Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

10000% this..... ungrateful twat.

He's a spoilt entitled brat. Even if he would have preferred to be involved his reaction making her cry is ridiculous and very unappreciative.

And it a actually the watch he wants he's just uosat that he didn't pick it himself to experience it, seriously??? That warrants spoiling the whole experience and making your wife cry?

It's not like this the only holiday he will ever go on in his life.

@MrsM101 please return the watch and keep your money, he's an idiot.

You thought he wanted the end point, he didn't communicate that he wanted the journey.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable as a. You didn't know he was more excited about being involved in the planning and b. He didn't know you were planning anything to interject and offer you his thoughts.

I hate surprises, so now my family ask me do I want to be surprised or do I want to be involved.

I also think he could show more appreciation, but at the same time I also think communicating his disappointment is good communication.

When the time comes for the trip to Dubai the excitement will set in again I am sure.

I agree with you, these comments are bloody weird. She got him exactly what he wanted for his birthday and he’s angry that he wasn’t involved In choosing them himself?
make it make sense!

He’s a prick

I think this is appalling bratty behaviour from him and agree with those other posters who say return the watch for a refund and find a friend to go to Dubai with instead. Fuck him if he's being like that, it's the very definition of spoilt that you've gone to all this effort and expense and he's complaining.

For me, tell me on the day I'm getting the watch and the trip but organise both together.

TBH though gifts you've had to save 3 years for are never going to be quite what you hoped. That seems ridiculous to me.

I spent £12 on DH's last birthday. It was classical music tuition I thought he'd enjoy but I gave him an IOU l on the day so that he could choose the exact session he wanted to do.

I personally wouldn't want an expensive watch, but I can understand he didn't just want the watch, he wanted the experience of buying an expensive watch, and as a once in a lifetime thing, that possibility has now gone.

He's behaving badly, but it sounds like OP is hiding away rather than telling him how she feels too.

Awful, just awful.

Him, not you. What a huge, thoughtful effort you have gone to for him, OP.

This sort of behaviour is just plain nasty. I would keep my wits about me and consider the possibility that he's deliberately trying to paint me in some sort of bad light in his own mind, and wonder why that might be. Men often do this when they are behaving less than honestly. Unless he has form for behaving like this and it's just an unpleasant aspect of his character?

Regardless, I think you're well within your rights to find your fire over his terrible behaviour and appalling reaction to your generosity.

You've done nothing wrong.

You've just argued against ever staying in a nice hotel, because you know, they're just paid to be nice to you while you sip champagne.

Return the watch, give him the cash to go back himself.
Tell him youll go on the holiday by yourself. Of course he will go. Hes just being a moany prick

To quote Chandler from Friends: ‘Oh no, two women love me! They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet is too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!’

How did we get to this pitiful state that our lives have to be so perfectly curated that we lose all the joy when somethings not quite as we’d envisaged? OP’s husband had been bought a watch and a holiday and is sulking about it. Somewhere along the line something has gone very wrong.

I don’t get the watch fiend thing! It’s not DOING anything that your phone isn’t already doing, & it’s sitting there on your wrist shouting ‘HELLO PLEASE MUG ME; I HAVE LOTS OF DISPOSABLE INCOME SO MY WALLET IS PROBABLY WORTH HAVING, TOO!’

But I get that other people like different things, & if choosing a fancy watch comes with a glass of fizz & being chatted up by a salesperson, then I can see that your dh might have liked the full Monty experience.

He's still being a rude, ungrateful git, though. I’d take it back & take a mate on the holiday.

He wanted the watch, he got the watch, but he actually wanted to be treated like a little prince for ten minutes, by a stranger. All customer serving staff are nice to customers regardless of whether it’s 5 star or 3 star, and whatever I’m offered by staff, be it champagne or anything else, it is going to be included in the price somehow - it’s not because I’m so specially princessy. Can you not see a problem with that diva-like behaviour that upset his wife over an object that he wanted and she saved for 3 years to get for him.

OP, there’s no need to be embarrassed or upset. Your DH is an arse. If you can, return the watch and go buy yourself something with the refund. Not sure what you can do with the holiday. Name change on the flights if possible and bring someone else ?

At least you have saved yourself the hassle of having to buy another gift for him ever again.

I’m sorry that you feel like this , you have made a thoughtful considered choice and whilst I get the comments of he’d wanted the shexperience and the planning I think overall I would still feel like you - it’s not like you know he’d love a Rolex x and you bought him a Tag Heuer (nothing wrong with a Tag btw) and a weekend n say Iceland that you hanker after - I’m sorry that he didnt value you and your effort and thought.

Return the watch and forget about giving him the money, the OP should go buy herself something.

He is being very silly about the watch. Unless it is a very expensive luxury brand with which buying typically comes with a VIP experience similar to trying and buying a wedding dress or high end sports car, with champagne etc, then he's being unreasonable.

The holiday though, i'm with him. Dubai might be on his bucket list, but that means he also probably has a very specific idea of where he wants to go in dubai, which places he wants to visit etc. Thats the kind of trip that needs special planning, not just a package holiday kind of deal, with it worked out what hotel or even multiple hotels you stay at on specific days whilst travelling round the country in a pre planned order to the specific sights etc. Particularly if any of them are excursions that need pre booking or only run on certain days like day trips, ticket entry and the like. Its a once in a lifetime holiday and he needed to be a part of the planning to make it the holiday he dreamed of.

He's being an arse.
He was gifted the watch he wanted from his wife which should be much more special than the shop experience, which is really just nonsense to try and get you to spend more either then or in the future.
And if he wants the experience of planning a trip to Dubai, he can still do that in the future.
I hope he put(s) as much effort into your 50th!

This. He would rather be ungrateful and upset his DW who went to the expense of buying his his dream watch, all because he wanted to go to the store himself?
Completely selfish, shallow and would give me the ick for sure.

Same for the holiday.
Is he always such a control freak?

I don't love surprises but if my DH game me a surprise trip to my bucket list destination I would be excited and so grateful. I might have to let go of my preconceived idea of the trip but I have enough emotional intelligence to do so.

YOU have not messed all this up !

YOU have saved for 3 years !!!
YOU picked the right watch for him

he wanted the ' in shop experience' - how shallow, does he really need a shop assistant or even 2 shop assistants to make him feel ' important ' ?!!!

wouldn't he be embarrassed when it's you that gets out your bank card to pay for it ? he wouldn't be the ' important ' one then would he, that would be you - the one that is paying.

HE now needs to decide if he is going to grow up and act like an adult, an adult whose wife has been incredibly generous for his birthday
and decide if he wants you to exchange the watch for a female one and you can have it.

and if he wants you to change his name on the flights and you can take a friend or a relative.

I hope he is as considerate and generous when it comes to your 50th !!!

Don’t agree with some comments here one tiny bit - my husband would be SO grateful. He’s acting like an absolute cockhead. What a rude man. Did he just want some ego boosting kudos from a shop assistant cos he’s bought a fancy watch or something?!

For big expensive things I'm rarely going to get, the picking and choosing, agonizing over it, anticipating it, etc. provides a huge amount of joy. It helps make it feel more personal. So I do get it.

But I think he's been incredibly rude, especially since you showed how much you listen to him and know him and you've spent 3 fucking years saving for it. Is he normally a bit controlling or could the big five-oh have him feeling unsettled and he (very unreasonably) has taken it out on you?

I would definitely be thinking about whether this a one off or just the surfacing of issues that have been there for a while but you've been brushing aside.

This is not on you. You did a lovely thing and have obviously been very thoughtful and put a lot of effort and hard earned saving in to being able to do this for him. You have NO reason to be embarrassed. You should be cross that he’s been such an ungrateful arsehole.
You need to tell him how hurt you are and explain how hard you’ve saved and the effort that has gone in. It would be the last time I did something like that for him. If you can return the watch I honestly would. Buy yourself something lovely or go on a short break with a friend with the vast amount of money you’ve saved up.

He sounds very status driven and “macho” if you’ve given him exactly what he’s always wanted but he’s upset not to have had the experience of being the big man and being fawned over by the shop staff. The fact that Dubai is on his bucket list gives the same impression. A big ick for me, sorry. Sounds very materialistic and like he needs to be the one in control.
On the plus side there will be plenty of people in Dubai ready to massage his ego and offer service if that’s what he enjoys.

I think it was lovely and thoughtful and clearly you’ve saved up for it and put a lot of effort in. He’s just being a bit ungrateful, so I can see why you’re a bit upset.