Partner broke up with me after birth. Homeless now!

[Jasmine93]

Im so so sad and haven't stopped crying for days. Had my second baby with partner of 4 and a half years 4 weeks ago and on friday he said he doesn't love me, wants to break up and is so scared hes gonna be forced to marry me and spend his life with me just to see his kids which is so unwarranted and that the sex is terrible and it takes him so long to cvm etc.

We have our first 4 day holiday coming up on friday and after that ill be moving into homeless with the kids as i live with him and he will have them 3 days a week. I feel so blindsided, he was the one who wanted a second baby. I even asked him last week if he still loved me and wanted to be with me because my gut said something wasnt right and he lied to my face and said yeah. Now hes asking me is all im gonna do is cry all day.

Just so scared about the future, a life without him, being alone with the kids for the first time, being homeless, the massive amount of debt i am in and how will i pay it on a single income, thinking of him moving on and i just dont know how to stop overthinking. He does all the shopping and picks up my first child (not his) and drops her off on weekends, she lives really far from us in a rural town which would be really difficult for me to do on buses and trains and walking. He also does the school runs for my second child (our first) because i have severe agoraphobia going outside and anxiety.

My daughter calls him dad, i worry about how she will take it as well as she has adhd and autism. My second child is also adhd and autism but the most severe kind, hes non verbal and so difficult to look after, never sleeps, always putting himself in danger, destroys everything, doesnt eat, doesnt communicate in anyway at all. And now i have a newborn who is up every 30 minutes. I am exhausted, mentally and physically drained and the worry is tearing my anxiety up. I am in love with him and it just hurts so much.

Ive completely tanked my credit score helping us out of bad situations so i couldnt even get any more loans to help repay some debt and buy things i will need while being homeless and none of us have savings. I dont have a job to fall back on as im self employed with a press on nail business that is commission only and dont have orders right now as my previous customers have been american but shipping to america is so high and everyone just ghosts me when they find out the shipping cost 😞

I just don't understand how you can see your partner in so much pain just a few weeks ago to bring life into this world for you and you turn around and tell them you dont love them at all. Hes just made my life so much harder and i wish if he was gonna do this, it would have been before we had another child together. I had to drop out of uni this year to focus on my pregnancy because i was so unwell, it just feels like i get the bad end of every deal.

Does anyone have any advice on how i can stop feeling so fkn sad and mourning this relationship and our life together? 💜

Firstly don't go on holiday with him.
You need to sort housing out so contact the HA. He clearly should leave as you need the space with the children. He can move to a 1 bed place

It's his house. She's not a joint tenant, she has no right to live there. Only rights she has is to take her stuf and he can't prevent her doing that. He's also NOT making her homeless. She doesn't want to stay to provide a roof over her disabled child's and new baby's heads while she looks for her own house. He has said she can stay so HA or Council won't house her.

@MyDarlingRose She can't present as homeless.

Don't go on holiday next week, you can't afford to anyway. Let your DP go with your older shared child if he wants and use the time to get a plan together

Oh Dear OP. Make sure your contraception is sorted?

Do you think he is struggling himself? Has he done this before?. Contact your local housing and register and explain you are homeless and your partner wants you to leave. Do not say he has offered you stay! Although with no family or friends around it does sound as though you will have to stay for the moment which I think is best until you both have thought about what is next.

She can present as homeless and that is exactly what she needs to do! Otherwise she won't get rehoused.

We have our first 4 day holiday coming up on friday
He also does the school runs for my second child (our first) because i have severe agoraphobia going outside and anxiety.
How are you going to manage to go away for 4 days if you can't bring your child to school because you have severe agoraphobia?

Anyone else concerned that the online degree is from one of the really dodgy places where the 'qualification' isn't worth the paper on which it's printed?

This is a bit confusing op.

what degrees are you studying.

you say you failed rhe first year, what has your uni said about this, can you retake?

For 30k of debt, you need to speak to step change, I really wouldn’t worry about future mortgages at this point.

for housing, speak to the council

She can if he writes her a letter saying he is asking her to leave… or considering she says he once hit her she can also say she is fleeing abuse.

Of course she can present as homeless.

She won’t be going on holiday next week as she has severe agoraphobia and anxiety so can’t leave the house, as I understand it, unless she’s doing the school run or taking one of the children to an appointment. Or attending university, I guess. I do think that you have to be able to leave the house if you are an investment banker but I don’t know whether those positions are now WFH 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like some kind of social media scam to me.

You are delusional if you think you are going to become investment bankers. Lots of universities sell degrees and lie, lie, lie. They need to recruit students and they mislead and mis-sell. You need to realise you are not going to become an investment banker - there is more chance you will will the lottery or inherit from the Crown Estate, wake up! You need to wake up asap! You need somebody to advise you on your educational path, please, don't fall prey to lies.

Broke my heart when I read 'we are going to become investment bankers and our problems will be sorted'. Even when the times were good (80s) you needed pedigree and connections to make it to investment banking, but now - I don't know WHAT you have to be to become one. I see a vulnerable young adult here.

Do not move out until you’ve had some legal advice. You need time to get your ducks in a row

Slow down do not make yourself homeless. You need a plan. Go to your local housing association and explain. Also go to citizens advice. Contact gingerbread for single parent benefit advice.

Exactly. Doesn't make sense

Apparently you get a criminal record for 'not wearing a seat belt' now....

He sounds like a first class sh*t.

What is your housing situation, can he move out? He surely can’t be suggesting putting the mother of his two children and his children on the street?

I think you should just say - sorry, I have just had a child. I am not going anywhere - I can’t, I have just given birth. Just refuse. Let him calm down. Agree you won’t be together long term if he doesn’t want to be but say he cannot make his family homeless.

Newborn needs to get into a routine - try Gina Ford. (not fashionable these days but the idea is to give enough food in the day that they soon sleep 6 hours a night which is enough to keep you sane.)

Never have a child unless the man has proposed marriage… now you have three, don’t have any more, you need to put all your energy into bringing them up.

This idea of “giving a man a child” is nuts and should only happen when the man has proposed to give you something (marriage and a stable roof over your head) in return.

If baby is on formula now and he only works part-time why the fuck is he not doing some of night shifts (feeding baby) while you sleep. What a cunt he is.

So sorry you're going through this.

He doesn't plan to have the baby 50 50 - it's just another weapon to hang over you, for you to worry about and to fill more of your mind so you are further disoriented. As though having another baby doesn't already do that.

Don't leave - get your dr, a social worker, health visitor and solicitor on your side. I know easier said that done with 2 kids and a baby. You need to see the Dr about your milk pronto.

Ignore him!

I wish you all the best