There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Just let it wash over you. He needed to be told. What exactly is he complaining about? That what she’s pulled him up on isn’t true or that she’s had the temerity to contact him?

Suggest next time a bit of self-reflection might be in order, not his default of having a go at you. You don’t have to listen to it anymore.

I love the Thursday Murder Club series by Richard Osman.
If you are thinking about pensioners in a retirement home solving murders sounds a bit twee, don’t.
They are beautiful, poignant and so funny.
One character Joyce writes part of it as a diary - no spoilers - and she has an adult daughter. So anyone who has a relationship with their mum which has its ‘moments’ will get it.
I cannot recommend them highly enough.

For something a bit different, try When Women Were Dragons
Awesome book.

Can also recommend Tracy Chevalier for a good read - loved The Glassmaker and also Girl With A Pearl Earring 👍

Yep... it needed to be said.. and he's mad because someone pointed out his failings. Boo Double Hoo. He's had a relatively easy ride so far, because you've very successfully kept the children at the front of your priorities in your dealings with him and are trying your best (despite his rotten behaviour) to co-parent amicably, because that is best for the children.

But now he's realising that not many other people are all that sympathetic with his bid for freedom and Tattoos. I bet your mum has been holding her tongue for a long time and I actually think because she's held back until now, he probably thought she was team Twatoo and he really doesn't like being held to account and made to face the facts does he?

So whilst I think you are right to ask her not to do it again.. I couldn't help thinking 3 cheers for Mum! Also. the tirade .... is him digging a hole for himself.. and I'd be so tempted to reply .."as I said to you in my text on Friday.. if you are annoyed with DM contacting you, take it up with her" and then keep repeating "As I said to you on Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday etc.. "

Re books. I love Audible as you can listen whilst you walk or do other things. and I love the Rivers of London series by Ben Abramovitch. Or The Vinyl Detective series by Andrew Cartmel. Or any good detective yarn really. If you don't have Audible. BBC Sounds have some excellent ones particularly loving the contemporary Sherlock & Co podcast, which has a new adventure every month. It's really well produced. But there's loads of good stuff in the drama section. Hope youhave a great weekend

Good on your mum tbh. I don’t think it’s an overstep. She has every right to call out his bum ass behaviour.

Would have texted him “What does that have to do with me? She’s my mum not my child. Personally I think good on her for calling out your crap behaviour. Maybe if you weren’t behaving like such a loser twat people would have nothing to say. Now stop texting me about your life drama. Well, no actually don’t, it is pretty funny…maybe just tell me to get the wine ready first”.

Don’t tell him you are going away Saturday. He will ruin it.

I’ve just finished ‘Lessons in Chemistry’ and can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed a book more.
Also loved ‘A Single Thread’ by Tracy Chevalier.

Hopefully it won't happen again, but if it does I'd be tempted to tell him to take it up with your mum. And tell her that I've done so.

As far as reading, if I'm doing reading to escape my troubles I usually fall back on rather YA stuff; Twilight (God forgive me), Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Narnia, that sort of thing. I don't know why I find it soothing but I do.

He can dish it out (called you a c*t iirc) but can't take it.

Funny how he wants you to be controlling (ie towards your mum) when it suits him. There We Are Then indeed!

@PetulaGordeno He clearly thinks all women should be seen and not heard.
👏👏👏
Now he’s finding his mother and mother-in-law are prepared to call out his use and abuse of women.

I can totally understand your Mum's POV, it is very hard to watch your child be treated badly no matter what age they are! I'm sure she regrets it but she must have been at breaking point by the time she messaged him. It's not your fault anyway, so back to grey-rock and ThereWeAreThen

Good on you for booking the hotel stay, you absolutely deserve it. I've just finished the latest 'Thursday Murder Club' book if you've not read it I can definitely recommend, if you've not read any then start at the first one and you'll have 5 to read! They are well written, easy to read and a really good laugh.

I know she’s caused you to get grief from him. But OMG! I’m with team mum here. She’s got your back. Bless her.

Gave the series a check upthread.
Honestly, I’ve fallen in love with all four main characters and it’s such funny and joyous stuff.
I hated the Netflix film mainly because Brosnan is NOT Ron.
I can’t wait for the next one….
Found them during a stressful time and they were like a warm hug.

Yes, I feel the same about the film, I prefer the characters as they are in my head!

Seconding Thursday murder club, but I have just finished Osman's next book which starts a new series 'we solve murders' and enjoyed it even more.
Also love Georgette heyer, Anne maccaffery and Ben aaranovich.
If you like a bit of the paranormal I highly recommend Patricia Briggs, for werewolves, shifters, witches and vampires in current times USA. Lovely light reads.

I loved Leaving Time such a good book!

My top picks if you haven't read them:

The Island by Charlotte Hislop
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness
Verity by Coleen Hoover (its just been made into a movie)
If you want some cosy (cheesy) romance then the dream harbour novels are cute by Laurie Gilmore.
19 Minutes Jodi Picoult
The Giver of Stars JoJo Moyes

I've read all of Richard Osmand's Books they are all brilliant

Team Mum too. Simply reading of his behaviour as a stranger is infuriating, so to see it play out and happening to your child irl must be awful for her.

I'm not a huge fiction reader but have a few Mike Gayles I've kept on my kindle app, he's got quite a back library to choose from and he writes his characters well.

Enjoy your night away, a change of scenery will do you the world of good.

Thank you for all of your recommendations, I’ve got a lot to look through 😃

I definitely think a night away will do me the world of good, it’s so needed!

Yeah my mum has definitely got my back and I can also understand where she was coming from, but I didn’t appreciate the vile texts and voicemail from him this morning. I’ve refused to reply to any more of his messages.

Balance how awful his messages were for you with an understanding of just how much your Mum has got under his skin. He really does not like looking at the truth about his behaviour does he 😂😂😂

After his rant last night, why is he still messaging you about it this morning/today? Surely what your Mum said can’t have been that bad and warrant a continued torrent of abuse?

This probably isn’t the correct way forward, however I think I’d be forwarding them to his mother and saying going forward all communication has to go via her.

Second Mike Gayle. I'd avoid the To Do List but others like The Man I Thought I Knew and Half a World Away, oh and the Museum of Ordinary People and Hope Street, are all lovely.

@mummy917 I would definitely be pushing for the parenting app for comms as soon as poss, not sure how you would get that enforced…but would be another layer of distance/protection for you x

I don’t think there is a way to enforce a parenting app. I could be wrong but not sure. He said he had no desire to speak with my mum when I told him I have no control over what she says or does or who to and to take it up with her. And since I didn’t reply to that one he’s sent a few more just reiterating how out of order he thinks she was etc. I’ve not replied to any more than the first time this morning.