Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disturbing inappropriate text before first date…

337 replies

messyhairdontcare25 · Yesterday 22:03

Hi everyone

i just wanted to share a disturbing text I’ve received from a guy.

The date was planned for this Friday and I received the below by text out of nowhere…no previous sexual talk, just planning the date. Totally icked out and disturbed. Urgh!

Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

OP posts:
whenchangingnames · Yesterday 22:39

Oh jeez, the ick is there!

Needmorelego · Yesterday 22:40

@ThatCyanCat I haven't heard the word "dweeb" in years 😁
Although I wonder if your meaning of the word is the same as mine?
(in my world it means "nerd")

DontTeaseMyDog · Yesterday 22:41

OneFunGreyFish · Yesterday 22:37

It is clearly a dom check. Like have you never engaged in sexting nor heard of this?

Show quote history

Yeah course I have, I've been actively dating for the past 2 years.

I literally would have read that different though. But I am also alot more open with sex talk so it wouldn't put me off anyway. Nice to know what your getting into. I just wouldn't see this comment as it, if they haven't engaged in nothing directly before.

Original poster
messyhairdontcare25 · Yesterday 22:42

OneFunGreyFish · Yesterday 22:34

It's a dom thing, it's so incredibly common now. I unwittingly posted a photo asking for advice on a dress on Reddit and got about 200 messages unprompted mainly from guys with a dom kink. I had no idea it was a thing but I think it is.

I agree - he’s putting out the feelers to see if i’m submissive - err no! 😂 Bye!

To everyone advising maybe it was sent in error, I updated this post and said he confirmed the message was for me. Trust me, that’s why I asked was it for me with a laughing emoji.

Also, everyone saying I shouldn’t be disturbed. Well, I wss and I have the right to be. I don’t want to be on a date with a controlling strange man who I haven’t even had a first date with him yet!

OP posts:
Original poster
messyhairdontcare25 · Yesterday 22:44

Whatacoincidence · Yesterday 22:23

Sigh, I get this a lot in trying to navigate online dating. I even told one that he didn't need to keep making sexual comments as we started talking 2 days prior. He followed up with a comment about my boobs. He hadn't even seen my boobs! I blocked him when he started going on about how his bed might be a better place for our 1st kiss rather than a coffee shop. 🤢

I think they feel like they need to keep giving reminders in case we forget they have 'needs'.

Knock this one back, OP. Someone who isn't a desperate little toad is out there.

I’m certainly not a desperate toad. Next! Eww just eww 😷

OP posts:
winter8090 · Yesterday 22:44

I didnt read anything sexual. Or disturbing.
Your sense of humours may not be aligned though.

BauhausOfEliott · Yesterday 22:45

I’d take that as mildly flirtatious, not ‘disturbing’. It’s not explicit and it’s hardly Kink Central, is it?

Obviously if you’re not comfortable with it then don’t date him, but it’s not even overtly sexual, it’s just just flirty. Of course you don’t have to be OK with it and you’re completely entitled to block him and find it a turn-off, absolutely. YANBU to think “OK, not for me, I’ll cancel”. But I can’t really see why it’s ’disturbing’. That seems quite an extreme response to low level cheeky flirting to me.

ShieldMaiden8 · Yesterday 22:46

I think he was sending it to another woman, sent it to you by mistake, didn’t want you to know he was chatting to someone else so said yes.

MauriceTheMussel · Yesterday 22:47

I don’t find it disturbing, just ick.

I read it solely as flirty pervy but not a dom kink because I 100% imagine this guy sat on his sofa with a baked bean juice stain halfway down his top thinking he’s giving it the big I Am, but also scheduling to watch the EastEnders omnibus at the weekend. It’s always a beta kind of person that sends this kind of crap as if we can’t see right through it

ThatCyanCat · Yesterday 22:49

Needmorelego · Yesterday 22:40

@ThatCyanCat I haven't heard the word "dweeb" in years 😁
Although I wonder if your meaning of the word is the same as mine?
(in my world it means "nerd")

Edited

Not exactly, but close enough. Basically, could OP see this guy as strong and masterful in the right context, or are we talking Fifty Shades of LeFou?

Strongopiniononaboutprettymucheverything · Yesterday 22:51

messyhairdontcare25 · Yesterday 22:24

Well, I do find it very disturbing that he’d think I’d be up for a conversation like that after only been texting for a day or two with no sexual chat whatsoever - creepy as hell!

Show quote history

I think I'd stay in and do something more enjoyable on Friday - like cleaning out the cupboard under the sink - rather than go out with him ......

PyongyangKipperbang · Yesterday 22:54

winter8090 · Yesterday 22:44

I didnt read anything sexual. Or disturbing.
Your sense of humours may not be aligned though.

Then you are very naive, and I hope you never have reason not to be!

xOlive · Yesterday 22:54

The fact he’s confirmed it was for you is creepy as shit.
Intervene in your behaviour? “Sorry, I didn’t know I was 3 years-old and dating my parents…” 😂 the fuck?
Block him.

PyongyangKipperbang · Yesterday 22:56

ShieldMaiden8 · Yesterday 22:46

I think he was sending it to another woman, sent it to you by mistake, didn’t want you to know he was chatting to someone else so said yes.

Could also be this, and he got his message threads mixed up.

Whatever.....NOPE

TreesAtSea · Yesterday 22:57

ShieldMaiden8 · Yesterday 22:46

I think he was sending it to another woman, sent it to you by mistake, didn’t want you to know he was chatting to someone else so said yes.

Yes, that's a distinct possibility.

TooHotToBoogie · Yesterday 22:58

@messyhairdontcare25 @all
He was implying that you were at home mastubating, and did you want him to 'intervene'
That's how I see it

IdaGlossop · Yesterday 22:58

Flirtatious too early but I do find the message amusing. As OP finds the message disturbing, she must cancel the date.

TreesAtSea · Yesterday 22:59

TooHotToBoogie · Yesterday 22:58

@messyhairdontcare25 @all
He was implying that you were at home mastubating, and did you want him to 'intervene'
That's how I see it

Yep

BigAnne · Yesterday 22:59

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · Yesterday 22:19

He is being Pervy and turning to initiate sexy chat. How are you all missing that!

He's asking if she's masturbating.

StarDolphins · Yesterday 22:59

What is it with all these pervy and inappropriate guys🤮

Gowlett · Yesterday 23:00

I think he was trying to initiate sex talk.

Ahead of the date, to set the scene…

Viviennemary · Yesterday 23:00

Reply - go and try your luck somewhere else. I agree he's being sexual. Yuck.

Pistachiocake · Yesterday 23:03

TheChosenTwo · Yesterday 22:08

Huh? I would presume that’s gone to the wrong person, there’s no context to it at all!
just message back, sorry don’t think this was meant for me!
can’t see anything disturbing in it?

Agree, sometimes workmates send texts like this when they're complaining about stupid things/meetings they're fed up with.

Mls1984btc · Yesterday 23:07

without context, it always amazes me how some people find this type of comment sexually stimulating.

the cynical me thinks that the message was meant for someone he was sexting with, sent to you by mistake and had to falsely claimed it was for you. if so, you had a divine intervention there OP.

drop him stat!

TooHotToBoogie · Yesterday 23:08

Pistachiocake · Yesterday 23:03

Agree, sometimes workmates send texts like this when they're complaining about stupid things/meetings they're fed up with.

Show quote history

You are very naive