Something really lovely ended after only a week, and I’m gutted.

[HelpMeComeToTermsWithThis]

I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I’m absolutely gutted over a man I only dated for about a week.

Im 38, had completely gone off dating. Happened to take a look on a dating app, spotted this handsome guy, and realised we actually lived really close by. He asked me out for dinner the following week but we ended up meeting for a cup of tea the following day and just clicked incredibly quickly. Spent 9 hours together that first meeting and there was loads of chemistry, we laughed constantly, and we both said there was something really lovely between us.

Met a few more times in the space of that week and it was just so lovely. The we went out at the weekend for dinner, had a few drinks and sexual history came up.

Mine is considerably more extensive and out there than his, and he struggled with it.

He has apparently always had an insecurity about his partners’ previous sexual partners. He has been cheated on in the past, and says it makes him feel inadequate.

He knows I’m trustworthy and has explicitly said he doesn’t think I would cheat. He also apparently knows that his reaction is an insecurity of his own.

He ultimately decided he couldn’t have a relationship with me because he knows the thoughts about my past would “fester”.

I tried to understand it and asked whether he thought this was something he could ever work through. He said he’d never really thought about it because he’d been married for so long, and that while he wasn’t happy to accept it, he was stubborn and probably wouldn’t work on it.

I gently said it seemed sad to let an insecurity make the decision without ever challenging it but he seems to have closed the door.

And that was it.

I know I need to accept that he has made his decision. I’m not going to chase him. But I’m really struggling with it because it felt so rare to meet someone where the connection was that immediate, and it hurts enormously to think that something about my past has ultimately cost me someone I really liked.

I don’t need to be told that I should be grateful I dodged a bullet. I’m just really sad and wanted to let it out. Tell me the things I probably need to hear right now.

Absolutely 😂

My sex drive is high. I have never really counted. I mean, I guess I could try, but I know it's over 100+

Good on you, nothing to be ashamed of. If there was a connection with me, it would not something I would be bothered about - just slightly jealous as mine is only around 15 😂

I would always tell the truth if asked, I am not bothered. When it has come up in conversation its always a few months into a relationship and just natural curiosity on both parts.

Experience.

I never received any complaints. My DH is very satisfied 😂

I’ve not read the whole thread, but

The Fact that he wouldn’t mind being a friend with benefits it’s quite disgusting really. On that point alone, I think I would be waving him goodbye quickly.

Not really sure what to say OP, but I hope you do find somebody nice in the future

You blew his mind with your vigour in the bedroom.

He simply wasn't prepared 😂

His loss, your gain.

But you kind of did, to his ears 🤷‍♀️

I would take that as him saying op is a bit loose and not "girlfriend material." He was definitely judging her morals with that.

Sounds a bit Andrew Tate-y, if you ask me.

OP, don’t tell someone this stuff about yourself. Any man who needs to know how virginal you are before he will contemplate a relationship with you is not someone who will turn out to be a good, equal, respectful partner, regardless of what reason he gives you for asking.

Hint: a good man won’t care. It’s what you do after you meet him that is the only thing that counts. Rise your bar and get your radar working better.

Its really nothing to do with him though!I think its your private business .In future say a few or just say you dont discuss it.If hes that insecure he probably isnt right for you anyway

What a little prick. Please find your disgust and stop feeling sad about a man who never actually existed.

Honestly, to meet me and get to know me, you would never guess either. But people have this view of swinging. All the people that I met were lovely, successful professionals, and the couples were deeply devoted to each other.

And I’ve been in relationships where my partner is not interested in swinging. It’s not something I ever bring up, would never try to encourage them into, and I don’t miss it when I’m with someone.

Im fiercely loyal to who I’m with, love very deeply and am honest to a fault. It’s just a shame he couldn’t see all that and reduced me to a number ☹️

And he gets all pious about it, but not enough to turn down the sex as long as that's all it is.

Prick.

It was none of his business.

Don't sleep with someone who hasn't had an STD test.

I think you've dodged a bullet really.

sweetie chalk it up to experience and move on. Sometimes we do just click with someone regardless of how long it is. But he sounds like an Andrew Tate wannabe with his ideal 5-6 number!!

I will say one thing tho, I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes running back with his tail between his legs.

Doesn’t matter how many people you’ve had sex with, it doesn’t change you as a person!! Next time I’d just say that’s completely irrelevant and move on. If you want to bring up the swinging say you tried it briefly with an ex. Anyone who judges you for it can go to hell!!

That’s why I always lie when questioned and don’t feel bad about it.

Sorry you’re feeling bad op. You’ll get over him in a few weeks.

I do see his side though, if I found out a guy I was dating was an ex swinger I’d run a mile.

And this guy would have dumped her for that too!

Maybe it was in a Sports Direct mug…

Exactly. He’s exposed himself as an insecure misogynist who does not consider women to be his equal.

Lucky escape.

It’s not you who has shown yourself not to be “relationship material”!

I wanted to ask you the same questions OP but wasn't brave enough.
I'm sorry you feel like this and of course, the feeling will pass. x

It's all stupid on all levels
Basis of a relationship..7days..😂😂🤣🤣

Or if one of them had histories of being a serial cheater, or STIs, or drug/alcohol abuse, or gambling, or emotional/sexual/physical abuse, or extreme kink, or criminal record, or a hundred other things.

The logic of "The past doesn't matter, and no-one deserves to know" only ever really seems to be applied to one specific thing.

@HelpMeComeToTermsWithThis with no judgement here… seems he got you in to bed quickly.. and then decided that whilst the sex was hot, you’re not the ‘right sort of girl’ for a relationship. Tale as old as time.

Good enough for no strings sex. Not good enough to build something with. He might honest.. but do you still think he’s amazing as you thought??

Haha, well, I said before we committed to a dinner, would we just have tea first and see if there was any romantic feeling. So I called to his for tea, turned into wine and lots of chat, then he kissed me before I went home. It was genuinely lovely.

Ah fuck, I’m all upset again.

But an informed decision about what? You don’t do it anymore and presumably you’re clean on the STI front so why is it anybody’s business the circumstances in which you slept with previous partners?

But honestly the fact he asked so quickly and judged so quickly makes him not worth your time!

Oh lordddddd....no just no.