There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Oh true!! He really didn’t like it, did he!!

Yeah, because she’s the one being out of order… 😂 What a piece of….

I think it’s time to listen to the song again! 😂

@mummy917 in that case I’d be as (wrong but tempted) as a PP up thread and forward the vile messages to his mum “sincerely hope he speaks to his own mother better than he does mine”

Petty, yes…satisfying? Also yes.

I'd be so tempted to message him along the lines of 'I told you I've asked her not to message again. But if in 25 years' time somebody was treating our DD the way you've treated me, I'd feel like messaging him...'

As is always the case, people like this hate being called out, not because it is lies but because it is true!

They convince themselves that everything they say and do is somehow justified and that everyone else agrees with them because no one says anything. So when someone does say something that shows that actually he isnt being reasonable and unselfish, they go nuts. It attacks their carefully constructed sense of self, their very core and ego.

Its fucking hilarious! "HOW DARE YOU POINT OUT THE TRUTH TO ME!!!!"

A great therapist gave me two phrases to use and while I don’t suggest OP use them….
‘Glad that’s finished, is it my turn now?’
And…
‘That’s a very interesting point of view.’
If I have ever used them the other person looks like they have been hit with a frying pan.
My dad discovered ‘go and bore someone else’ off one of the grandkids and he loved it.
Honestly, this man’s ego is just huge. As a parent, surely he would get that any mum in OP’s mum’s position will be upset?
But he treats his own mum like a doormat so that’s his level of behaviour.
He has no sense of shame. Upended a whole family and is behaving like a teenage boy.
I hope he isn’t getting a ‘MUM’ tattoo? Could we raise a few quid and bribe the tattoo artist? Would ‘skid mark’ be expensive?!

He's lucky your mum just sent him a text message. My mum saw my ex in a pub one night and gave him a major dressing down in front of all his friends. He stood there with his head down and didn't say a word, nor did his friends 😂 They both lived in the same area and he avoided my mum for years after that.

Oft I’d probably just send back a laughing emoji. There’s no point trying to be nice to keep the peace, it won’t make him nice back. He’s already decided you’re queen of all his ills. I’d just let him have it and be like “she called you a loser? Omg…have you tried, not being a loser?”

How you stop yourself from telling him to go fuck himself I don't know.

Of course he doesn’t want to show his true colours to your mum. There We Are Then

Screen shot the messages and keep the voicemail , they may come in handy sometime .

Broken Wardrobe for @mummy917

When I first met you I thought you were at least John Lewis level,
You served me well for a little while but turned into a furniture devil,
Always broke, and hardly working, with shite bursting at the seams,
Now you’ve gone, I miss you at odd times, but you were never the stuff of dreams.

You see you passed yourself off as couture bespoke not so made to measure,
But you weren’t even IKEA, mate, or perhaps junkyard treasure,
You fell apart without much moving and no use now to another boudoir,
I am still getting splinters from bits left behind, you didn’t travel that far.

My dad may have kept his distance but my mum thought your paintwork was cringe,
Cheap and tatty, a poor investment, she remarked often about you as The Door Hinge,
You never even made it out of my front door until you fell apart and left behind,
One careless owner, who will choose carefully next time, she never was the B&Q* kind.

*My wardrobes are B&Q. Look lovely. Never moving them! My others are IKEA. No offence meant, just a bit of fun!

@mummy917

I don’t think there is a way to enforce a parenting app.

I know that the courts will absolutely order them to be used. Something to request in the child access part of your divorce.

I really don't know much about them, being a dinosaur and all. But what if you told him you'd only communicate with him via the app and that once it was 'active' you'd block him on non-app platforms and/or refuse to respond to non-app messages? Do you think he'd start using it if it were the only way to communicate with you?

I definitely think a night away will do me the world of good, it’s so needed!

great idea! What’s the plan - a solo night away in a nice hotel? Sounds like bliss!

She's really touched a nerve with him hasn't she! Poor soul thought he was a fine specimen of a man and it's hurt his little ego 😂

My patio needs work….

The truth hurts doesnt it ? If he sends you any more abusive, unwanted texts or voicemail, warn him you will report him for harassment to the Police and his mum will have to be the go between.

I had this 20 years ago with my Ex, ended up with 2 Non Mols and an Occupation Order to remove him from the house.

When it was his contact weekends he would palm the kids off on his elderly mother.

They never get less selfish, just more i'm afraid.

Oh, my gosh, that Brookie plot line lives on forever - it’s 30 years old already!

For complete distraction and escapism, I do love a nice Maeve Binchy. “Evening Class” (almost as old as the Brookside patio burial) is a lovely tale.

Not impressed with your mum, who refused your request to do some drop-offs, to save you from his unpleasant behaviour towards you, but is happy to put you back in his firing line by stirring things. Any conflict will ultimately cause problems for your kids, so everyone else can wind their neck in. I think you handled them both very well.

As for reading, if you have an amazon account, you could download the free phone kindle app (no kindle needed). You can then browse hundreds of 99p books by author, genre, ratings. You can also read the summaries and reviews, then pick what you like, pick up your phone and read whenever you have a spare moment. If you're a voracious reader, £9.49pcm will get you thousands of unlimited books for free.

It would risk the "controlling" accusation.🤔

Honestly when I get to sit down and read all of the replies, I feel so humbled that so many of you have lovely messages of support 🥰 I know I’ve said it lots before, but this has been an absolute lifeline for me throughout all of this!

I could suggest going to a parenting app and refuse to use WhatsApp etc but I don’t think he’d take the bait. Probably respond with something along the lines of, “you can’t make me and I’ll just continue to send messages when I need to contact you, through WhatsApp.”

I do vaguely remember the brookside storyline 🤣

What my mum said has definitely hit a nerve. I did feel like saying to him, “why do you care so much what my mum thinks of you?”, but I stopped myself.

Yes I’ve booked a hotel for the night and I’m honestly so looking forward to it. I will not be letting my ex husband know that though; he would definitely do whatever he could to throw a spanner in the works.

Do screenshot all those messages as I think (okay, hope) a court might ask him to agree to a parenting app due to his communication style?

You could be right. But then again, @mummy917 has been keeping good records and could probably show any 'authority' he may complain to a plethora of messages showing how UNcooperative, verbally abusive, and controlling he is himself.

To play it safe, best to ask the solicitor. During my separation there were a few things that I thought would be fine to do only to have my lawyer say "Hmmm, that's probably not such a good idea in the long run". I guess that's why they get paid the 'big bucks'. To save us from ourselves. lol

@mummy917

What my mum said has definitely hit a nerve. I did feel like saying to him, “why do you care so much what my mum thinks of you?”, but I stopped myself.

Because men like him can't bear that anyone else would think them less than perfect. Other people's admiration is the mirror they love to gaze into.

He can't stand that your mum should think him less than a victim of your 'cruel and controlling ways' 🙄. He must be the victim in all of this, no matter that it all came about because it was what he wanted.