Disturbing inappropriate text before first date…

[messyhairdontcare25]

Hi everyone

i just wanted to share a disturbing text I’ve received from a guy.

The date was planned for this Friday and I received the below by text out of nowhere…no previous sexual talk, just planning the date. Totally icked out and disturbed. Urgh!

Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

At least you know how he sees the date and what he is after. If you are looking for something more serious and not just a few weeks of sexual activity then don't bother meeting with him. Tbh I wouldn't have sent a laughing emoji as it is ambivalent and he might interpret it as you being open to messages like this, which you clearly are not. I would have left it unanswered for a day or two to send a clearer message back.

Did you say anything to suggest you were into this kind of thing OP? I'm baffled why else he would do it.

People who are actually into BDSM make sure that the other person is also into it and consents to be part of this sort of chat. This guy just wants to make sure that the OP will do “sexy talk” - but it’s much too early for that. Involving someone in dom / sub stuff when you have no idea if they like that is considered very poor.

I know..

Eww thats even worse!

I am astonished at the naivety of so many on this thread. It's clear immediately what he's talking about. No wonder so many get taken in on these 'dating' sites. The red flag is screaming in this instance.

Not all men are wholesome and genuine, some are disgusting and sleazy, just wanting sex with any takers. Educate yourself about the real world and what goes on before you get into a tricky situation.

Exactly, and it makes me queasy.

Well I just think if they’re looking to engage in sexting before they’ve ever even met you , it’s not a relationship they’re hoping to find .

I have said what I thought it could mean but it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense either way.

If I was out out and got that message I'd assume by "behaving" they meant not dancing on tables or singing along too loudly or downing enough shots to make me vom or it's just a joke because I personally hate breaking the rules and was a proper geek and goody two shoes growing up.

If I was home and watching TV and got the message I'd be more confused and would express as much in my reply. Like, is it a joke because I'm having a boring not-at-all-wild night in, or is it a reference to having a take away or eating too much chocolate being naughty.

If he's trying to be sexual, he's missing the mark and being too opaque. If he's trying to be clever with his words, he needs to do better.

i mean obviously ask if he sent it to the right person and if he says yes then maybe tell him ur not comfortable with that or cancel the date altogether tbh

OP has already stated he said he intended it to the right person. I'm 99% sure it was sexual in nature which a lot of guys are into. If it's not for her that's fine. They can just go their separate ways. No harm done.

100% he sent it to the wrong person then tried to style it out, which was never going to work given the context. Fair enough to sack him off OP.

Putting aside the fact he’s clearly sleeping with (or further along the path to sleeping with) other people, the message in context, to a consensual partner, isn’t ’disgusting, pervy, weird’ as stated upthread. If I’d received that tone of message from a certain partner in years gone by it would have been a very good day indeed!

I think the park run pervert hit on you.