Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

What champagne? My husband bought me a £20,000 Rolex for my 40th, he didn’t get champagne 🤣
Also a trip to Australia and he didn’t even get to come for the first week!

I’m afraid i agree with this. I’d be devastated if my partner reacted like this - and even if he felt this way, he would not have treated me in this way. That you were so convinced that this is what he would like and yet he has turned around and thrown it back in your face speaks to me of deeper issues in your marriage than perhaps you realise.

I am so sorry, but I’d be in tears too.

Christ, so fucking depressing the lengths that women will go to to excuse absolutely fucking vile behaviour of men to their wives. Someone crying in the bedroom because her husband has made her feel bad for getting him the watch hes always wanted and the holiday hes always wanted to go on. Just absolutely breathtakingly depressing. Tell him to fuck off OP and take the watch back. He can buy it himself.

Hope she comes back to say she has done exactly that

Eh? He acts like an ungrateful, spoilt prick but she should forget that and grovel around asking him to plan some things so he can feel better? Do you think she should have no dignity at all?

For those who didn't read as far as the OP's second post, and think that the husband doesn't like surprises, here is what she said:

I feel he would also have been put out if there was no surprise present

I slept on things and plan to speak to him over the weekend about in a civil way. I wasn’t feeling up to it last night. I’m hoping he has reflected on things too before I bring it up.

For text around the holiday, I booked flights and hotels but left all the excursions and restaurants etc so that we could do that together, the holiday is planned for some time away as we already have a couple of family trips planned. He planned a surprise break for me for my 40th (a few years ago) I feel blind sided by his response especially as he saw fit to do that for my birthday

Someone asked about the financial logistics, this wasn’t saved for out of my regular monthly wage, I worked a lot of overtime and set that aside in a savings space each month. I only worked the overtime to find the birthday gifts.

Wondering if he is a tiktokker or youtuber? Seems performative

Geez @MrsM101 he doesn’t deserve you.

I hope the talk goes well and he apologises profusely

No definitely not, we are both regular people working normal jobs living a regular family life

I hope for that also for the OP as for me nothing else would suffice or exonerate her DH's disgusting and selfish behaviour and attitude! 🙄😡

Now I know that he planned a surprise holiday for you, I take back my earlier comment about having sympathy for him.

Me too.

This.

Why is he being such a sulky child. Has he always been a fault finder.

Not fawned over by shop assistants.... and not on the internet for ages booking flights for a place he's always wanted to visit

Now she's being "punished" for not mind reading, and not trying hard enough.

It feels like he would have found fault with anything she planned. As if that could turn the clock back and delay a milestone birthday.

Don't go apologising to him anymore OP. He doesn't deserve it.

Thank you for the mixed responses, I very much get the feeling that most feel he was unappreciative however some of the comments have made me realise some people like to be involved in the present choosing side of things and that’s important to some of you. I’ve never had a discussion with him around this and definitely will do this weekend. I never want to feel this way again, it’s been pretty disheartening

@MrsM101 , some people would like to be involved but would you treat the person you love the way he treated you? That's the key difference.

And that's what is sparking the negative response from people.

I can't believe he planned a surprise trip as a birthday present for you and he reacts this way to the beautiful gesture you did for him. Especially as he can still plan the activities he does when he goes there.
To be honest, from your posts, it's clear that he does not deserve you. I really hope you stand up for yourself.

Irrespective of the chat you both have, the watch should be returned. It will just be a reminder of negativity.

Give him a real surprise: File for Divorce on line Tonight.

He is showing you who he is! That's the end of the marriage. He is a spoilt brat. Do not entertain any more of his shenanigans.

Have a good life without this Ungrateful Brat putting you down.

I get the feeling you are always the appeaser in this relationship.

I honestly can not believe that he has not come to talk to you himself after having all night and best part of today to reflect.

He honestly believes his behaviour is okay. And it is not.
It does not matter whether he knows how much he upset you or not.
He can not claim that he is not aware something is off unless you have been singing Sound of Music lyrics and skipping happily through the rest of yesterday and today.

I fear he takes you for granted.

I don’t recall saying that the OP should grovel? You can act graciously without losing your dignity.

Yes of course the OP knew he would absolutely hate the surprises...DOH! That's why she took 3 years to save up enough money to pay for it and carefully arrange flights and hotel, just so her DH could have a massive meltdown and hate everything! FFS!! 🙄😱

Big Hug, dry your tears, bring up your anger, and do what you now know you need to do on line. Present him with the forms in the morning. You will then feel so much better and be able to get on with your life On Your Own eventually.

Are you this fucking rude IRL? What a dick response.

There is a saying I heard a lot growing up which is 'if you ask a stupid question you can expect a stupid answer'! Well I guess all that can be said is that we can change the word 'stupid' to your charming alternative 'dick' and say no more?! 🙄😊

This sounds really sensible.

Let's hope Mr M101 has also had a chance to maturely reflect and that you can both enjoy the trip.