Disturbing inappropriate text before first date…

[messyhairdontcare25]

Hi everyone

i just wanted to share a disturbing text I’ve received from a guy.

The date was planned for this Friday and I received the below by text out of nowhere…no previous sexual talk, just planning the date. Totally icked out and disturbed. Urgh!

Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

@Greenvalehert AI would use correct spelling and not write "checkin". I think as well even if you use AI you'd surely read over a short message like that and realise how it comes across?

Well swerved OP. Just wanted to say there are some nice, non creepy single guys out there.

BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW LIKE ACTUALLY KNOW IT IS SEXUAL?

15 pages over this. Christ!

BECAUSE WE WEREN'T BORN YESTERDAY, EVEN IF IT WAS AFTER WE LEARNED HOW TO TURN THE CAPS LOCK OFF

I’d just act bemused and make him explain. 🤷‍♀️

So, I hope he doesnt latch onto you at parkrun.

Three thoughts... he is sexting before even meeting you - is that the kind of thing you're after, or are you aiming to find something serious? Second thought... message back and say "define 'behaving'..." and see what he comes back with. His response should reveal whether you want to meet up with this guy or not

I skipped it this week - went to a spa instead 😂

My thoughts exactly!:

I'm shocked by some of the responses telling OP off for the emoji. She was clearly trying to mitigate any aggressive fallout by responding in a way the man might see as negative and causing more problems, OR it not being for her and her potentially ruining a date due to miscommunication.

It's very easy to judge and maybe you wouldn't have done the same, but many women still act this way virtually as well as in person to protect themselves. In this case the man knows where she does her park runs!

This is absolutely not a reflection on OP or saying she's engaging or leading him on!

Possibly message to a child?

Since he confirmed it was for you it sounds as though he's already granting himself some sort of exclusivity 'rights' regarding you/your activities before you've even met! I'd call it off.

It was on purpose. Because I was shouting as everyone seems to have gone batshit crazy over a text which I really don’t think is saying half as much as mumsnet thinks it is. I also wasn’t born yesterday but the text makes no sense and I truly believe OP and many of you have jumped to some super wild assumptions.

I think people on here who are saying myself and others are overacting, are lucky enough to have not had an experience like this, so can’t imagine this kind of thing goes on…but it does! There are some strange men out there…

I’m shocked too - it’s bizarre. I say again… I laughed because I thought the text might have been for his daughter and he was checking on her. That’s how much I didn’t believe he’d send such a message. This message came out of nowhere remember. Nothing wrong with a laughing emoji. Why on earth would I want to lead him on?

Sorry to appear rude but both myself and DH interpreted this as , ‘Are you masterbating alone or do you want me to do it for you?’ Totally perverted, keep well away from him.

My first instinct was your thoughts exactly, but then I thought…maybe not - it’s too bizarre that he’d suddenly put this…especially in the context of our conversation and date arranging that had gone on just before that day. My gut instinct was what you said obviously.

Lesson is that men can be creepy even if they seem all innocent and nice originally. Just disappointing more than anything and baffled that some men think this kind of message would get them anywhere. Lucky escape!

This attempt at creating a framework for BDSM receives a 0 out of 10. I'm wholly sure it wasn't, just sounded like a clumsy fool...
It's actually very funny.

1. I realised you were shouting on purpose. I was making fun of the shouting.

2. I repeat the point made by the person you were shouting at: you don't know what the text means, but you insist that everyone who does is batshit crazy and wrong, which is... not a basis for you to start shouting at people with righteous indignation.

There does seem to be a pattern here of you failing to read between the lines. Do you take everything completely at face value or entirely literally?

The text makes sense to people who can understand it, and he was fishing for OP to understand it and respond positively to it. As it's a water test, he kept it a bit vague so if someone like you had received it, he could get out of it by saying he was just being silly, and you'd remain totally oblivious, as you still are even after 16 pages of people telling you what it means. None so blind and all that.

It's fine that you didn't clock it, but stop bloody telling - shouting at - everyone who did that they're wrong and insane. Women are not insane for recognising a clumsy and unwelcome come on.

Unless I missed it you didn’t respond to the posts asking you what you thought it could mean. Usually when people say they think people are misunderstanding they have another interpretation.

I know that a few people have said the message could be more innocent than it seems … but could you imagine sending the same message to a man you were about to go on a first date with? That bit before you know each other well is the time when you scan the messages you send for possible weirdness / creepiness. Because it really isn’t okay to creep someone out.

I agree! I’m shocked at how naive some of the people posting here are. I thought that as a collective, women can generally spot a rank perv from a one liner like this!

Some of them are naive, some of them know but are trying to put the women who clock it in the wrong, for reasons we can only guess at. There's currently a guy on another thread trying to pressure women into remaining in relationships where a grown man falls in drunk in the small hours, asks for sex and when refused, jizzes on the sofa and falls asleep there. Stuff about how nobody's perfect and you don't want to be single now, do you?

I just can't with the people who admit they don't understand the text and yet somehow know that everyone is wrong about it, to the point where they're actually crazy and need to be shouted at.

Total red flag for me. Some gys always try to move to sexualised talk and it's a block from me