There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Could you and your best friend afford to go for a lovely outing instead? Maybe a luxury afternoon tea, last minute spa day instead if you feel unsure about the hotel.

If you're dithering I would cancel and save the money - it's expensive being a single parent. Also, I think it's very good for the soul to relish your home alone and not view the children's absence as a constant emotional wound. Just my two penn'orth.

If you can cancel with no charge do it, but promise us you will spend the same amount on yourself, like use the time you would have spent travelling to buy yourself properly good toiletries and a new dressing gown, and some flowers, and create your own at home spa. Or invite ex mil - bond with her and ensure twat actually looks after the children!
You are such a lovely person that, now you have some time for you, your social circle will expand and you will have lots of opportunities for nice trips away.

Yeah I’m also thinking it’s the best thing to do as it is money that could be used on more useful things. Going wouldn’t have an impact as such financially, however I could put the money I’d spend, towards other things like Christmas presents etc.

Hmm @mummy917 , please use that money for you!

I think you should go, if you stay at home you’ll start doing chores! x

I’m also brilliant at NOT doing chores when home alone (or just home) - just ask my kids/husband!

I’d probably stay at home but like a pp I’m very good at not doing any chores , nice lay in , lazy day , decent takeaway delivered , bubbly bath .

Whatever you choose OP, have a lovely weekend.

BTW.. using the money for Xmas presents... that is a lovely idea with it, but it does strike me that you would be giving up your weekend getaway for you, and immediately putting the money into doing something lovely for other people again. Nothing wrong with that, but you've done an awful lot of that in your life.

I feel it would be good for you to do something for yourself at this moment. View this money as @mummy917 money for unnecessary but spirit lifting fripperies.

May I suggest either

1. Putting the money in a pot... to spend on a night away when you really do ache to have a short respite. Might not be a bad idea to start putting some thing into that pot every now and then. or
2. Spend it or part of it on something lovely that YOU want. for eg.. I've started buying myself birthday presents.. its become a private tradition for myself... and recently bought some decent earrings. They weren't all that expensive but I don't normally buy things like that for myself that I could do without really, they are nice and I wear them a lot now. No one else could have picked exactly the right ones.
   or 3) something else that's just for YOU.

Is there a hotel pool? If so I would definitely go!

The problem I have when I’m unsettled is that wherever I am, I cannot escape the situation as my mind keeps ticking over. Maybe this isn’t the case for you and a stay in a hotel will distract you and help.
If you don’t go away, can I suggest you use exercise to relieve mental stress? Could you join a leisure centre he doesn’t use, one with a pool and classes? I pay £30 a month for one; you could use it every alternate weekend, get rid of some angst and meet other people. It’s something which you can’t do with four children in tow, an upside of childfree time.
Sending a hug 🤗.

I can never sleep in hotels so it's not a relax at all for me. I would get yourself some nice food in, read your books and veg out on the sofa watching box sets. And ignore all housework.

Something I’ve just thought of which you might not think relevant is that if you have a hotel booked and it’s on a bank statement, if you go down the full disclosure route with the divorce then he might pick up on things like that and twist to suggest you have a bloke or spending unnecessarily. Don’t want to make things worse for you later on. Will be interesting to see his statements 🤔

Whatever you do this weekend spend your hotel stay fund on you! You work hard, you’ve had to pay for so much, put yourself for one evening.
I don’t really settle in a hotel until night 3 so if clean my bedroom and put some fresh (new) bedding on. No bloody chores, nice food, slathered in gunk which says it stops ageing but doesn’t. Makes you feel good, though.

Re message from @whackwhackoops about spending unnecessarily -
remember he pays for gym membership which should be on his bank statements.
If you want to use more money solely on yourself, say a hotel (without the accusation of being with a man), start withdrawing cash from the ATM to have privacy in what you pay for.

A change of scene from the same usual four walls is such a good way to refresh mind and perspective. The same old thoughts don't keep going round and round when you are looking at somewhere new, as they do in the familiar place. I think that's really important at times like what OP has been dealing with for two months.🍷

I have cancelled it and plan on popping to home bargains on the way home from training to get a face mask, maybe some pyjamas and I plan on picking up some nice food to cook for tonight and tomorrow 😊

Enjoy every moment. You deserve it!

Something else I’d recommend: music.

It’s easy to forget to put it on or put our favourites on as we’re so busy. Do it. Put on the music that makes you feel like you again. Before you were a mum and before all of his nonsense. Crank it up!

Agreed, and I'm sure we can provide suggestions of appropriate songs to add to the players if @mummy917 would like.

100 per cent this.

Someone explained the effects of being in a controlling relationship to me as someone taking you apart piece by piece like a Lego structure until you don’t feel like yourself anymore. And the simple things like listening to my own music and watching my own tv shows have helped me rekindle feel a bit more like my old self. So 100% get out the old music that makes you feel like you and play as loud as is appropriate for your neighbours.

I’ve put a few songs up now (there we are then song girl here) but I better not link or mumsnet will get on at me. Cece and the vipers, on most streaming sites.

But I actually really like dance and edm personally for when you are really mad or upset at some twats behaviour, I always find losing myself in the beat me feel myself again xD maybe I’ll try make an edm one next :)

oh and if anyone else wants to try there are lots of sites where you can write your own lyrics and make your own songs now too. Absolutely recommend.

mummy917 Hope you are enjoying your free time and have been able to rest and recharge your batteries

@Sodthesystem I have found and listened to two and enjoyed your talent. Your lyrics come from the heart.

I have rested and have been thoroughly enjoying it and plan on doing the same tomorrow. I have a whole day of binge watching a series planned tomorrow 😊