There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

I would also make sure OP, not to let him know when you do extra shifts. If he knows you're earning extra, it will be even more difficult to get him to pay his share of the bills for the children.

Thing is, if your job means you have to work nights then he can't have it all ways. He doesn't want to pay you maintenance, but he doesn't want to support your working hours which enables you to be financially dependent of him. Something has to give and I'd point that out to him.

Good point

Up until 10am on a Friday is NOT his 'free time'. It is YOUR 'free time'. It is time that HE asked for.

from my experience of it, this is the type of comment that can be discussed in mediation. The mediators aren’t legal professionals but will call out this behaviour and work to a mutual agreement in a methodical and practical way with you both where you both get to express your opinions. If he doesn’t take on and agree then it will be noted and when it goes to court that you were not able
to compromise so let them decide. Keep going you are doing amazingly well.

The world doesn’t work around his schedule.

He is just awful, I have never in my life heard of a 7am handover ( and I am divorced and have many divorced friends).

it’s terrible he’s being so petty but like most narcissists after divorce they control by continuing to make their ex wife “ suffer”.

I think before engaging further consider mediation / legal advice. You need to work to support yourself and the kids and he’s making it a weekly nightmare for you. It seems he’s engineered all these “ events” on a Friday to just put you under pressure and get rid of the kids.

He’s not thinking it through by putting it in writing is he?
There we are then.

Yep. "Up until 10am is my 'free time' as you call it, time which you keep trying to remove from me by dropping the kids off hours earlier that was agreed at your insistence. That needs to stop, and my schedule on my time is none of your concern."

He's a bit dim, isn't he? OP must have been running circles around him intellectually all their marriage.

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity may still apply here, as him torpedoing her working hours will affect him negatively as well.

I see. Yet he has a request every week for you to facilitate something work related for him (more than you do)
twat. ‘That would impact my ability to work, and earn money. We clearly discussed this as per the text messages I have resent you copies of, we would have to revisit the arrangements thoroughly if that’s the case. It would be a shame if we can’t agree something that supports our kids while letting us both work. We can discuss in mediation, until then let’s stick to the plan we’ve already agreed to, since I’ve given work my available times.’

Just a note on the mediation, I'm sure further back you said you were getting UC? I was when we had mediation and that entitled me to a voucher that covered both parties costs. Check if thats available to you then it would be free...

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity

So so true.

Let’s face it op you cannot win with this man tell him you will do your best to do a 24hr shift in one go so he can be rid of his kids. What an absolute twat it’s literally me me me with this guy. Op I feel for you so much this twat who calls himself a dad 50% of his weeks. He needs a reality check.

Agreed.

I actually think he's mean enough to see this as a competition be obsessed with winning or getting one up on the OP.
So every time, he sees an opportunity to do some petty knife twisting, he does.

And every time he does this he reveals the fact that this pettyness is far more important than ensuring a good atmosphere for his DC.

He is thick indeed.

Awful man.

Exactly. He absolutely wants to avoid paying maintenance at all costs, but is trying to put barriers in the way of me being able to work.

I have been out this morning and bought the oldest 2 the rest of the school uniform they need, plus a pair of school shoes each. I sent him a photo of the receipt so he had proof of what his half would be and still said he will have to wait till the end of the month to pay his half. I was expecting it, but even so. The kids’ school shoes were a priority and he knew that.

You've made huge, huge progress.

You should feel proud of yourself.

This man treated you like a mug for years (as did my ExH) and in just a few weeks you are standing up for yourself and maintaining your boundaries - 14 years on and I've still not managed what you've accomplished in just a few weeks.

You're doing brilliantly. This is not a linear thing, you will have ups and downs but the overall trajectory is up. You've got this!

He can't afford it at the end of Aug as isn't his latest tattoo at the beginning of Sept.

Sadly you should not have spent money in advance, he could have bought one pair in time for school.

Are you in Scotland or Ireland ? as schools in England don't return until the beginning of Sept.

He really is pretending to be living ' hand to mouth ' he will say it's because he is paying his rent all by himself - as are you !!!

He may need to consider returning to full time work, if I remember right he does 32 hours condensed into 4 days ?

Op again is control, wait till the end of the month ' no your can not and why should you,
Next time he takes the shopping pays and sends you a copy say yep at the end of the month,

Get clever op so Next time plan it the week he gets paid and hit him with the bill a few days before his payday, or put it on him to do the shop and bill you,
What a fucker op, tygt

@mummy917 i know you don’t want to rock the boat . However I have been reading and expecting this nonsense from him.
I think you need to sit down and work out for yourself how to juggle your work commitments without him . Is that something that can be done ? Once you have done that tell him 50/50 isn’t working as he can’t commit. If it did go to court a court would give you more time over him if they knew he was leaving the children with someone else as the parents take priority over anyone else. .

Once you have told him to 50/50 isn’t working /happening then I’d put my maintenance claim in . He has had it too good for too long .
OP you have done great but you are being too soft on him now by just accepting his nonsense . Sooner the claim is submitted the better .

Imagine if you didn’t have the money either op what then? he really is a joke. He is only taking his kids to save money but he expects you to work to suit him and his freedom I literally would be screaming at him by now.

Give it a few months and he will be downsizing his rental or moving back in with his mother , either that or he is just lying so that it inconveniences you , which actually is quite likely . Knob .

Sadly, I don't think he's ever going to step up and be a 50/50 parent and as a PP said, I think you do need to rock the boat, otherwise he'll keep putting you through this nonsense, thinking you won't make a fuss.

Make a fuss.

If you don't do it now you'll end taking this crap for years.

I should be on annual leave this week with my youngest DD. I'm working because my ExH announced three weeks ago that he'd be taking her to see and stay with family this week. I didn't make a fuss. Just communicated that I would cancel my annual leave. 14 years on - I still don't want to rock the boat. It's ridiculous. I made my bed and live with it all the time. Please do better than I did/do.

He is such a GINORMOUS twat, isn’t he! The more he reveals his real self, the more of twat he shows himself to be.

A loser with a capital L

You can't think of a word? Well, "There we are then" 😉