Something really lovely ended after only a week, and I’m gutted.

[HelpMeComeToTermsWithThis]

I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I’m absolutely gutted over a man I only dated for about a week.

Im 38, had completely gone off dating. Happened to take a look on a dating app, spotted this handsome guy, and realised we actually lived really close by. He asked me out for dinner the following week but we ended up meeting for a cup of tea the following day and just clicked incredibly quickly. Spent 9 hours together that first meeting and there was loads of chemistry, we laughed constantly, and we both said there was something really lovely between us.

Met a few more times in the space of that week and it was just so lovely. The we went out at the weekend for dinner, had a few drinks and sexual history came up.

Mine is considerably more extensive and out there than his, and he struggled with it.

He has apparently always had an insecurity about his partners’ previous sexual partners. He has been cheated on in the past, and says it makes him feel inadequate.

He knows I’m trustworthy and has explicitly said he doesn’t think I would cheat. He also apparently knows that his reaction is an insecurity of his own.

He ultimately decided he couldn’t have a relationship with me because he knows the thoughts about my past would “fester”.

I tried to understand it and asked whether he thought this was something he could ever work through. He said he’d never really thought about it because he’d been married for so long, and that while he wasn’t happy to accept it, he was stubborn and probably wouldn’t work on it.

I gently said it seemed sad to let an insecurity make the decision without ever challenging it but he seems to have closed the door.

And that was it.

I know I need to accept that he has made his decision. I’m not going to chase him. But I’m really struggling with it because it felt so rare to meet someone where the connection was that immediate, and it hurts enormously to think that something about my past has ultimately cost me someone I really liked.

I don’t need to be told that I should be grateful I dodged a bullet. I’m just really sad and wanted to let it out. Tell me the things I probably need to hear right now.

OP you’re not obligated to share your sexual history with potential partners. At the age of 38 it’s rather immature for him to ask anyway to be honest. Would he have preferred that you were a virgin? It’s unreasonable to think that by nearly 40 we don’t have some history, be it sexual, relationships, children. It’s not fair to expect a clean slate from someone who has lived nearly 4 decades. I actually think he’s done you a favour showing his true colours early. You don’t want to be with someone judgemental and emotionally immature like that.

Oh he sounds like a dick in the making!
I’ve no idea what my DPs number is, I suspect very much it is nowhere near as high as mine!! We’ve never even approached the subject. Previous partners are a private matter.
this man’s reaction tells you quite a lot about his nature I think. Being insecure about somebody’s previous sexual partners is a massive red flag - you aren’t his property, he doesn’t own you, and linking it to cheating is bonkers. I’ve slept with a fair amount of people and I am absolutely the most loyal person out there!

Carry on with your ad hominem as you can’t make a compelling argument.
If Bonnie Blue became a successful lawyer 5 years from now, at the age of 38 most men still wouldn’t date her. Deal with it.

I'm not the one that is acting like I have been hurt. Your vendetta against the OP is weird, and plenty of other posters have responded similarly.

Certainly people

You have no idea what you are talking about 🤣

The truth is, many men like the company of swingers and escorts. They don't admit it.

I've had more action than the modest cashier.

You do you, but you should admit that’s not “the norm”, and that automatically excludes you from being a potential partner for a vast majority of men, no matter what all the swinging girlboss cheerleaders in the comments say.

I think people's sexual history is largely nobody's business. Sure, if you have a kink of some sort you would like the other person to join you in, fair enough, but you say you have no real interest in swinging now so the fact you did in the past is irrelevant.

It's telling that, despite knowing he has hang ups about it, he still asked you the question tbh.

This made me howl with laughter.

🤣

Oh yes, they invite them home to meet their parents I’m sure.

@AgileWriter

look, you’re upset by professional, sexually liberated, intelligent, confident women like OP, it’s obvious! Maybe take a bit of time to reflect and educate yourself 😀

Then there are people like me, who don’t care if you’ve slept with one person or 100. I think there are some red flags here. The 9 hour cup of tea date, which you seem to see as sweet and romantic, is to many a red flag, akin to love bombing (although I admit I don’t know the full facts).

Plenty of men would date Bonnie Blue. Many men enjoy what she does.

He’s a misogynist with a Madonna/Whore complex.

In future, treat being asked for a number as a red flag for the sort of immature, insecure behaviour this man has displayed.

And please, OP, don’t go straight to the houses of men you’ve never met. In this case it was only your emotions that were hurt, but that could have been really dangerous.

I’m sorry but you’re detached from reality

Her delicacy is rather jarring 🤣

You're the one detached from reality, alongside your draconian views.

Women like Bonnie Blue don't struggle to find men whatsoever. They throw themselves at her.

Male nature. Wake up, dear.

Women like you are women’s worst enemy.
You want that lifestyle, have it, but accept the consequences and take accountability.
Instead, you attack people who wouldn’t go near it, talk about entitlement.

Those degenerates aren’t men.

They have penises. They're men.

I'm loving all your "deal with it" and "wake up and smell the coffee" as you tell us exactly what society has been yelling at us from the moment we were born. As if you're some sort of well 'ard truth speaker and not some tired, cliche-ridden Internet bro who thinks we somehow missed the memo of what men want because men never mention it.

We know a lot of men don't like very experienced women. We just don't care. Deal with it/smell the coffee/you can't handle the truth/you're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

Evidently, you dislike sexually empowered women.

I'm sure your awkwardness affects all areas of your life.

Hi Op It certainly is a lesson learnt. There is an old saying "what is for will not pass you".
If it were me whilst I agree with you about honesty, some things are better left to the past, however difficult it is.
Good luck time to move on.

Yes. I've already acknowledged that. I don't see that as a problem TBH! Why would I want to date a man who judged or despised me? Crazy.

Yes, you do all that and then come cry on mumsnet at 38, cause your actions lead you to yet another ghosting.
Or you can get good advice and take some accountability for once in your life.