Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

I know what he means about the experience of buying something significant however you get that as you have bought the present. You get to give that nice present (the watch he wanted) and see his happy face as you have saved for it. Just that he hasn’t had that happy face because he isn’t very nice. If he wants the whole buying experience then he needs to buy the bloody watch!

How utterly ungrateful of him.

I agree with others. I would be taking the watch back. Nasty way to treat you.

You've obviously gone to a lot of effort and he should have acknowledged that. You've listened to what he has said he would like and gone to a lot of expense too. Return the watch buy something for yourself. He can pop to the shop and buy his own. Cancel the holiday and get whatever refund you can. You've tried your best and had it thrown back in your face. He's extraordinarily ungrateful.

If my DH had been squirrelling money for years then spent it on experiences that I’d always dreamed of having damn right he’d know I was pissed off!
But he wouldn’t do that because he understands the fun is in the build up and planning. For my 40th he took me to NYC, he said let’s go for your 40th, I’ve save the money for upgraded flights. We then planned it together, I planned where I wanted to visit, what part of the city I wanted to stay in, I chose the hotel, it was everything I’d dreamed it would be.
Had DH just announced he’d booked it all I would have been extremely disappointed. I’d have gone and had an ok time but it wouldn’t have been what I’d dreamed of because he’d book a different hotel in a different part of the city and wouldn’t know what stuff I’d want to do that needed prebooking. I’d be really annoyed that he’d spent all that money and although it was NYC, it wasn’t the holiday in NYC I’d dreamed of.
OP just needed to save the money then for his birthday plan a trip into town to go to the watch shop and ‘Surpise!’ We’re going to get you that watch! Then ‘Surprise!’ Ive also save enough, let’s go to the travel agents and look at Dubai holidays! The DH would have been static!
As per pp, op can tell herself she’s done it all for DH, but realistically, she’s done it in a way that she assumed she’d get lots of glory herself and it’s backfired.

I would hate someone to do this for me. I'd hate the fact that they had saved for three years, because the pressure to enjoy it would be enormous. I'd hate to go to a bucket list place with no input into the itinerary, the hotel or locale we stayed in. And knowing then, that id probably never get to go back and do it 'properly'. The watch...might be okay...but would put me under huge obligation to reciprocate.
Sorry OP it's not what I would want.

He sounds ungrateful and a bit spoiled tbh

He wanted the experience of picking out the watch? Is he 5 years old? It's just a salesperson offering you tea and biscuits and chatting to you. They get paid to be nice

OP I'm with you. You tried so hard to get it right. You bought exactly the things he wanted. I don't see what else you could do.

If you didn't buy those things, what would be have had to open on his birthday? An IOU? A card? He's being ridiculous.

No I m with him .
The in store experience is part of it and he didn’t get to do that . He didn’t even get to choose which one he wanted . He will have wanted to try different options and had the conversation with the actual expert . The champagne is a lovely touch too and makes for a lovely memory .
I be disconcerted at the surprise holiday as well, I’d feel like a child having no input or say on the details . It’s all a bit disempowering. I acknowledge there are people out there that love surprises , the weirdos 😂 Has your Dh enjoyed surprises in the past ?
What a huge and expensive gamble .
I have a dream luxury item I’d love to own someday , if my dh took a secret trip to the boutique, enjoyed the sales patter and champagne alone and presented it as a fait accompli I’d be gutted .

Hindsight is a marvellous thing but being a watch fiend myself , even when I know exactly which one ( I think I want) I want the experience in the shop looking / trying them all on - the glass of champagne while I am deciding - it’s all part of the experience. I think what you should have done is taken him shopping for his watch and had lunch etc made a big day of it. that’s how I did it for DH when he had his heart set on a specific watch. Personally I would be a bit disappointed if I was just given the watch as a present but wouldn’t have reacted like your DH.

The holiday I’m less bothered about , love holidays but if someone plans it not a problem as trips etc. can be added once there.

Some of these responses are insane. You got him two expensive presents that he wanted. He’s being a dick. Incredibly weird behaviour on his part.

Why are you embarrassed? Your husband is the one at fault here. Go downstairs and give him both barrels. He knows your upset and really doesn't care.

He's a spoiled brat. I'm embarrassed for him.

I hate hate hate surprise parties or activities for my birthday but I'd never behave so churlishly if my H or kids did something like this.

It would have been well intended and loving and that's what matters.

(Later, I'd make it clear not to do it again)

God, I hate the way Mumsnet panders to men! Women remotely upset by an inappropriate birthday present are told they should be grateful for anything. A woman planning for years to give a man something HE HAS ASKED FOR is told she should have asked him first! So incredibly depressing.

And return the watch. He doesn't get to keep it.

I can see both sides. My husband has never understood that when he wants to treat me to something big, he really does need me to be involved with the decision-making. It would still be a wonderful surprise to be told 'I want to do this for you, but I need you to be involved to make sure I get things right'. I'm not exactly a control freak but I don't like having no control.

You picked the right watch and holiday, but he would have enjoyed helping you make it happen which is fair enough. What you did was thoughtful, so it's a shame he couldn't keep a lid on his emotions and not sulk like a spoilt child.

Take the watch back, if they won’t refund it, buy yourself one with a credit note. Or if you’ve had it too long, sell it and keep the money.

Go on holiday by yourself, and take trips or safer still just stay by the pool in the hotel and enjoy yourself.

Even if we give him a bit of leeway that he wanted the ‘experience’ of buying the watch and doing the booking etc, the way he has treated the op is inexcusable. He’s behaved like an ungrateful brat - there are better ways to say he’s disappointed in not getting his watch choosing moment without being an arsehole to the partner who has saved up for ages to try and make him happy.

I'd be pretty upset in DHs position also - completely understand his thoughts in both respects.

Buying a nice watch is an occasion in itself, going to the dealer and trying it on etc etc. I'd be pretty miffed if I didn't get to experience that part too..

In terms of how you could have done it differently - taken him there for his bday, and let him try them on and pick for himself!

I think the biggest issue is that just because he didn’t get it exactly as he wanted he’s thrown his toys out of the pram and said he’s not going on the holiday! He won’t suck up a slight bit of disappointment at things not being exactly as he wanted, and is happy to upset his wife who has put in so much effort to get him the present she genuinely thought he wanted.

My husband surprised me with a surprise trip to Dubai for my 40th….he even arranged time off work with my boss! I was over the moon and we had an amazing time away….i would return the watch and speak with the agent and ask if you can change the destination and date etc. I certainly wouldn’t go away under these circumstances.

im flabbergasted that people are defending him, you’re all absolutely spoilt brats. Are you honestly saying you’d tell someone who went to great lengths to surprise you with things you actually wanted, that you were sad/pissed off/disappointed because they didn’t involve you in the planning? Astonishingly ungrateful and cruel.

Some of these responses are unbelievable. Can’t think of anything more “first world problems” than people feeling sad about receiving much-desired, hugely expensive gifts that weren’t given in the exact way they wanted.

The last time I threw a strop over a present was in my teens, and I still feel embarrassed about it. But at 50?!?

Frankly it’s a bit of a red flag for me. Is your marriage ok otherwise, OP?

Hard agree, who the fuck complains about their gift?! I would never! So rude and ungrateful.

Return the watch for starters.

‘Upset’, really? I find this fascinating. I get upset when something bad happens. Not when someone gives me a present that I wanted.

He's 50. He's supposed to have matured a long time ago.

I get the impression that he would have picked fault with whatever you did for his birthday.

I’m not missing the point, it was a gift. I don’t take people gift shopping I buy them something I know they would like. This is what OP did. He’s basically having a tantrum because he got a surprise!

I would be so grateful if my dh had saved hard for all these years and surprised me with a holiday, any holiday. He never books anything , it’s always me.

i have a friend who has saved for 4 years to surprise her mum with a gift to New York for her 60th and this mum cried for days as she was so emotional and grateful that someone would do that for her,

You spent a lot of time and money getting him two luxurious things that were on his bucket list - not random stuff. He sounds wildly spoilt and childish - also a bit controlling. Is he deliberately trying to bring you down for some reason?