Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

You think my post is moronic. That's great. I really value your opinion. 🥴

The fact that I said I wouldn't like to go to Dubai is not really the main crux of what I was saying but I guess your reading comprehension must be fairly poor.

Are you usually so rude to strangers?

How weird - so many people are team DH.

Gifts are inherently a surprise. When did we start pre-announcing what the gift is and taking recipients to the shop to pick them. Bizarre .

I would have been really touched by the thought - you made a lot of effort that deserved some appreciation OP. Sorry uour DP is such an ungrateful dickhead.

Prada usually offer coffee and cake, especially in ME where its not a tourist activity, I always feel anxious with children running around, cake, drinks. It just seems so wrong. To be fair, the experience isnt meant to be swanky, if I go to Rolex its either to buy something I have been on a waiting list for which is an investment, or to do some deals on swaps or service etc. It takes hours and you are talking relatively large sums of money so there is a delegate of privacy and a coffee.

Surprising people with booked things never works out!! My mum did that with tickets to the Theatre, I told her to refund them and she couldn’t. I was 5 weeks PP recovering from a c section and it was infected and I was in so much pain! Not wanting to be apart from my new born naturally either. She booked it for her not me. I even said what was you thinking? I’ll of just had a baby! She knew I was pregnant. People do surprises for self gratification mainly.

Yes if they are showboating their ignorance. Touched a nerve there 🤣

God I mention loads of things, I’m glad my husband doesn’t buy them! I need a few months or years to mull it over before I actually commit.

You are probably right as a general rule that pre-booked surprises are risky, but in this case the husband had clearly said he wanted to go, and as his wife, one would imagine the OP would know if he had anything coming up, such as medical procedures, that could affect his ability to travel.

Theatre tickets always tricky anyway, there are so many genres and within that types (for example I like Verdi and Puccini but dislike Mozart - and even then there's one Puccini opera I loathe). Theatre tokens - the national ones accepted by most theatres in the West End and across the UK - are the way to go if someone loves theatre. Allows them to choose what show(s) and when.

Surely that also applies to holidays? So many different hotels and experiences in Dubai. Wanting to go to Dubai could be compared to wanting to go to "the theatre". It's not wrong to say that you wanted to go go, but the specifcs of the trip could still be wrong.

I doubt the Op just booked any old hotel in Dubai - he's clearly articulated where he wants to go.
Why assume she's booked the "wrong" hotel?

He is looking for excuses not to be grateful and not to be happy.
I think that hints at deeper problems.
Not of your making as he is suggesting. Dig a little deeper. What's really going on with him?
It is pretty shit turning 50. The sands of time do feel like they are running out. Hopefully it's just that as other explanations are worse.

Well as he doesn’t wish to go really.l,

Railroaded by a new watch and a surprise holiday?!

This unbelievable, I'm so sorry OP. I think people should be grateful for any present, but to turn his nose up at these huge, expensive gifts, as well as all the time and effort you've put in, beggars belief. Lesson learned OP, money time and effort spent on yourself in future.

I surprised my late OH for his 70th birthday and while he seemed pleased I felt there was something wrong. It was for a flight in a Tiger Moth plane, he loved planes, but he told me it's an open cockpit, which I didn't realise, and he had a real fear of exposure. Eventually he went, with my promise that he could back out at any time, I thought he would when I saw it was like a motorbike with flimsy wings. He loved it, bought the photograph and also the expensive video of the whole flight. Surprises do sometimes work out.

Is Dubai currently safe to visit? I was on a video call recently and the people were getting mobile alerts of potential attacks.

OP, I think the mistake you’ve made was by getting him the ‘things’ he wanted but not letting him enjoy the planning and ‘experience’ of the gifts.

Whether people think he wanted the schmoozing or whether he just wanted to go to the shop, try on the watch, and say to you, thank you, yes I’d like this one is immaterial, it just sounds as if that’s what he wanted.

It also sounds as if he wanted to be involved in the planning of the holiday, even if it was only at a high level. I always loved the planning part of a holiday almost as much as the trip itself but that is a personal view.

Perhaps, despite your best intentions, he feels he’s missed out on the ‘experiences’ and just got the packages. Can you ask him if that’s the case and say you misread ?

Don’t beat yourself up! This is ridiculously ungrateful behaviour on his behalf.

You bought him a new watch for his birthday - I fail to see what you have done wrong there. Sulking about not having ‘the shop experience’ is ridiculously childish and no one would expect that he would have wanted to do that. That’s not how gifts work. You have done nothing wrong here. It’s pathetic behaviour on his behalf and you sound very caring, thoughtful and generous. Don’t let his babyish behaviour make you think less of yourself.

As for the holiday - it’s on his bucket list! Again, you’ve been thoughtful, caring and generous.

His behaviour is just childish and ungrateful.

This is a him problem - not you!

You haven’t messed anything up - his expectations are wild!

What an ungrateful man-child.

Cancel the holiday if he’s that annoyed by your thoughtfulness.

I completely agree with you!

Exactly this!

This is wild! You saved for years to achieve this. I’m astonished by these responses.
i have no interest in Dubai or watches but if someone went through so much trouble I’d be v grateful and delighted. He’s rude!

take the watch back and transfer the cash.

go on the holiday with a friend and get him a voucher for an experience day. Entitled git!

The thing is that for some people the ‘experience’ enhances the gift. For the watch, I would have taken my husband for shopping and lunch, dragged him into the watch shop and suggested he try on the watch and if he decided he wanted it for his birthday I would buy it. Win win ?

For the holiday, I’d tell him I’d saved the money for a trip to wherever and suggest we settled down and planned the trip together.

I think OP just misread how her husband would have preferred the items on his bucket list and he would have had a chance to say whether he really did want to go through with them. He may have decided he didn’t like the watch when he tried it and thought Dubai was too dodgy at the moment. He could then have backed out of either/both.

Shove the watch up his arse, find someone else to go on holiday with and If you decide to stay with the ungrateful sod never, ever do anything for him again. After all the effort you have gone to to get this reaction I would be so hurt and feel so unappreciated. I am so sorry OP.

This ^

He gets to play Billy Big Bollocks at the jewellers when HIS wallet is on the counter. Is this kind of behaviour out of character? It has overtones of narcissism.