dodged a bullet.

I must say I am surprised by the amount of people in long marriages, where previous sexual history is still regarded as an off-bounds subject.

I guess I can't think of any subject that is truly off bounds with my husband. A new relationship, yeah I get it, but surely the joy of a marriage is that you can share everything with eachother?

Perhaps I'd feel different if I had a more controversial past. I don't know.

But he doesn’t know that because he doesn’t know you.

Therefore he’s proved he talks shit 💩

Lesson learned.

Many, MANY men struggle with the notion of a partner with more sexual experience.

Cards a bit closer to the chest next time, luv.