The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Anyone have any dates lined up this weekend?

@Nosdacariadwell my first internet foray disappeared so I did as advised :) and am speaking to others. I have 3 dates lined up.. I can't be doing with talking often days and them disappearing!

Nope, nothing 😂

Great job @Thiswillbefun I hope it goes really well 😍

@MrFlintstone same here!

@Nosdacariadthank you! Let's see if my new method works 🤣

Do you know my married friends are trying to rain on my parade. Oh be careful go slow etc. I am well aware of what to do/not do. It is fun :) Does anyone else have this?

I decided to reach out to a guy I went on a couple of dates with a few months ago. I didn’t feel any chemistry on the first date we had but 2nd one it appeared. I’d put a stop to things because it turned out he was quite fresh out of his marriage, so I decided to get in touch just to see how life has been treating him and because he’d been on my mind a lot lately.

He's now got his own place and said he hasn’t been dating or even chatting to anyone since we last spoke, however he’s leaving next week for a month to go travelling with his friend. I’ve asked if he fancies getting together once he’s back. So I’ll wait and see what he says although he’s probably just content with how things are going for him at the moment.

@Thiswillbefun what is your new method?

I have from my single friend "you don't need a man" which is true but I would like one 😁

Oh, and no dates for me this weekend @Nosdacariad. I was kind of hoping I could slide into this guy’s messages and secure myself a date but hey-ho 😂

Regardless of what he says I’m feeling quite proud of putting myself out there!

Good to put the feelers out 😁

And eta you should feel proud!

@NosdacariadTo mention I have met someone and I am keen to not spend ages talking.

Lots of activity on here - I’ll possibly mix people up but no intention of forcing swaps ha!
@Ilovelurchers- have you got any further pondering ex? And how is Mr Crickets going?
@Nosdacariad- do you think short measure beer was manipulating? He perhaps thought it wasn’t moving that way fast enough hence weird comments. Anyway, crash, short measure - next stop might be 3rd time lucky - you definitely deserve so anyway.
@CleanShirt- the text/comm anxiety is real isn’t it - I struggle with this but get anxiety about nothing else - it’s not nice. I dislike too much texting, I dislike ‘I’ve had crunchy nut cornflakes, how are you? texting (mr not for me didthis day after first date as most on here might recall as ugh ha) - Mr T though is very present in what he does too - and that’s great for when I see him - idk how to explain what I feel about our comms as it’s a bit ephemeral really - I agree with lurchers most decent folk will try adapt though.
@empirebiscuits12- good on you contacting that guy - always remember what a prize you are
@Thiswillbefun- yeah folk love to share their opinions and forget to listen to yours. This OLD lark should be fun - it can be - I used to take myself off when the fun stopped each time and changed into chore - when I wanted to though! 3 dates is good - hope they’re all lots of fun.

Yup. I get a lot of negativity. Do you know who they are? NO! I met them on a bloody website! But time will tell.

I’ve met dire guys in person too - websites therefore aren’t unique to this - but it’s an added excuse for the negative Nellie’s to comment I guess!

Don’t listen - or just agree and say that’s the thrill of it all ha!

@MsJinks you are so good with the twisted names!

Short measure!! I took his answering the door in a towel at face value but maybe.

From limited experience I observe that some men would rather inflict their ED on one woman after another (deep down I think they believe it is the woman that's wrong, not their bodies needing a little help) than just chat to their GP.

I had no intention of sleeping with short measure at least until his female friend "temp lodger" moved out.

@duckingcluelessThat made me laugh! Internet dating means they are on the internet :) Someone else told me this week that I seem too positive about my situation and should careful. I got a promotion without knowing I would single, my exH decided to leave me and we have to sell the house. She was saying it's too much change at once but all 3 situations were not of my choosing. She was judging me for something beyond my control - very annoying! I think she would prefer me to sit at home weeping. She doesn't even know about the dating!!!

@MsJinksI am just not telling one anymore. I need to find single friends :) It's great being on this thread as I feel normal rather than something in a circus!

I don’t get the negativity because if you met someone in a pub you wouldn’t know who they were either! I do think it’s true that you don’t really know someone for the first couple of months though, OLD is no different for that and I just wouldn’t really meet many people if I didn’t use it.

I’m getting a lot of ‘Be careful ‘ with Mr Spanner because of the financial/ housing gap. Driving me nuts because I am already paranoid about it and if the genders were reversed it wouldn’t be an issue! I am hosting more but he is very much making an effort with date planning and paying equally for things even though I can afford more. It’s been so frustrating 😤

Hope you cut her out of your life, did you ask her advice?

It's no problem so long as you are alert to it.

I was very wary of it with Planes and nothing would have made me let him move in unless I saw how he managed independently first.

@NosdacariadI did not ask her advice! She is part of a wider group and I decided not to see her again..I don't need any negativity!! I seem to have a date later :)

Nice work and 🌟

That's an appalling thing to say - "too positive about your situation"? She's prefer you to be, what, crying and miserable?

She is probably intimidated by your resilience and independence - and maybe jealous? I think sometimes friends who have been in a serious relationship for a long time can slightly envy single friends their "freedom" - good friends are honest about that. (One of my lovely friends has been with her husband since she was 16, and always says that though overall she is glad to be with him still, part of her would love the excitement of a first date, first kiss etc).

But in people who are less open hearted, I guess it can manifest in this sort of pissing on your parade, which is NOT what a true friend does in my opinion.

I do find some male friends (in particular) can become hyper-protective and keep stressing the importance of safety measures when dating more than is needed. I find that one a bit difficult to respond to because yes, it's good to acknowledge dating can be dangerous for women, but take that too far and it feels like being told what we are and are not allowed to do - it's quite paternalistic. I think as intelligent women we all know the risks, and it's up to us to decide how we handle them, which is a very personal.choice.

One of my friends, for example, who is open to NSA stuff, has guys over to her house for a first meeting. That's not a risk I would take personally, but she knows the risks, she's an adult, she does things to negate them (texts me or another friend before and after....) I think it would be patronising and unnecessary for me to keep going on about the risks - she's not stupid.

Sorry, that was a bit of an essay......