There We Are Then - part 2

[mummy917]

Follow on from previous

I really hope he catches it and it ruins his week “off”.

it’s a choose your battles day ☹️ I hope you feel better soon. Just make a note of the earlier drop off for future reference. Another justification of the title TWAT. Good to know you have your parents support if you need it

Oh he really is a piece of work @mummy917

I absolutely would be logging that and not answering the door before 10am in future.

hope you feel better soon x

He is awful - log it all

He knew you weren't really going into work?

I hope that you're feeling better soon, @mummy917, and that you can have a peaceful day (as much as possible) today.

In all honesty, though, you shouldn't have answered the door at 7.40. You knew it would be him. If he then took you to task all you needed to do was to say that you'd had a really bad night and that you were asleep - but that you'd set your alarm for 9.45 to be ready for him.

The fact that a) he did this and b) expressed no sympathy for you tells you that he won't hesitate to behave like this on all occasions now.

Because I was at home, not at work like I had planned, he said “I knew you weren’t actually going to work.” I had every intention of going to collect my new uniform until I started with this bug too.

I could hear the kids knocking on the door too and how excited they were to be home so I couldn’t ignore it. I don’t have the energy today to even mention it to him that he should’ve been here at 10.

Good.
Seriously, he thinks he has the upper hand. He’ll try that again and this time, you won’t be there because guess what? Yes you WILL be at work.

He thinks you’re insisting on the 10.00 am just to spite him.
Hell learn this isn’t the case. The hard way. There we are then…..

So he’s had his introductory flex period. It’s time for a reset after your holiday and he needs at that point to stick to the agreement or go to mediation and renegotiate. Hope you’re better soon and have a lovely holiday.

I think as you are so poorly, it’s best for you to park this early drop off today, at least for now. Your peace at the moment is worth more than taking him to task over it.

The best thing is that you now have over a week until you have to see him or even communicate with him again. You have your kids with you for a solid week which will be lovely and I expect they are thrilled to get extra time with you.

I told him I’d been up with the same bug all night, but he said nothing to that.
He experienced how it wiped out his children but he’s comfortable leaving them in your care when you’re similarly debilitated. He could have amended his plans and put them before himself. Your 9 year old will be quietly sussing this bullish selfishness man.

Said bye to the kids and went on his way. They’ll not see him now for over a week.
Let’s hope he’s spending a lot of time speaking on the big white telephone.

Have an easy day and a speedy recovery OP.

He's pathetic and horrible. Sorry OP, but just log it all and bide your time.

I agree to bide your time, for someone who is off living his new shiny life that he wanted, he seems to be a very angry man. I'm sure he's already realising the grass isn't greener.

Of course your argument at mediation won't be he's not sticking to the times agreed as such, it will be that he is distressing the children bringing them back at a time unagreed and allowing them to think you have forgotten etc. This is abusive not just to you but particularly to the children, the mediators in my experience were less concerned about impact on me, and only concerned about impact on the children. You therefore are unable to go about your life in case he does bring them back - it's simple control. He's lost control of you now and doesn't like it.

You're doing amazingly well, wishing you a speedy recovery.

He’s a pathetic specimen.

When you are feeling better, I would email him along the lines of …

I must remind you of our agreement regarding pick up / drop of children. We agreed that handover on Fridays would be at 10am. Yet again you tried to ignore this, turning up today at 7.40am. This is Xth time since the formal handover arrangements began that you have sought to ignore them. In future, please respect the agreement we made.

I agree with this, I just don’t get where he’s getting as this sudden anger from or why. He should be off living his best life, not trying to constantly point score with you. I also don’t think someone who is genuinely happy with their life would be carrying around so much anger. To me this screens someone who realises they’ve messed up massively but isn’t emotionally mature enough to deal with the fact this is all of their own making.

Good thing all interactions are noted on here. Bit shabby to take advantage of your being unwell to drop off early.

Hope the sickness bug is over quickly xx

It would take a will of iron OP to not open the door when you can hear your kids outside. I'd just keep note and bide your time with it.

Hope you feel better soon.

Just keep a note of it for if you go to mediation. I encouraged my daughter to keep an online diary to which she can add screen shots to.

So you have an accurate dossier to hand over.

Do this, get it in writing

Does he have some sort of hidden camera so he knows you've not gone out today? He either has wee spies or he doesn't care a jot about his children, using them to tug your heartstrings.
It's very clear that he's only doing 50/50 to avoid paying maintenance but the harsh reality is that you've had to drop your core hours because of his lack of commitment to being married.
Definitely log via WhatsApp so he has it in writing that it's the sickness bug and not you being awkward etc etc.
Horrible specimen of a man. You are well rid!

what a twat-the problem is with mediation its not legally binding he can agree to everything then just not do it-i assume you wouldnt advance to court so you really would be just wasting your money

my dsis ex agreed to everything but didnt follow through it was a waste of time

Obviously I understand the 10am drop off time is what you both agreed, but is there a reason why this time was chosen and is there a reason why he has such an issue with it (other than There We Are Then)?

At some point before the next Friday drop off, text to say although when he turned up 2 hours early you were home due to sickness, in general you won’t be.

We agreed 10am because he wanted to take our eldest to school and our eldest daughter too, come September. Plus it meant if I did a Thursday night shift, I’d have time to finish my shift and get home for then too.

it will be that he is distressing the children bringing them back at a time unagreed and allowing them to think you have forgotten etc.

Absolutely this, from @Freeyourmind
It's not (only) about the adults' inconvenience but about the kids being lied to or misled.