Something really lovely ended after only a week, and I’m gutted.

[HelpMeComeToTermsWithThis]

I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I’m absolutely gutted over a man I only dated for about a week.

Im 38, had completely gone off dating. Happened to take a look on a dating app, spotted this handsome guy, and realised we actually lived really close by. He asked me out for dinner the following week but we ended up meeting for a cup of tea the following day and just clicked incredibly quickly. Spent 9 hours together that first meeting and there was loads of chemistry, we laughed constantly, and we both said there was something really lovely between us.

Met a few more times in the space of that week and it was just so lovely. The we went out at the weekend for dinner, had a few drinks and sexual history came up.

Mine is considerably more extensive and out there than his, and he struggled with it.

He has apparently always had an insecurity about his partners’ previous sexual partners. He has been cheated on in the past, and says it makes him feel inadequate.

He knows I’m trustworthy and has explicitly said he doesn’t think I would cheat. He also apparently knows that his reaction is an insecurity of his own.

He ultimately decided he couldn’t have a relationship with me because he knows the thoughts about my past would “fester”.

I tried to understand it and asked whether he thought this was something he could ever work through. He said he’d never really thought about it because he’d been married for so long, and that while he wasn’t happy to accept it, he was stubborn and probably wouldn’t work on it.

I gently said it seemed sad to let an insecurity make the decision without ever challenging it but he seems to have closed the door.

And that was it.

I know I need to accept that he has made his decision. I’m not going to chase him. But I’m really struggling with it because it felt so rare to meet someone where the connection was that immediate, and it hurts enormously to think that something about my past has ultimately cost me someone I really liked.

I don’t need to be told that I should be grateful I dodged a bullet. I’m just really sad and wanted to let it out. Tell me the things I probably need to hear right now.

@AssassinsEyebrow

an incel

Definitely is.

I wonder what it is about a sexually active and experienced woman who can't be shamed and scared into accepting crumbs from crap men - even when she's feeling at a low! - that hits the inferno button on these guys. It's a total mystery.

How is that misogynistic? It’s regardless of sex. In fact, “men” that would date Bonnie Blue are degenerates.
It’s not misogynistic to have standards.

The fact that you think FWB is a ‘stage’ is telling.

The world is full of different people, as we can see from the thread. Some people will view a sexual history negatively, others won’t. Some people are capable of sharing an opinion without being offensive, others less so.

No, it's you 🤟

I'm sure he hates all women just as much. He sounds very egalitarian in that regard.

It is when those standards are misogynistic.

Is not a degenerate swinging empowered girlboss and has accountability and decent standards

MuSt bE a MAn!

Stop poking the incel everyone he loves it 😂

You don't have to continue posting in this thread, sir.

We've all seen enough.

🤣

Do you need some screws to help you refit your hinges?

That's such a good point about how hard dating is.

You have the audacity to say that another poster is a woman's worst enemy and you write that? and he asked her for fwb because that is all she is good for. YOU are a woman's worst enemy - spiteful, sanctimonious, judgemental and just mean.

I always feel a bit conflicted once it reaches this point. On the one hand, I don't like to feed it because it's clearly getting off on finally getting some female attention. On the other, the rage is still genuine and unintentionally funny. And, of course, they always think they're the first ever to do it.

I wonder why the tough talk clichés have stopped, though. Deal/coffee/truth...

I don't log into Mumsnet to fight women and win arguments.

That's masculine. I'll leave this to you.

Right now, what he needs most is a grip.

The point here is not your "body count" which is a vile concept, however, there are massive red flags all over a 9 hour first date and then spending a week conversing so much with someone that you believe that

"He knows I’m trustworthy and has explicitly said he doesn’t think I would cheat." He doesn't know you at all. You don't know him.

He has apparently always had an insecurity about his partners’ previous sexual partners.

Unless he can get his head around this and deal with it like a grown up, he's not going to be a good partner for any woman, let alone one who's got a past. The only place he should be looking for a wife is round the exit gate of the convent.

He wants a woman that has had sex with less than 6 men, but he's alright with having had sex with fifteen women? This guy you're so sad to let slip through your fingers is a massive prick OP, high time to reevaluate your expectations of what you're looking for. He's seriously lacking.