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Original poster

Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

520 replies

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 21:32

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

OP posts:
Platypus7 · 23/07/2026 22:03

Has he seen how upset you are and has he apologised? If not he is a complete arse. You have spent time planning a lovely thoughtful gift for him, that should be the important thing - not him sulking because he didn’t get the “in-store experience” (whatever the fuck that is). Is he usually so ungrateful?

Sally2791 · 23/07/2026 22:04

Definitely an arse. My ex did something similar. There was an element of emotional manipulation in it, like making you think you were doing something nice then rejecting it.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 23/07/2026 22:05

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 21:43

He doesn’t want to change it - it’s the one he wanted. He just wanted to handpick it and experience the store experience himself

He wants the ‘big I am’ moment. You have made a phenomenal effort and gone to tremendous expense, he sounds ungrateful and nasty.

chillyputsomesockson · 23/07/2026 22:05

MyGlassMenagerie · 23/07/2026 21:51

But that’s precisely why he’s unhappy, don’t you see that? The watch sounds like it was a big, expensive purchase so he wanted to be involved in the excitement of going to the store and choosing it. Likewise, Dubai is a bucket list holiday for him, but he’s had it dumped on him (wrapped up as a gift) with someone else having made all the decisions about it. The OP clearly meant well, but it’s obvious why it’s fallen flat and that doesn’t make her DH spoilt. His disappointment has just led him to react badly.

Show quote history

Exactly this. I’d feel exactly like DH. You meant well op but you took the joy and excitement out of the experiences for him.

2chocolateoranges · 23/07/2026 22:06

He sounds so bloody ungrateful. He got the watch he wanted and a holiday to somewhere on his bucket list and is annoyed because he didn’t go to the shop to buy the watch or get to book the holiday.

I’d be mega pissed off like you are. This would be the last birthday I’d ever make an effort!

Dweetfidilove · 23/07/2026 22:06

He sounds an ungrateful person, but that depends on how he manages surprises.

My daughter would love the watch, but has asked me quite seriously to never surprise her with a holiday or party. Is your husband like that?

TeenLifeMum · 23/07/2026 22:09

Dh is saving to buy me a second engagement style ring for our 25th wedding anniversary but I’ve said I really want the experience of choosing it together, so I kind of get it but then he should have said that - you’re not a mind reader.

Holidays, I like the planning part with dh so I’m not sure how I’d feel if he just did it all, but we’re on the same page so it’d probably be lovely, whereas my dad always hates mum’s holiday suggestions so he’d hate her doing it all (he’s a control freak).

That said, I was brought up to be grateful so I’d never behave like your dh is and in your place, I’d take the watch back for a refund and keep the money then go to Dubai without him.

chillyputsomesockson · 23/07/2026 22:10

Those saying he’s an arse are completely missing the point. The fact that it’s taken 3 years to save shows exactly why DH is upset. This is not every day experiences and he missed the excitement of the planning and execution of the experiences. I totally understand why DH is annoyed.

RevengeOfTheDirtyLaundry · 23/07/2026 22:10

chillyputsomesockson · 23/07/2026 22:05

Exactly this. I’d feel exactly like DH. You meant well op but you took the joy and excitement out of the experiences for him.

Show quote history

Would you actually let the gift giver know your feelings? Or would you consider her feelings, put aside any disappointment and focus on the fact that she'd taken time and trouble to get you things you actually wanted?

Next year, @MrsM101 , get him a 'World's Best Husband' mug from a charity shop. Preferably one with slight staining or a chip. Present it to him with an ironic smile.

Rhaidimiddim · 23/07/2026 22:12

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 21:32

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

I'm with your DH.

smarterthantheaversgebear · 23/07/2026 22:12

Wow! All that thought, effort and expense you put in and he doesn’t want to go as he wanted to be involved? He’s behaving like a spoiled brat!! No appreciation for the lengths you’ve gone to? Sorry but I’d cancel the lot and tell him to arrange his own celebrations! Feel for you OP you must be devastated xx

Blueberrybonanza · 23/07/2026 22:13

He is a nasty ungrateful arse.
take the watch back for a refund and arrange to do a name change and go to Dubai with a friend.
Then ask him what takeaway he wants for his birthday.

Platypus7 · 23/07/2026 22:14

chillyputsomesockson · 23/07/2026 22:10

Those saying he’s an arse are completely missing the point. The fact that it’s taken 3 years to save shows exactly why DH is upset. This is not every day experiences and he missed the excitement of the planning and execution of the experiences. I totally understand why DH is annoyed.

It’s not like she’s gone on holiday without him and then shown him the photos- he still gets to go to Dubai!! The saving money and booking flights is the boring bit - now he gets to plan what they do there, where they go etc…

Even if she’d got him a terrible gift - she’s his wife, she put a lot of thought into it and he’s a grown up, not some spoilt child upset about his 10th birthday.

digitalkiosk · 23/07/2026 22:14

He’s being extremely ungrateful Op. Return the watch. Doubt you can change the holiday but may be you can go with someone else. He’s been rude

MeOldBamboo · 23/07/2026 22:15

I would have loved someone to go to all that trouble and planning for me. What wonderful and thoughtful gifts.

To get that awful reaction would be a gut punch for me. I hope you can recover from this.

Original poster
MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 22:17

No to be honest I’ve hidden upstairs crying, I’m embarrassed and upset that I’ve messed this up so much. I don’t think he realises how upset I am, he is sat watching tv

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 23/07/2026 22:17

A question for those who have said they are with the DH - what should OP have got him?

He sounds the type that would have been annoyed with just some socks/chocs and a meal out.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 23/07/2026 22:19

ContractorQuestion · 23/07/2026 21:47

Take the watch back and get a refund. Go to Dubai without him. Sorry I disagree with the previous comments, I think he’s being an ungrateful sod.

Edited

I'm with you. What the hell.
I would be sooo pissed off if I went to all this effort and all I got was complaints.

Sod you.

Notasbigasithink · 23/07/2026 22:19

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 21:32

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

He's acting spoilt and entitled!
You got him gifts that HE wanted ffs?!
I'd return the watch and take someone else on holiday with me the ungrateful sod!
So basically he wanted you to tell him you'd buy him a watch of his choice and book a holiday that he could choose? You might as well of just written him a cheque for £10k and stuck it in a card for him.....
I bet he wouldn't make this much of an effort for your birthday?!

ConstitutionHill · 23/07/2026 22:20

MyGlassMenagerie · 23/07/2026 21:51

But that’s precisely why he’s unhappy, don’t you see that? The watch sounds like it was a big, expensive purchase so he wanted to be involved in the excitement of going to the store and choosing it. Likewise, Dubai is a bucket list holiday for him, but he’s had it dumped on him (wrapped up as a gift) with someone else having made all the decisions about it. The OP clearly meant well, but it’s obvious why it’s fallen flat and that doesn’t make her DH spoilt. His disappointment has just led him to react badly.

Show quote history

"Dumped on him"?

Mylovelygreendress · 23/07/2026 22:20

I think he sounds ungrateful . You have gone to a lot of expense and bought thoughtful gifts and he is behaving like a spoiled brat .
What on earth is a store experience??

Notasbigasithink · 23/07/2026 22:21

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 22:17

No to be honest I’ve hidden upstairs crying, I’m embarrassed and upset that I’ve messed this up so much. I don’t think he realises how upset I am, he is sat watching tv

You haven't messed this up at all!!!! He is acting beyond ungrateful 🙄

FinallyHere · 23/07/2026 22:22

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 21:59

thank you all for your views, I’m trying to remain open to everyone’s opinion. I just don’t know how I could have done this differently without it looking like I haven’t made an effort. It’s a big birthday, I took note of things that were on his radar and to be honest if I hadn’t have got the watch or holiday I genuinely do t knew what else I could have got him to make it special. Vouchers just don’t seem right for a big birthday

Could you have focused on showing what an effort you had made at the expense of letting him be involved ? Could you have started asking whether he would like to be involved or have you do everything?

I’m #TeamDH. Part of the fun of big purchases like this is exactly the planning and all the decisions you have made. in fact a lot of the fun for me would be in that planning

having someone else do that without consulting me would really make me sad.

Platypus7 · 23/07/2026 22:24

MrsM101 · 23/07/2026 22:17

No to be honest I’ve hidden upstairs crying, I’m embarrassed and upset that I’ve messed this up so much. I don’t think he realises how upset I am, he is sat watching tv

You’ve not messed anything up. I’m hoping he will realise how awful he’s been and apologise to you when he thinks it through.

Doggymummar · 23/07/2026 22:24

I'm kind of with him on this. For my 50th we went to Singapore and Australia. My dream and I booked it all was given a budget from my partner and he paid for it. For my 40th I was with my ex husband, I wanted to go to Dubai. He booked Jersey and I didn't know till we got to the airport. The flights were for the day before we got to the airport and I had summer clothes for Jersey in December. Also it was 2 nights when I had two weeks booked off work. I was furious and a bit of a brat. He then bought jewellery to try and make up for it. A bracelet when I never wear a watch or bracelets, again no consideration for what I want.

. Planning holidays is all part of the experience to me.