Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

He sounds like a petulant child who is obsessed with controlling things.

If possible, I’d return the watch and tell him he can save up to buy it himself, and not to worry about your 50th as you’ve already saved the money to buy your own present.

Likewise the holiday, hopefully you can refund or change tickets and take yourself on a nice holiday as an early birthday present.

Just… what an absolute twat. Breathtaking. I’d be over the moon if someone cared enough to do all that for me.

Not everyone wants to feel like a princess. I can’t think of anything worse. Genuinely.

We don’t all enjoy being made to feel “special”because someone is getting paid to fawn over us.

Tbh it’s weird that you don’t know him well enough to have not known that it wasn’t about the watch or Dubai. Just from what you’ve written it sounds like what he wants is the prestige and to feel like a wanted customer of a luxury good, to walk out of the shop strutting like a peacock that he’s just been treated like a princeling for an hour and can afford a high roller item. He’ll remember that feeling every time he puts the watch on. Bear in mind these companies spend millions on advertising to sell their goods on this feeling, so he’s clearly fallen for it.

It obviously wasn’t about the watch and its mechanics or even the label. It’s what the watch represents and how it might make him feel.

Same for the holiday. If a 50yo man is pining for a holiday in Dubai, it’s not for the shopping in the malls or sitting by a pool drinking cocktails and watching the sunset. It’s because he wants a luxury experience, which starts with oohing and aahing over the various hotels and the palm properties, the cars in the adverts and the valets at the hotel entrance, picking the crappest room in the fanciest hotel renown for it’s coveted bars and restaurants, for the infinity pool that will make for good photos where he can wear his watch and pretend like he’s rich.

To each his own, that’s not the point. The point is that you don’t know that this is what he wants. If current trends had pointed to the Maldives instead of Dubai, he would have gone there. He’s not in it for the watch or for Dubai; he’s in it for how these things make him feel. By doing what you did - for all the right reasons, of course! - you’ve misunderstood him and devalued his fantasies to things that can be “sullied” by mundanities such as saving up, saving him a trip to the shops etc. You’ve denied him the chance to fulfill his fantasies.

Maybe you can do something about this by acknowledging this to him, while at the same time pointing out that a little appreciation for what you have done might be in order too. You’re both kind of in the wrong and both reactions are understandable, and it will be fine in the end. You just have to get there. Let him take the watch into the store with you, tell them it was a gift but he hadn’t fully settled on it, is there anything else he can have a look at? Flights are booked and that’s fine - see if the hotel can be refunded and if he wants to look for something else. Just find a middle ground.

Yes, I think he did.

OP can take the watch back. I don't agree with you. Hes ungrateful I don't see it as an issue this is OPs DH.

I also would ask a friend or family member if they wanted to go to Dubai instead. Its not a chore to go on holiday is it? Some people would moan about absolutely anything. He sounds miserable OP. Sorry!

The egos of men (and some women), honestly.

Op, sorry you are feeling sad. A lovely, well intended gift there. But this has made me realise that when it’s my DH’s next big birthday (watch in mind) I’ll take him to the shop, buy him champers after and then hopefully plan a lovely holiday together x

This isn’t about the presents at all. He is being an entitled, sulky dick because he has chosen to punish you for how he is feeling.
I think you need to take back the watch and let him know that you’re going to Dubai with your bestie instead. He can sort himself out.

So what do people think the OP should have done for his birthday? Gotten him something he wasn't really keen on that showed no thought at all?

She did a lovely thing and even if it wasn't exactly how he would have liked to receive it he should have been graceful and appreciative. That's what we teach our children isn't it? That it's the thought that counts and that we need to show appreciation for any gift we receive. I really don't understand why so many people are supporting the DH here. His behaviour is really off.

Hes probably a D**k in general.

I would definitely take the watch back for a refund. I would also not be going on a holiday with such a petulant man child. This would be a deal breaker for me. I cannot understand how anyone could be so ungrateful for the time and effort the OP has put into this, to provide this specimen with things he actually wanted! If the whole 'shopping' experience was so important to him he should have just gone and bought the damn watch himself. Likewise the bucket list holiday. Unbelievably entitled to say 'you gave me what I wanted, but not in the right way'.
Out of interest OP, what is like with the presents he gives you? How would he react if your reaction to something he gave you was the same?

I’d take the watch back and cancel the holiday, then he can have all the experience he wants re-buying the same watch and booking the same holiday with his own money!!

Is there a prize for being being a total bitch in the first 3 comments? Same posters same pattern every thread.

I think this is valid though, and a view most would share. My husband has his eye on a particular watch, and while we could
afford it, he won’t buy it until the children are grown up and properly self supporting.

I have toyed with the idea of surprising him with it anyway, but I won’t for this reason - he will want the full buying experience.

edited to add - most who dream of a particular watch.brand of watch would share - most people don’t actually care!

Agree- first responses can’t be serious!

Husband is being a miserable prick.
I’d take the watch back and ask a mate to go instead- tell him your intention and watch his face change.

The gifts were things he wanted. 🙄
I cannot believe that the exact watch he wanted was given to him and he's upset he didn't get the experience of buying it from the store himself.
And his bucket list holiday is paid for, but he's upset he didn't get to sort it himself.

JFC. @MrsM101 does he always shit all over your attempts to do nice things? I have a feeling he does this sulking act a lot.
Unless you are a controlling narcissistic bitch that has to make grand gestures in order to get praise and admiration, or you have form for doing things that are off the mark and playing victim, I'd say your dh is a jerk. Cash in the holiday, go alone, or take someone who will appreciate it, that you can have fun with.

And return the watch. Obviously.

He hasn't got control and he doesn't like it.

You've been so thoughtful and he is an ungrateful child.

I think he is being an ungrateful twat! I’ve gifted my DH both those things and both times he was nothing other than delighted and happy. Like you op, I picked a holiday that I knew he wanted to go on and a watch he’d always wanted.
If he had have been rude to me about it, I’d have cancelled the holiday and returned the watch.

Hi @MrsM101
I'm so sorry that you're so upset. I don't think you've "messed up" or done anything wrong - it's your DH who has behaved appallingly.

How to move forward...

Can you return the watch and maybe get a refund, or at least a credit note? If so, do that, and, if you still want to buy him that watch, give him the money or credit note and he can go and get it himself.
I think he's being ridiculous, you got him the EXACT watch he wanted, but he's still not happy, so let him go and get it himself.
Or keep the money/credit note and choose something else for him eg a box of Maltesers...

As for the holiday that he "doesn't want to go on" - why doesn't he want to go? Given that Dubai is on his bucket list - what would he want to do differently - eg different hotel location?
I've been there several times, visiting family, and many of the hotels are very similar- private beach, pool, spa. It doesn't make a lot of difference which one.
And Dubai is very small, with very few 'sites' to see and all very accessible from pretty much anywhere.
So what specifically is his problem with what you've booked?

Could you keep the flights, but change the hotel and let him choose that? If you feel like placating him...

Or just cancel it - would you lose much money? Would it be worth it for the 'fuck you' factor?

Or, as other PP have said - go with a friend or on your own. Although that could be seen as the nuclear option.
If you do go on your own, don't worry about safety - I felt very safe there, on the beach/at the mall/in restaurants etc on my own.

I hope you see things differently this morning, OP - you've done nothing wrong. I hope he wakes up and realises what a selfish ungrateful prick he's been and reacts like a normal human being would ie grateful and excited, and appreciate of the massive amount of thought, time, money, and energy you put into giving him a wonderful 50th birthday.

💐💐💐

He sounds like a bit of a twat tbh.

Tell him you can transfer the holiday and go with a friend if he doesn’t want it- see what he says…

This - did he want to feel like Billy Big Bollocks flashing (your) cash about to buy an overpriced watch and have a sales assistant fawn over him?

It’s really hard op, over the years dh has gotten me presents that many would ooh and ah over, but they I would have enjoyed picking/ getting myself either him/ talking to him about (and actually I would have enjoyed the most basic of presents instead!)

It’s actually weirdly one of the things we’ve ended up arguing about the most!! One of the things he got me was the equivalent of an Apple Watch, where I had a normal watch I really loved and tbh the money could have gone towards something necessary eg a bill that month but I didn’t say that bit)

I wore his watch on and off but it would beep every so often and my manager asked me to turn it off- I thought it easier not to wear it and this lead into a ‘why I don’t appreciate his presents’ argument. I appreciate that he spent time picking them but I can’t make myself love something that was something I would have been better off had I been able to pick/ decide I needed (years earlier he’d bought me a tablet, that came up in the argument that I’d continued using the house laptop). It may be ungrateful but I can’t help it and when mn people say their dh got them a card and sweets/ flowers I do think ‘aw I’d love that!!🙈)

I'm probably not helping

This. Some very weird and selfish people on this thread. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that!

Absolutely awful behaviour from your DH. You did a lovely thing OP. I'd return the watch ⌚️

When people say well what could she have got him, the same things but with his involvement?

Isn't the watch similar to how some women like to pick their own engagement ring? They don't want to be surprised, they like going to the shop, trying things on and I guess if it's something fancy then the whole experience of staff being extra nice knowing it's a big sale.

Same with the holiday. Perhaps he had certain things in mind and liked the idea of researching.

I think surprises always backfire.

OP I’d absolutely love a surprise holiday. Your DH is a miserable git.