Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

Sometimes you can’t win! I took Dh and arrange as a surprise for my sister and her husband to meet us at the airport to join us. He said later he’d wished it was just us 🙄, we’re all good friends and often holiday and socialise together!

I dont think I would have liked that either - not every holiday has to be with other people

I am with OP on this. I would be delighted and humbled if my spouse went to these efforts. I could never in a million years sulk or get annoyed. I find it really bizarre that he is acting this way. He is getting gifts. These are gratuitous. There is a lot of well meaning behind these gifts.

Crucially, no other person on the planet will give her DH these gifts.

I can see where you're coming from but I also see DH's point of view. I would probably have booked the tickets as the surprise and then pick hotels/excursions together, I wouldn't like having a whole holiday planned for me especially if its somewhere I had always wanted to go.
Likewise with the watch, I would have planned a day outing to the store as the surprise but let him try them on and then purchase it for him.
Not everything has to be a surprise to be special/meaningful.

Ops husband is a spoiled bitch.

I can understand him being upset if it was things he didn't want but it's things he did want.

He wanted to experience the shopping experience? What is he 12? FFS.

What an ungrateful sod.

I know it doesn't help you OP, but I am currently saving up for a surprise holiday for my husband's 50th next year, and I planned his present to be a watch. I am really really surprised at the amount of posters siding with your husband (personally I'd prefer the suprise), but I'll be asking my husband now whether he'll prefer a surprise or to be involved in the planning!

You must be really hurt. In a smaller way I can understand why as my mother was like this. She’d always drop hints about what she’d like for her birthday, sometimes admiring something I had, like a handbag or bracelet. So I’d buy her one similar, not exactly the same but usually nicer, one I wouldn’t afford for myself.
Then she’d unwrap it & the reaction was always the same. “Mmmm, nice” she’d say with a sour look on her face & Id never see the item being used. My DH still jokes, kindly not nastily as he was always the butt of her displeasure, about this to this day, my mother having died years ago, as he always noticed her reaction. I found it very hurtful so you have my sympathy.
You should do what I never had the courage to do, take back the watch, get a refund & don’t buy something else in its place. The holiday, I don’t know what you could do about that really.

It’s not irrelevant. He’s thrown a tantrum because his wife was not able to read his mind. He should be ashamed of himself for caring so much about having his ego stroked by a shop assistant. It’s pathetic.

Eh? He wanted to go into the shop and ask for the exact watch you've bought, try it on, and then stand back and watch you pay for it? How odd!

Honestly, I'd cancel the Dubai trip, or take a friend, and return the watch. The ungrateful git would get a (small) box of Dairy Milk on future birthdays.

I’m sure you can salvage this. He is happy with his watch. Maybe you could ask him to plan a few things that he would like to do in Dubai so he has some control over it.
You sound lovely and I am sure you will have a lovely time together.

It is not the “what” or object that matters.

Instead it is the idea that one’s reaction must match someone else’s expectations.

I think the expectation was that her DH would be pleased with getting the watch he wanted and the destination holiday of his choice.

I agree with those saying take the watch back and either cancel the holiday or go yourself. Your husband is being a childish twat.

A reaction of annoyance to being given gifts is not appropriate. Not for a child, and not for a 50 year old man.

Why would you think this was a nice thing to do ?

I couldn’t even imagine a 12 year old, if they got a game consul and all the games they wanted, throwing a strop because they had to open them at home instead of going to the shop.

Really surprised at how many people are defending this spoilt 50 year old child. No one would defend an actual child for this behaviour.

I’m the same , surprises are just horrible , I hate the shock of it , I hate the secrecy .
My DH knows this about me though.
How does the OP not know this about her DH?

In the past DH has bought me flights and put together a care package from the destination (mainly food items, but also some little toiletries from the destination etc). Then he gave me a budget for the hotel/accommodation/experiences.

I got the fun of looking where we'd stay, what we'd do etc. (All the exciting bits that DH knew I loved) But he had the flights / parking / cat sitter (boring stuff) paid for and arranged, so it felt tangible and that he had spent time, thought and effort arranging it.

OPs husband shouldn't be so ungracious as to be down about it though. She was unquestionably very generous. Just perhaps didn't think about whether DH wanted to be part of the chosing journey. He needs to apologise and be grateful for the effort she went through though.

She wanted him to have the watch he desired and the trip he wanted to go on.

So many excuses rolled out to explain a rotten reaction to such thoughtful gifts.

OK, the thing he wants is pathetic.
That doesn't change the facts.
As I said earlier, the question is 'why did she not know what it was he actually wanted'. You can read the options I posted so I don't need to post them again. But 'him not communicating to her what he wanted' was one of them, yes.

I would guess he likes both presents but doesn't want to be under pressure to reciprocate when it's your big birthday OP. Therefore he's playing upset now and you'll forever be made to feel embarassed for doing something nice. Take him at his word and cancel the holuday OP. Then treat yourself to a weekend away from Mr Misery.

Great l, positive suggestions. You should be a relationship councillor!

Pretty moronic to mention the Guardian in your post for no apparent reason! 🙄

Were you aware of his attitude to big surprises before you booked the trip?

He was rude, certainly. But if he enjoys the pleasure of looking forward to things, I can see he'd be a bit disappointed to have that element of the trip removed.

As an aside, DH was left some money by a friend of MIL. I couldn't abide the woman so made it clear that I wanted no part of it; it would have been hypocritical. So he bought himself a posh watch. I went with him. And the process really was rather fun.

Is he normally an arse? Does he have form?