Page 6 | Partner broke up with me after birth. Homeless now!

YourWildAmberSloth · 04/08/2026 17:49

How big is the house? Did he get it while you were together or before? Assuming HA wouldn't have offered a single man a family sized dwelling.

Onmytod24 · 04/08/2026 18:00

The poster full of contradictions I can’t believe you’re a real person. You’re a composite of about 10 of them. Nothing makes very much sense.

RubyQueues · 04/08/2026 18:02

NotTheHRPolice · 04/08/2026 17:24

So much of this is utterly unbelievable.

A stick on nail business where the nails are in the UK but the customers are all in the US?!

Together for 4.5 years but have a child old enough to have been at school already?

Able to get £30k in credit whilst being on benefits?

Studying goodness knows what to become an investment banker? An industry known for being not at all family friendly and requiring long working hours and intense stress when you are already dealing with mental health challenges.

Massive debts, no savings or security but going on a holiday with 2 disabled children and a baby that is weeks old and has not had any vaccinations yet?

Allowing a partner to sleep for most of the day while you struggle with managing everything else including shared custody and 2 disabled children and then not taking sufficient precautions to ensure no more children come along.

Living somewhere where you are entirely reliant on someone else to facilitate contact with your eldest child.

Allowing any unsupervised contact with a parent that isn’t even awake long enough to be an active parent when those children are severely disabled and a tiny newborn?!

It’s worse than a soap opera.

Exactly, it can’t be real. Who has this much time on their hands to make stuff up and post online.

what’s your motivation @Jasmine93??

Whatdidyoujustcallme · 04/08/2026 18:13

OP disappeared. This isn’t real, at best it’s a plea for middle class MNetters to PayPal money, at worst it’s someone doing it for shitz and giggles

Sidebeforeself · 04/08/2026 18:15

Interesting that MNHQ are being selective in which posts they are deleting on this thread

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 18:15

BlackBean2023 · 04/08/2026 06:28

OP, you are panicking.

take a deep breath.

this morning, get in touch with your housing department at the council and explain to them that you have been made homeless. You should also tell your health visitor so they don’t hear it third hand. you then need to make sure you are receiving the correct benefits. Presumably you are receiving maternity allowance, universal credit and child benefit? Make sure you are clear you are no longer in a relationship with him - his benefits will reduce if he’s a single man so he’ll have to get a proper job then can pay you some maintenance.

do not make any promises to your ex DP - he isn’t entitled to have a newborn 3 days per week. In fact, don’t speak to him at all - he’s told you he doesn’t love you and he’d like you to leave; there’s nothing else to say.

stop worrying about pipe dreams - I say this kindly but being an investment banker with three young children - two of whom are SEN - is not realistic so don’t throw more good money after bad with regard to the degree. If you’ve nearly finished then it’s different, but consider other careers. You’re nowhere near getting a mortgage with £30k of debt and no income so don’t even worry about that right now.

He sounds like a total loser OP - you’re well shot.

Thank you, i dont get maternity allowance but applied for the other two. I will call them but now im even more confused about what to do after posting here.

He didn't say leave, im leaving because idk how i could force myself to stay after that. Im not bothered about the debt as im due a pay out and whatever is remaining ill work off.

I know it will be hard but my daughter is level 1 autistic amd speaks and can articulate, really my only concern would be my level 3 autistic child out of the three of them. By the time i finish my degree and masters my youngest will be in full time nursery.

The mortgage is my 6 years plan from now x

OP posts:

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 18:18

Seajaye · 04/08/2026 06:35

If you are at uni speak to the student welfare officer regarding your housing situation and get some debt counselling to see if they can sign post you to assistance, or a woman's refuge.

I don't know how realistic your plans for a career in investment banking are, especially if your current debts make bankruptcy a serious risk.
. Do you have contacts in this field that could help you make the right choices now,?

I dont but i do have some in accounting and could hopefully go from there. Not sure how helpful they could be because im doing a distance learning course and my uni in England and im in Scotland, my debts will be cleared either before or after masters x

OP posts:

Whatdidyoujustcallme · 04/08/2026 18:25

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 18:18

I dont but i do have some in accounting and could hopefully go from there. Not sure how helpful they could be because im doing a distance learning course and my uni in England and im in Scotland, my debts will be cleared either before or after masters x

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How are you paying for uni? Masters? When do you get time to study with everything you’ve listed?

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 18:32

SENSummer · 04/08/2026 06:38

Didn’t want to read and run but equally know I’m not about to win any feminism awards. You can of course be a strong independent ‘you got this mamma’ but that’s not the vibe I get from your post and I’m going to give you the advice I’d give a friend in the same situation.

Nobody feels like they are in love in the trenches of post partum and little kids (I had 2 under 2 and my youngest recently turned 5, hubby and I just said the other day how we feel like we can finally stand each other again and are starting to fall back in love) so this isn’t some criticism of you my dear this is 100% your partner not being mature enough to realise this is just part of the deal and shut up and get on with it through the rough patch. I’m very very sorry he’s done this to you because it’s completely unacceptable.

Heres what I would do…. Sit him down (control your emotions honestly poker face) tell him you know it’s rubbish atm and a mess and you agree separating is the best but it’s a bit of a mess with very small kids, you don’t want to get into child support/custody fights etc. Suggest you carry on living together ‘for the kids’ but that you’re more than happy for him to have it off with anyone he fancies. Ask him not to tell you about it just whilst your emotions settle post birth but basically he can have a free pass. Tell him once the kids are a little older you’ll both go your own ways with no animosity and you’ll be grateful for his parental support and being a parent team during this time.

Id be surprised if he declined. It sounds like this is a physical thing for him tbh. I suspect he will change his mind further down the line and by the time the kids are a bit older may not want to actually separate, but never ever forget what he did to you in your most vulnerable time! I would get your ducks in the neatest row you can and prepare to leave as soon as you can x

Thank you 💜 i honestly dont think i could try again after this im just ready to cut my losses and leave so i can heal, it won't be easy especially with my agoraphobia and having to force myself to be out more but ill get it done. Of course for me the easiest solution would be to stay and nothing changes for me except we aren't together but i will just set myself up for more hurt in future. Its not like we havent broken up before but honestly this time i am done, this is the second time he has deeply hurt me after having one of his children.

He never told me to leave, once he said he doesnt love me and would be forced to marry me over a very small argument while i was less than 4 weeks pp and nearly bled to death having his child i was done and told him i will leave. It scares me how a person can lie to your face like that and watch you in agony having his children with everything going wrong and fall more out of love with you. My heart hurts so much. Im gonna go have a coffee and take a 30 min break x

OP posts:

Rumpledandcrumpled · 04/08/2026 18:34

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 18:18

I dont but i do have some in accounting and could hopefully go from there. Not sure how helpful they could be because im doing a distance learning course and my uni in England and im in Scotland, my debts will be cleared either before or after masters x

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I’m sorry but how will you clear your debts so quickly?

RubyQueues · 04/08/2026 19:00

Why haven’t you answered any of the pertinent questions?

who does your daughter live with?
Why do you mention school runs with a toddler and agoraphobia?
why have you a holiday booked if you can’t leave your house?
if you and your partner are seemingly smart enough to become investment bankers why are you leeching off benefits and expecting the state to fund your children/studies rather than getting actual jobs and supporting yourselves?

shellyleppard · 04/08/2026 19:04

@RubyQueues cloud cuckoo land

NotTheHRPolice · 04/08/2026 19:24

The mortgage is my 6 years plan from now

Won’t be happening. The market is horrendous for graduates as it is. A career in finance when you have e £30k of debt now is an absolute pipe dream.

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:29

WhisperingHi · 04/08/2026 06:44

Your situation sounds very complicated. Am I right it summarising it as:

You have 3 children, one who stays every weekend and school holiday, one who is severely autistic and adhd and the newborn.
who does your eldest live with the rest of the time?
you’re aggrophobic to the extent you don’t leave the house.
you’re studying a degree to become an investment banker, as is your ex? (Never heard of a degree for this btw).
you’re in £30k debt
you have zero family or friends you’re in contact with.
neither of you work in substantive roles.

OP - if this is real then you need to wake up. What sort of environment is this for the kids? Your mental health needs to come first, you can’t spend the next 40 years inside your home. You need to seek help for this and work hard to get your life back. This is number one priority.

When baby is old enough, you need to work. Not selling press on nails to the American public, a proper job with stable income.

You need to talk to a money advice service about getting the debt reduced and made more manageable. Worrying about a future mortgage is silly as it seems extremely unlikely you’ll ever be in the position financially to have one.

You can get through this. First step is to talk to your GP I think about your mental health and a housing organisation.

Yes thats mostly correct. She lives with the other parent and will be moving in here permanently at 16, i havent once said i dont leave my house. I aim for three times a week and i do everyone of my kids health appointments outside. Ive had agoraphobia for nearly 12 years its a longstanding condition that everyone is well aware of whos involved with us. Ive worked really hard to be at a place where i am able to go outside. For the first few years of the condition i mentally could not put one foot over the doorstep i had a mental block that would keep me rooted not able to cross and id stand or sit there for hours trying to go out. Before this i was very social and worked up to three jobs at once because ive been living alone since 16. Previously was in care home and foster care.

Everyone has misunderstood what i said about the degree. I am studying to become an investment banker, i.e we are both doing finance degrees which covers stocks, bonds, investments, securities, accounting etc. investment banking job is the goal. After uni he will be working towards an mba while i do an msc in investment and securities. Im also planning on doing some cfa or cisi qualifications to stand out more. I honestly think investment banking would be impressed with all of our struggles and how we still made it with everything and everyone saying we couldnt.

I know i need to work, hence why we are trying to do what we can in the mean time. I also have ADHD and deadlines are very hard for me so i have my 5 year plan set out to making mine and kids life better. With the press on nails i can work from home it fits in with my lifestyle around my kids. The reason i mentioned Americans is cos thats just who has ordered. Id love to have customers in the UK. I do not believe ill never have a mortgage for my children, i know myself that i wont stop trying until i do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:32

OrangeSlices998 · 04/08/2026 06:46

Because if you leave you’re making yourself voluntarily homeless, and your young children need stability not you panicking. He needs to be doing his fair share so you can sleep & recover! Contact the council and explain the situation, make a universal credit claim for yourself, don’t leave. You’re a grown up you can be pragmatic here, your romantic relationship is over but you have 2 kids together and it’s better to stay put for now until you have a plan. Is your 4 year old at school/nursery? If so I’d wait till they’re back in school after the holidays and you have some time to make a plan and get things right. I am so sorry you’re in the situation you are you do not deserve it.

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Hes at nursery and will be going back next week. Ok thank you so much ill think about it x

OP posts:

Mingou · 04/08/2026 19:33

I'm sorry OP, I admire your ambition but you're not going to be an investment banker. And you're not getting a mortgage in six years.
You are homeless, unemployed, in huge debt and are no longer a student, with significant mental health issues and high needs children, one of which you've lost custody of.

Drivingmissrangey · 04/08/2026 19:35

I honestly think investment banking would be impressed with all of our struggles and how we still made it with everything and everyone saying we couldnt

Literally howling with laughter at this comment OP, thanks for providing some entertainment today 😂

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:38

Seymour5 · 04/08/2026 06:47

I’m surprised if he was a single man, before he was with OP, he got a house from a housing association. Normally they are allocated to families. If you moved in with him as a couple, it should be in joint names. @Jasmine93 might be worth talking to a housing officer from the HA and telling them the situation. If he’s on benefits and you and the children move out and you get the child benefit, he won’t get his full rent allowance, often referred to as ‘bedroom tax’.

Edited

I met him when i was homeless, we lived in this hotel that had been taken over for a few years to house homeless people, he was homeless too and in the next room from me and he kept actively pursuing me until i agreed to a date. Not sure how but he had 45k days of points when homeless and i didnt have any, think i have under 5k to this day.

He actually got allocated a three bedroom as a single man, i don't know how, serious luck he had when he got given a property, I've been bidding for 6 years and nothing and even then only at 2/3 bedrooms with kids on my claim and never close enough. The housing are aware we all live here but have never asked me to go on tenancy agreement with him, i didnt know i had to. If he doesnt get his full rent covered, that's his problem tbh x

OP posts:

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:41

ItReallyDoesntMatterAnymore · 04/08/2026 06:52

OP, you say he's only hit you once but is nasty with words. His behaviours and the way you are reacting tells us he is clearly abusive. You don't love him, this is trauma bonding.

The most important thing right now is the safety of your kids, and you. You phone your local council, tell them you are homeless dye to abuse. The homeless team will liaise with a DV charity and find you either a refuge of emergency accommodation.

This is not about love or blaming yourself. Your MH struggles will partly be down from living with this man.

Go get help, for your kids.

Thank you so much, i will, i am worried about what they can offer as well as i need to sterilize baby bottles and most of them dont have the facilities, the housing crisis in Scotland is crazy right now. X

OP posts:

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:43

Zanatdy · 04/08/2026 06:56

I’ll repeat this. No court will give joint custody of a baby. You think they haven’t met men like him before who make up lies? Seriously there is no way i’d be giving 50% custody of a newborn to a man who left me days after the birth. I would not be allowing overnight for the baby for 6 months min and there’s not a judge in this country who would grant 50-50 for a small baby. So it’s your choice if you want to, but it will be a choice.

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Oh i didnt know that was such a thing that baby really had to be with mum, I'll have to research more into this, thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:47

Inmyuggs · 04/08/2026 07:01

First thing is a house or somewhere to stay
Family?
Talk to the ither childs dad about the change of circumstances can he do thr travel or postphone it if u must?.
This is heart breaking for you.
You need to surround yourself with a supportive oerson or people fast.
Get on a benefit of you must
I am sure you can work out abudget but dont stress to much..easily said.
I am sure once you get settled hopzegully work your way through..
A man can give you the flick it is no reflecrion on you or so called crap sex...oh please ignore it.
I would be on the phone reeling in any help and advice.
You are not alone you have many choices and opportunites a man isnt worth losing your value over ever.
Grab the phone and contact someone fast.
I is exhausting to think about now but possible.
Unbleievable how cruel aan can be i have to say.

I dont talk to my family so moving out will be homeless only as the option. He cant do the travelling as he doesnt drive and they are so rural its nearly 1 hour to the train station by walking. My current ex partner has been doing the pick ups and drop offs for 4+ years cos he has a car. It will be harder but ill just have to get buses and trains and walk to pick up my daughter once i am settled somewhere. My daughter is currently here until next week for the summer holiday's. Thank you for your supportive message 💜

OP posts:

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:52

Glowingup · 04/08/2026 07:02

We are both doing a similar degree to become investment bankers

This was the bit that made it all sound unbelievable. You don’t do specific degrees to “become” investment bankers unless you’re talking about economics or business studies or something. And investment banking for people in their mid 30s on benefits with multiple children, one with a disability, sounds like one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard. How were you and he planning on breaking into this competitive industry?

I have addressed this comment to whisperinghi if you could check that message, i explain it all there in the second paragraph, what i said has been misunderstood by many, where theres a will, theres a way, thank you x

OP posts:

Sdevo · 04/08/2026 20:13

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 19:29

Yes thats mostly correct. She lives with the other parent and will be moving in here permanently at 16, i havent once said i dont leave my house. I aim for three times a week and i do everyone of my kids health appointments outside. Ive had agoraphobia for nearly 12 years its a longstanding condition that everyone is well aware of whos involved with us. Ive worked really hard to be at a place where i am able to go outside. For the first few years of the condition i mentally could not put one foot over the doorstep i had a mental block that would keep me rooted not able to cross and id stand or sit there for hours trying to go out. Before this i was very social and worked up to three jobs at once because ive been living alone since 16. Previously was in care home and foster care.

Everyone has misunderstood what i said about the degree. I am studying to become an investment banker, i.e we are both doing finance degrees which covers stocks, bonds, investments, securities, accounting etc. investment banking job is the goal. After uni he will be working towards an mba while i do an msc in investment and securities. Im also planning on doing some cfa or cisi qualifications to stand out more. I honestly think investment banking would be impressed with all of our struggles and how we still made it with everything and everyone saying we couldnt.

I know i need to work, hence why we are trying to do what we can in the mean time. I also have ADHD and deadlines are very hard for me so i have my 5 year plan set out to making mine and kids life better. With the press on nails i can work from home it fits in with my lifestyle around my kids. The reason i mentioned Americans is cos thats just who has ordered. Id love to have customers in the UK. I do not believe ill never have a mortgage for my children, i know myself that i wont stop trying until i do.

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Hi, it’s only a very small aspect of your situation/posts, but I work in finance and (saying this gently) the investment banking job seems a stretch. For starters the hours are extremely long and full time in office attendance is usually the norm. where are you studying?
best wishes with your other decisions. Keep putting one foot in front of the other!

Original poster

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 20:17

Jasmine93 · 04/08/2026 04:39

Im so so sad and haven't stopped crying for days. Had my second baby with partner of 4 and a half years 4 weeks ago and on friday he said he doesn't love me, wants to break up and is so scared hes gonna be forced to marry me and spend his life with me just to see his kids which is so unwarranted and that the sex is terrible and it takes him so long to cvm etc.

We have our first 4 day holiday coming up on friday and after that ill be moving into homeless with the kids as i live with him and he will have them 3 days a week. I feel so blindsided, he was the one who wanted a second baby. I even asked him last week if he still loved me and wanted to be with me because my gut said something wasnt right and he lied to my face and said yeah. Now hes asking me is all im gonna do is cry all day.

Just so scared about the future, a life without him, being alone with the kids for the first time, being homeless, the massive amount of debt i am in and how will i pay it on a single income, thinking of him moving on and i just dont know how to stop overthinking. He does all the shopping and picks up my first child (not his) and drops her off on weekends, she lives really far from us in a rural town which would be really difficult for me to do on buses and trains and walking. He also does the school runs for my second child (our first) because i have severe agoraphobia going outside and anxiety.

My daughter calls him dad, i worry about how she will take it as well as she has adhd and autism. My second child is also adhd and autism but the most severe kind, hes non verbal and so difficult to look after, never sleeps, always putting himself in danger, destroys everything, doesnt eat, doesnt communicate in anyway at all. And now i have a newborn who is up every 30 minutes. I am exhausted, mentally and physically drained and the worry is tearing my anxiety up. I am in love with him and it just hurts so much.

Ive completely tanked my credit score helping us out of bad situations so i couldnt even get any more loans to help repay some debt and buy things i will need while being homeless and none of us have savings. I dont have a job to fall back on as im self employed with a press on nail business that is commission only and dont have orders right now as my previous customers have been american but shipping to america is so high and everyone just ghosts me when they find out the shipping cost 😞

I just don't understand how you can see your partner in so much pain just a few weeks ago to bring life into this world for you and you turn around and tell them you dont love them at all. Hes just made my life so much harder and i wish if he was gonna do this, it would have been before we had another child together. I had to drop out of uni this year to focus on my pregnancy because i was so unwell, it just feels like i get the bad end of every deal.

Does anyone have any advice on how i can stop feeling so fkn sad and mourning this relationship and our life together? 💜

Im going to take a break for today in replying to everyone as its just made my mental health so much worse today with all the judgement from people who do not have a clue what they are talking about. Its honestly like having conversations with my mother again who can only be nasty and put me down always.

Few last things, university is free in scotland for us studying an undergrad, saas pays our degrees. Id only need to pay for masters and any professional qualifications i want like the cfa or cisi. I may end up not even going for masters if i decide to go down the chartered qualifications route as you get a discount if your on benefits which may work out more wise than doing a masters.

Im not a benefit scrounger as some have laughed at, i am actively working towards a better life for my children. I have been in a childrens home as a young teen and foster care and was given my own tenancy at 16 and had to work very hard always between 2 to 3 jobs until i developed bad agoraphobia and postpartum psychosis after my first child, hence why she only lives with us on weekends and holidays. The statistics of someone like me making anything fo their life is so slim but i am determined. A scrounger wouldnt even be at uni trying so hard when the degree is hard asf as it is on my adhd. Im not into self punishment sorry. I want to get off benefits as fast as i can as its not for me. I want a better life for me and my children, not living in debt and below the poverty line forever.

My finance degree is through distance learning at the open university meaning its done online from my home, i do not physically go out for it. It carries the same accreditation as brick universities. See my reply to whisperinghi if you are confused about the plan to become an investment banker.

I am also not worried about the debt in the sense i think it will affect me getting a mortgage as im due a payout from my ex housing association which will be anything from 10-15k and the rest of the debt i will pay off by working. I have a job i can fall back on in accounting should i decide to not take the investment banker route which i wouldn't do as ive worked in accounting and its boring as hell.

The car repairs are not the reason we are in 30k debt but they do account for a good portion of about 10k. I didnt mention all the reasons for the debt as i have to make a long winding post about what the housing association has done which i will get to in another post it its relevant.

Im hoping when i can to get back to making nails asap and keep working to clear my overdrafts because that is the route of all evil, i took over drafts before starting my degree and didnt know how bad they were and how id be paying interest every month while it didn't go down.

Also for those asking who gave me the money, lol the bank and creditors. I had pretty good credit before all the debt but i got myself in a really bad position taking out more and more and more to pay off previous debts and now im in a position where i am maintaining monthly payments with ex partner help but not going down at all. I need to think about my options on how i can get it down without financial help from him.

And yes i might have a criminal record im not sure the actual timeline whether it was before i was 18 or after but i had a couple of fights protecting a friend who was getting jumped nearly every weekend when i was around 18, nothing major, since then i got charged for not wearing my seatbelt but thats it in the last 15 years.

OP posts:

Jackiepumpkinhead · 04/08/2026 20:39

How old are you, OP? I don’t want to kick you when you’re down, but most IB start through graduate schemes after leaving university. I work in IB, although I’m not a banker. We are currently hiring a junior banker, the CV’s we’ve received are outstanding, the academic qualifications would make your eyes water. Whilst I work for a very good bank, it’s not Goldman Sachs or JPMorgan. The competition is fierce. You may find work in Finance, but you won’t become an Investment Banker.