There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Omg op he is getting worse the kids mean very little to him no wonder he’s telling you bullshit I bet my money it’s another woman. I hope you can trust his mum to do the right thing I know bloods thicker than water but the grandkids are also her blood so hopefully she will do right by them. He obviously has something to do on Fridays what he thinks is more important than his own kids twat.

What a vile man. To think OP was upset on her holidays over family memories and this man is still manipulating her and his own kids, as well as his mother.
The good thing here is that OP has had some communication with his mum which can’t have been easy for either of them.
All that bullshit about the ‘broken’ car as well.

That must have been so gutting to hear, when you actively want to see your kids as much as possible. Idiot man. I’m glad his mum is putting her foot down.

@mummy917 unfortunately I think you are going to have to start planning for if (when) he walks away completely. I think I’m right in thinking the twins go to nursery two days a week, would you be able to just work those two days and if so do you have anyone who could help you with nursery drop offs and collections on those days? I wonder if even potentially his Mum might be willing to step in with the drop offs and pickups for you if Twattoo gives up.

So he's not having them 50/50 if he's not actually there on Fridays

Nothing like 50/50. His mother has them Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. He does Sat and Sun every other week. 2/14.

The kids are young. I believe 7, 4, 2, 2.
so only the seven year old would be able to pipe up about what’s going on.

It feels slightly positive with his mum...she didn't defend him and even confided that she's put her foot down. This is promising I think - she'll keep putting her foot down, hopefully, and also the bridge between OP and his mum might be less hostile than previously thought ..? 🙏🏼

I was thinking the older one rather than the little ones. But then it sounds like his Mum has them for most of 'his time' so they probably think thats normal and dont realise they are supposed to be with their Dad.

Its sad that his Mum is actually having them more than he is, I really do hope she stops doing it because it would be interesting to see what happens when he actually has to parent himself.

As someone else said upthread, its clear he has met someone quite some time ago that has Fridays free for him to be making excuses every Friday. And its really sad that someone else worked out that actually he is only parenting 2/14 days!

Cracks are starting to show like you knew they would ... his mum has been shoring up his '50/50' which he only wants to keep from paying child support.

Oh that’s sad. In the kids’ minds they split their time between mummy and grandma. Dad is a proper EoW dad.

Luckily I think the eldest son is 9 and OP has said he’s mature for his age. I really hope he starts speaking up. I know OP has said previously she doesn’t want to question the children but maybe some gentle questioning in a chatty way “Did you have fun this weekend, what did you get up to” type thing would lead to him opening up.

Unfortunately I think you are completely right. This is exactly how my ex husband acted. Completely denied there was anyone else but of course there was.
@mummy917you are doing brilliant. You might not think it but you are so strong and your babies know who is the one they can rely on ❤️ keep going it will get better ❤️

Well, the dots just keep joining up, don't they.

The recent escalation in his shitty attitude is because his mum has put her foot down about Fridays (strange your eldest didn't mention it). His shiney new life clearly isn't going quite as he planned.

Hopefully you will make sure you are out of the house until 09:55 on "tatoo Friday". Whilst I agree with picking your battles, I absolutely would not let that one slide purely on the principle of the mattress debacle.

Fingers crossed it won't take his new woman too long to realise what an utter twat he is. He won't be able to mask his true personality indefinitely, the mask will eventually slip, we are who we are.

@mummy917

Disgusted but certainly not surprised, I'm sure.

I'm glad she was receptive to you. Shows that she is seeing his true colours. Maybe not all of them, but at least the ones that affect her.

I think now is the time to start researching alternative childcare if you haven't already. I have a feeling that when Granny puts her foot down on his neck and refuses to do anymore than is necessary to allow him to work he's going to start bailing on 50/50.

I do wonder what lies he has told his mum about why he has to have the kids so much or rather why SHE has to have them???

I thought his mum would start to see through his Dad of the Year act, and that he would fall back to old habits and treat her the way he treated you OP, as the person whose role it was to pick up the parenting slack when he couldn't be bothered.

It's great that her frustration is beginning to spill out. I thought she must be a person with the children's best interests at heart, since she's been so willing to take care of them, and it would eventually become apparent to her that you are the person who makes sacrifices for them and him - well not much.

You were right to tell her how he's been speaking to you and ask if she can do handovers.. But I'd also still be a bit careful and keep your powder dry if possible and not confide too much of your plans.. because it might come out. Not because she would be nasty but would maybe warn him along the lines of telling him off a bit "you ought to be more careful about that...or Op might do xyz"

He really thinks he can bend everyone to his will doesn't he. All there just to take his tasks off his hands and make his life easier and full of "free time"
I think his mum is beginning to see that very clearly. And you could have a long term ally and supporter there when the dust settles, which is a positive OP.

He's just incredibly thick if he doesn't understand that you working more, makes his life easier eventually. I hope he has a really shitty weekend.

Let's not forget that her loyalty will be to her son, but fair play to her for telling you the truth about Friday's

My lovely in laws treated us totally even handed when we split up and their concern was entirely for their grandchildren.

he’s a second prize @mummy917 you are so much better off without the man child…

I am disgusted but yes, certainly not surprised.

His mum never said where he said he was going but did mention that he’d had to have his car fixed, and has mentioned that on 4th September she is having the kids as that is tattoo day 🙄 she also mentioned that he’d not taken the potties to hers as she’d asked and it’d been difficult for her being up and down the stairs with the twins when they needed the loo.

I know her loyalty is obviously to him which I totally get, but it does seem like she’s starting to see what he’s like in some aspects too.

She said he’s never told her any reasoning for why he up and left his wife and 4 kids, just that he wasn’t happy, saw her unhappy in her previous marriages, and that was it.

She had no idea the divorce was in progress and looked very taken aback at that.

She said she is happy to help me out where needed, even though she’s aware I’ve worked my shifts around the days I have the kids. I have rang the nursery today though, to see if I can get the twins in on a Friday for a few hours, just incase I’m in the situation again of working a night shift. At least that way I’ll know they’re sorted. They are letting me know on Monday if there’s any availability for them.

I did have a few tears in front of her but she was lovely and said she knew how devastated I would’ve been about everything.

What a piece of shit he is: too money grubbing to give his Mum the potties when she’s struggling then buy himself two more 🤨

@mummy917 it’s will be nice if you can stay on good terms with the MIL , sounds like she’s not that impressed with him .

People like him will never be happy, they will just blame their unhappiness on those around them.

Interesting that he didn't tell his mum about the divorce proceedings when he explicitly told her of being unhappy in the marriage. Did he complain to her about his money woes? If she knows of the tattoo then probably not?

Seconding staying on good terms with the MIL, he'll probably resent your getting along eventually.

I’m guessing he’ll drag the divorce out, for no particular reason other than laziness. I can’t see him being organised and getting his pension reports etc together.