Im so so sad and haven't stopped crying for days. Had my second baby with partner of 4 and a half years 4 weeks ago and on friday he said he doesn't love me, wants to break up and is so scared hes gonna be forced to marry me and spend his life with me just to see his kids which is so unwarranted and that the sex is terrible and it takes him so long to cvm etc.
We have our first 4 day holiday coming up on friday and after that ill be moving into homeless with the kids as i live with him and he will have them 3 days a week. I feel so blindsided, he was the one who wanted a second baby. I even asked him last week if he still loved me and wanted to be with me because my gut said something wasnt right and he lied to my face and said yeah. Now hes asking me is all im gonna do is cry all day.
Just so scared about the future, a life without him, being alone with the kids for the first time, being homeless, the massive amount of debt i am in and how will i pay it on a single income, thinking of him moving on and i just dont know how to stop overthinking. He does all the shopping and picks up my first child (not his) and drops her off on weekends, she lives really far from us in a rural town which would be really difficult for me to do on buses and trains and walking. He also does the school runs for my second child (our first) because i have severe agoraphobia going outside and anxiety.
My daughter calls him dad, i worry about how she will take it as well as she has adhd and autism. My second child is also adhd and autism but the most severe kind, hes non verbal and so difficult to look after, never sleeps, always putting himself in danger, destroys everything, doesnt eat, doesnt communicate in anyway at all. And now i have a newborn who is up every 30 minutes. I am exhausted, mentally and physically drained and the worry is tearing my anxiety up. I am in love with him and it just hurts so much.
Ive completely tanked my credit score helping us out of bad situations so i couldnt even get any more loans to help repay some debt and buy things i will need while being homeless and none of us have savings. I dont have a job to fall back on as im self employed with a press on nail business that is commission only and dont have orders right now as my previous customers have been american but shipping to america is so high and everyone just ghosts me when they find out the shipping cost 😞
I just don't understand how you can see your partner in so much pain just a few weeks ago to bring life into this world for you and you turn around and tell them you dont love them at all. Hes just made my life so much harder and i wish if he was gonna do this, it would have been before we had another child together. I had to drop out of uni this year to focus on my pregnancy because i was so unwell, it just feels like i get the bad end of every deal.
Does anyone have any advice on how i can stop feeling so fkn sad and mourning this relationship and our life together? 💜