Would I be wrong to leave part of my inheritance to my stepchildren instead of everything to my biological son?

[brunettehead]

I'm looking for outside perspectives because this has been weighing on me for a while.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and together for 12. We're both in our mid-40s. We were both widowed before we met. I had one son, and my husband had a son and a daughter. The kids were only around 3–4 years old when we became a family, so for the past 12 years we've raised all three together.

In real life, I don't think of them as "my son" and "his kids." They're all our children. His two call me Mom, and my son is incredibly close to his stepdad. We've always been one family.

The issue that's been on my mind is inheritance.

My late husband came from a wealthy family. After he passed away, I inherited everything from him. I also have assets that are entirely in my own name, both from my family's inheritance and from what I've earned myself over the years. None of these assets have ever been part of my current marriage.

For a long time, I assumed everything would eventually go to my biological son. But life has changed.

My current husband and I have both been high earners. A few years ago, he left his executive job to start his own business. Unfortunately, it failed, and he lost a significant amount of money. We can manage the debt, but realistically there probably won't be much left for his two children to inherit from him.

That's where I'm struggling.

My son will always have the advantage of inheriting from his biological father's side of the family, while my husband's two children likely won't inherit much from their own father.

I've helped raise them since they were toddlers. I've been there for school, birthdays, illnesses, milestones, and everything in between. I financially support them just like I support my son. I genuinely love all three of them as my children.

Because of that, I've been thinking about changing my will so that my entire assets I inherited from my late husband and the assets in my own name is divided 50% to my biological son, 25% to my stepson, and 25% to my stepdaughter.

Part of me feels this reflects the family we've built together over the last 12 years. I also honestly believe that if our roles had been reversed, my husband would have wanted my son to be treated equally too.

At the same time, I know the wealth from my late husband's family originally came through my son's father. Part of me wonders if I'm doing something wrong by sharing that inheritance with children who aren't biologically connected to that side of the family.

My biggest fear isn't really about the money. It's that my son might someday feel betrayed or believe I loved him less if he learns I divided everything this way. I would never want him to question how much I love him.

Should I speak to him before making any changes to my will Or is this something that should simply be my decision as the owner of the asset

The actual numbers make a huge difference, because the impact of sharing out millions is not the same as tens or hundreds of thousands.

When it's a size of pot of nearly £30million, your ds isn't exactly going to be short of a pot to piss in if a couple million of it goes to his step-siblings.

How much is your son likely to inherit from his father's family?

I agree with this. Your late husband made his wishes clear. You should honour them.
Your relationship with your son and step children sounds lovely. I would split your assets three ways to reflect your relationship with all the children.
i would not discuss it with your son unless he is an adult (which based on ages seem unlikely). It is too much to put on a child.

Is that money 'safe' then? As in if you divorced current husband he wouldn't have a claim on it? What about if you die first - does he inherit the lot and the distribute as he sees fit?

Personally I would give ALL of your son his dads money and split your money between the step children. We are not talking a few thousand, if the step kids get 1.5 mill each that's a HUGE start in life and they are in a far better position than the vast majority of people. It's not like leaving your son his fathers money means the other two are destitute, then I'd consider something that felt more balanced.

24 million to your son and the 3 million split 3 ways between all the children.

This way you are fulfilling your late husbands wishes and recognising all the children.

I would ringfence your late DH’s money, less any of the costs of raising your DS and have that willed to your DS.

Your own money can be split 3 ways.

To me it sounds fair OP.

Your late husbands money was for you and you've already used some of it to fund your life and your son's life.
It's not like your son is going to be struggling for money.

It is that easy.
I get that you love your other two (step)DC but I am genuinely confused as to why you struggle with this.
Your late DH's assets/money should go to his son.
Your own assets, you can split whichever way you want.
The fact that you are worried what your son shall think, gives you your answer. It would not be right to share out his inheritance.
Your son is to young to discuss this with him. Why put him on the spot? What do you think he will say? That's not fair on him.

I'm normally of the opinion that it should be seperate and follow bloodlines.

But, you have been living as a family and sound like a very happy supportive family unit 24/7 for many years, you are the mum those children know and similarly your husband is the dad your son knows. Importantly- do they see themselves as siblings? Does your son feel lucky to have that sibling relationship that he otherwise wouldn't have had?

In which case I would treat them as siblings much as you have proposed. Its not like your son will be alone and in poverty because of having to share it. ITs a massive amount of money.

Assuming they are late teens or older I might not say the sums exactly but I would broach the subject- fall outs over inheritance often come because something unexpected happens and the person that can explain the thinking has left it too late.

Anything from his late father should go to him. Surely that’s what his father had intended?
Whatever you made yourself - divide as you feel.

For everyone reading this, you can set-up wills fairly easily with the exact intent to avoid this. You can insist that a % of your house or estate goes to your descendents, and not to the descendants of your spouses future partner. Seems grim to consider it, but worth doing!

I would potentially give your 1st dh’s money to ds and split the 3m and family home between step children. But when your son is an older adult i would also reassess and talk with him about options as he might prefer you to split your money equally between them all and then give a small % of the dh1 inheritance to the siblings. I do think it is worth remembering that it sounds as though the step children have benefited financially from you assisting their father with his debts.

Another option would be to leave the original amount inherited from dh1 to your ds but keep the interest grown since then separately and split that interest equally or as a % between all 3 - as another poster mentioned you could have spent that inheritance money on yourself but didn’t, and you are the one who has invested and grown the sum, so it seems more fair to share the grown money beyond the initial money received.

I agree with this.

Agree with all those who say to ring-fence your late husband’s money for your son but split your own three ways.
If your son has an issue with that, he can always gift them some at a later date, assuming he is still close with them.

You would be ensuring that all the children in your life start on an equal footing which I think is the right thing to do. Assuming we're talking life changing, house buying kinds of sums!

I agree with this completely. Can you imagine if roles were reversed, would you be happy that step children are inheriting YOUR wealth at a detriment to YOUR son?

If your late husband made it clear as you state dthat he wante dyour son to have all his inheritance for that side of the family then it is a no brainer. He didn't leave it in trust because he trusted you to do the right thing by your child together. If it ever occurred to him you couldn't be trusted to do that then he would no doubt have structured it differently. This is why people should think about re- marriage when estate planning. Your 'own' money leave it to whoever you want. No-one's going to starve are they.

First, you're sitting on £24m so why you'd spend years paying off debt I don't know.

Second, you're a family. This is now your sons family. So it's not about it going to 'strangers' as a pp delightfully put it, it's your son's siblings he is close with, and has grown up with.

I'm sure any good parent wouldn't want their child to inherit at the expense of his relationship with his siblings, and would be delighted that their child has a loving family they feel close with. Money can't and didn't buy that, and shouldn't be allowed to threaten it. I would be very happy for the siblings of my child, who love him, to be provided for so they can all have a good start in life.

If your husband wanted it to go to your son, it should go to him. You are a caretaker of your husband's family assets - your should respect his wishes. The life you built after his death is not relevant to the inheritance.

I am sorry but that should go to your DS.
You chose to have a blended family, you are young still, of course you couldn’t live like a hermit.
Yes, the step children could be envious but it wasn’t their dad and the money wasn’t left to them.
I would be slightly concerned about your DH. Without you in their lives the step kids wouldn’t be getting much at all, which is not your fault. They have a living parent whose job it is to provide for them.
It is really really important to preserve your son’s inheritance. What if in the future you died first and your DH gets married again? It becomes a right mess.
He might die first, you might meet someone else, what then?
If you want to leave your estate to your step kids knowing your DS is so provided for maybe that’s an option.
It is a huge about of money for your DS, and he may also inherit something from his grandparents, but whether it is £24 or £24 million the principle is the same.

They're not his siblings.

They're the DC of his Mothers husband.Who fucked up financially so his DC won't have an inheritance from him since he's put the family into debt.

I think its fair, but whatever you do, make sure you discuss it with all the children beforehand.

I have no idea exactly how much, because I'm not more involved in their family affairs. It's also depends of my son's grandparents will because they have other two off springs and grand children's too.

But I'm sure My son gonna inherit assets not liquid.

Holy shit that’s a lot of money!

your late husband’s money belongs to your son.

leave 1.5 million each to the stepchildren, of your own money.

I’m going to go against the MN grain and say it’s fine to split inheritance between DC and DSCs - my husband and I have a mirror will that leaves everything to the spouse and then equally between any children once the second spouse dies. I came to the marriage with more assets due to having owned property already and my pension and my wage is substantially better than his but we are a family, I’ve raised DSD with him from age 3. In your case I’d leave your late husband’s sole assets to your DS and split the rest but it might be complex figuring out an exact %.