Would I be wrong to leave part of my inheritance to my stepchildren instead of everything to my biological son?

[brunettehead]

I'm looking for outside perspectives because this has been weighing on me for a while.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and together for 12. We're both in our mid-40s. We were both widowed before we met. I had one son, and my husband had a son and a daughter. The kids were only around 3–4 years old when we became a family, so for the past 12 years we've raised all three together.

In real life, I don't think of them as "my son" and "his kids." They're all our children. His two call me Mom, and my son is incredibly close to his stepdad. We've always been one family.

The issue that's been on my mind is inheritance.

My late husband came from a wealthy family. After he passed away, I inherited everything from him. I also have assets that are entirely in my own name, both from my family's inheritance and from what I've earned myself over the years. None of these assets have ever been part of my current marriage.

For a long time, I assumed everything would eventually go to my biological son. But life has changed.

My current husband and I have both been high earners. A few years ago, he left his executive job to start his own business. Unfortunately, it failed, and he lost a significant amount of money. We can manage the debt, but realistically there probably won't be much left for his two children to inherit from him.

That's where I'm struggling.

My son will always have the advantage of inheriting from his biological father's side of the family, while my husband's two children likely won't inherit much from their own father.

I've helped raise them since they were toddlers. I've been there for school, birthdays, illnesses, milestones, and everything in between. I financially support them just like I support my son. I genuinely love all three of them as my children.

Because of that, I've been thinking about changing my will so that my entire assets I inherited from my late husband and the assets in my own name is divided 50% to my biological son, 25% to my stepson, and 25% to my stepdaughter.

Part of me feels this reflects the family we've built together over the last 12 years. I also honestly believe that if our roles had been reversed, my husband would have wanted my son to be treated equally too.

At the same time, I know the wealth from my late husband's family originally came through my son's father. Part of me wonders if I'm doing something wrong by sharing that inheritance with children who aren't biologically connected to that side of the family.

My biggest fear isn't really about the money. It's that my son might someday feel betrayed or believe I loved him less if he learns I divided everything this way. I would never want him to question how much I love him.

Should I speak to him before making any changes to my will Or is this something that should simply be my decision as the owner of the asset

OK, so of the 24 M he left, it's reasonable that you've effectively taken some of that to raise your child. Schooling, holidays, daily life. So he doesn't need to inherit 24m on his 18th.

I'd put 20 M into some sort of account for your son, let the interest do its own thing and then he can be gifted chunks of it at certain ages, and inherit it all on your death.

You have no idea how much of your current 3 m wealth will exsist in 40 years, but it would be reasonable to leave them equal 3rds.

Who owns the house? If its yours and new partners, then you agree to equal thirds, of he gives his half to his kids and you to yours.

If it was brought with late husband but DH has put into it, you can split it otherwise.

Have you been living off your own wage entirely Al l this time so you don't touch DSs 24m?

Hang on, I've just seen the 25 m is locked away.

I can't get over the fact your multimilliomaire husband died, leaving you with a young son to raise, and he insisted none of that money could be touched by you to help raise his child.

I think speaking to your son when he's older is the best approach. If he's close to his step-siblings, it's quite possible that he'll want to share his inheritance with them - but it should be his decision IMO.

It’s highly likely the £24m is in a trust. The op can’t touch the £24m but can spend the income it generates. At a modest 4% the interest generated would be c £960K a year pre tax. I’m sure most of us could live quite comfortably on that income.

Yeah I think it should really all go to your son with a token amount to step children. Is the step dad going to leave anything to your son, thought not. But at the end of the day it’s your money.

So then why would it even be a discussion as to whether its split, if its in trust then it doesnt even come into it so why would it even be mentioned?

It doesnt make sense, sorry but its either up to the OP and available for splitting or its not and doesnt even factor into a conversation but a lot of this makes zero sense.

Nor does it make sense that someone would have this level of wealth and wouldn't look at the best financial options with a financial advisor but instead ask random people on Mumsnet. Or that they would have this much money yet have what they said is debt that will take many years to pay back. And thats without addressing the fact that this seems to be written by two different people.

I suppose it depends on how supportive and involved your step children are in your life.

What an obscene amount of money to inherit by one person (or 3) when so many hardworking people are struggling and millions of young people can’t get on the property ladder. Honestly I don’t think it would do a young person much good to inherit that amount anyway as we see from all the nepo babies who live lives without motivation. My advice: buy a couple of properties then give most of it away to good causes.

I agree. The basics are if the op is in England and the £24m is not in a trust or other lawful tax avoidance scheme when the op dies the IHT bill is c£10m.

That is insane. If the op is in another country then we need to know the rules in that country.

That's not really what I meant.

I meant if you had given birth to these children do you think you would feel it more acceptable for you to split the inheritance with them, either to the memory of your dead husband or to his family?
If so then do that. Because as you say, you don't feel a difference in how you treat them.

You can ignore that poster. The answer to who the hell are you is that you're the widow and the person the money was left to. It became yours. He couldn't decide for you how you spend it, even if he thought he could.
This is why I asked the question of whether it would feel different if you had given birth subsequently to these children.

I didn't know about the income bit, I'm not in the habit of keeping 24 m in trust 😂 yes that would be significantly different if she's getting a passive income from it.

I think she's asking about the 3m in her name and any associated assets

Like it or not, yes it is up to her to decide.

I think splitting it between 3 is the right thing to do. They are all equally your children.

Third time answering your question and I still don't understand the people saying split it equally. Your late husband explicitly said in his death bed "I want MY son to have My money" so that's what you have to do. Any money you have accrued yourself can be shared how you like, but your late husband trusted you to protect his son's inheritance. It seems simple to me.

But the vast majority of the money came from her previous husband, and they are not all equally his children.

From the first post:

Because of that, I've been thinking about changing my will so that my entire assets I inherited from my late husband and the assets in my own name is divided 50% to my biological son, 25% to my stepson, and 25% to my stepdaughter

So they were talking about the entire lot but then later say they cant touch it. Nothing in this thread makes sense at all though.

@brunettehead the inheritance should go to your son 100 %. If it was your inheritance from YOUR family then it would be different! But it’s not. You know your son’s father would have expected that all to go to him, not to share it with children not related to him or children he didn’t even know. If your current husband has made some bad business choices and got the family in debt meaning there won’t be anything left for his kids why are you using your late husbands money to fix that? The inheritance should go to your son, I don’t understand how you are even justifying thinking about not doing that. Your joint property / savings / anything you built together or build from now with your current husband can be shared equally. Please dont use your sons inheritance to rectify your current husbands lack of money for his own kids. Respect your late husbands wishes!!!

So your son gets to split his inheritance from his father 3 ways. What has his step father left for him in his will? if not won't his children effectively get money form you LH, You and they're dad, whilst your son has to split everything.

You don't know the circumstances of his death though. It's very unusual to die so young - for all you know there was no trust or will or anything and OP just inherited due to being NOK. He might have intended to sort out a trust or will 'at some point' but was in a car accident aged 29.

I don't really understand how you can make any proclamation starting "surely" without knowing the full details.

I wouldn't rush to make any decisions OP. As you know yourself, life can change very quickly. You and your partner will likely be working for at least another 20 years - he could make the money back again. You could win the lottery. Someone else could die. Some of your kids might go to uni and need to be subsidised for at least 3 years while others could start working and earning - that could be a discrepancy of tens of thousands of pounds. Soon your son will be old enough to have these discussions with him.

Either way it doesn't sound like any of the kids will be left with nothing. Even if all your DH's original wealth goes to your son you can still split your own assets, and anything you and your new partner accrue over the next quarter century.

I don’t need to, it’s not relevant to the post and isn’t our business.
This man was a multimillionaire. He wouldn’t have been without independent advice. When you buy your first home you are advised to get a will, and if you have children they discuss with you the appropriateness of a trust. If you feel passionately about leaving your money to your son over your wife, that is something that should be arranged formally. The money was inherited many years ago by OP. It is OP’s money now, not her Son’s. That’s how inheritance works. That is why it’s important to spend it all before you die, or carefully provision for what’s left afterwards.

If it was 24m then late husband should have split that vast amount in 2. 12m each to wife and son to ensure he got something then wife does what she wants with her proportion. Seems bizarre to leave such an amount to one person.