Disturbing inappropriate text before first date…

[messyhairdontcare25]

Hi everyone

i just wanted to share a disturbing text I’ve received from a guy.

The date was planned for this Friday and I received the below by text out of nowhere…no previous sexual talk, just planning the date. Totally icked out and disturbed. Urgh!

Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

Bit*hNet at its finest as usual!😉🙄

What a creep he is ...ughh whats wrong with these men just letches.
Glad you blocked him x

“Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?” is exactly the sort of thing I text my 11 year old when I’m in a work meeting downstairs (wfh) and can hear shouting from the bedroom she shares with her sister.

Omg, this had me howling 🤣🤣🤣

"I dont want to be a part of your sex festival"

Ive had messages like this before, and 9/10 they pushed their luck to see if they could turn it sexual or if I would respond in that way.
He can easily say it was "innocent banter" because he hasn't quite crossed THAT line-but IMO, he is clearly fishing to see how u would respond.
Im v open minded, but this would give me the ick too as it sounds creepy!

He has gotten confused as to which woman he was texting and sent it to you by mistake. Simple and obvious. Note you have now got rid, well done OP.

I’m sure you’re right , horrible 😪

Having been on a few dating websites a few years ago before I met my lovely man (whom I'm marrying next week!)!I had a few creepy responses like this. They message lots of women the same sort of thing. These men aren't looking for love, they just want to get their end away. One bloke even spiked my friend's drink sadly. Luckily this comment rang massive alarm bells and you've had a lucky escape. That's hardly a gentlemanly comment to make. Run for the hills & block him ! Good luck & keep safe! You will know once you find the one.

I thought his text was disrespectful and demeaning, showing no interest in you as a person, apart from being someone to have sex with, really off hand and rude. It would have thrown me off balance too, love mums net and all the wise woman on it who supported your concerned gut reaction to this inappropriate message.

How did he react when you cancelled the date OP?

Sorry I missed the post where you said you cancelled and then blocked him

Well, at first I thought it was a check in with his 10 year old daughter, which is why I said is this for me with a laughing emoji. Then when he said yes, I was like EWW!

Really?

Ewwww, Id make an excuse and stay home with a big bar of chocolate!!

Nope, dump him

I'm on the BDSM scene, so I think I know what I'm talking about.

That text was meant for another woman he was dating but made out it was for you.

Which is why it's giving D/s vibes. Because it's assuming a paternalistic in-charge attitude towards OP.

I don't believe it was intended for anyone else, as he & OP were setting up a date so the "quick check in" part tracks with that.

In the context of setting up a date with OP, he was definitely testing the waters. Not so much that he didn't have plausible deniability, but enough to be recognised.

But you've said that's not how you behave on the BDSM scene...

I'm into kink, and I'd put him in the category of "fake dom" or just a desperate one at that. And even though I'm on the kink scene, I cancel dates if guys get like this before you've got to know them and had proper chats about it (there's a saying amongst my friends that you have to earn the right to have those conversations). It's possible as a PP said that he was testing you to see if it's worth going out with you, which means he definitely would need to go anyway.

Exactly my point. He's trying to find out if OP's into BDSM, but he doesn't know what he's doing. He needs to do some reading or join some online groups to find out how to ask politely, without freaking people out. Good Doms can tell by body language.

But how do you know that's what he's doing at all? And not texting someone else about something completely different and trying to cover up that he's texting 2 women?

Agreed, I don't like sadistic or masochistic people so definitely wouldn't want to date that type!

I'm saying that's how I'd read it if it were sent to me. Sending "Are you behaving yourself" to a grown woman looks very BDSM to me. So even if it was meant for another woman, it's still BDSM. Either it was meant for OP, in which case, ew, or it was meant for another woman, in which case, ew.

As someone who used dating apps after a long relationship, I'm willing to bet this was a ChatGPT suggested message. Some of the recommendations it provides for chatting to people are very similar to this - it describes them as "cheeky", "flirty", "building excitement" when they just sound ridiculous. If any of his other replies have seemed a little fomal, I think he's using ChatGPT to help with messages