There We Are Then - part 2

[mummy917]

Follow on from previous

Numerous times and it is another level of difficult when all your body is telling you is to rest!

So if he says he can’t have them next week just reiterate that he needs to have them or arrange childcare as it’s his days and you are working. I’m sure he won’t be unwell enough for you to consider it an emergency. Not unless he really needs you to call him an ambulance????

Let’s be honest, he’s done more parenting in the last couple of weeks than he’s probably done over the last year. It’s a shock to the system, the poor little lamb probably does need a break to recuperate and recover.

If he does try and wriggle out of Wednesday and Thursday through sickness, unless he’s dying just tell him to get on with it and he’ll have to cope with having the kids at the same time too.

If he is "ill" on Wed/Thur then it will be up to him to source alternative childcare, not you. That's the whole point of 50:50 parenting.

Hi op I hope he’s not dropping the kids off too early to pick up his colleague because in my eyes his kids are more important than his colleague needing a lift. If he does conveniently get sick next week just say oh I’m at work so you still need to have them it’s just something all parents have to do when kids get sick we crack on. We don’t swap days because it’s inconvenient for us that ship sailed when first born arrived. Also he makes his plans that he can’t seem to change to have extra time before they go away seems very suspicious to me. What can be more important than them? Also going forward I think you need to say you can’t change the drop off and picks to suit you I have a life too. Your colleague should find their own way to work you cannot make your problem my problem.

He does need to realise he’s not free to make arrangements which depend on him dropping the kids off early unless you have previously agreed to it. And that does not mean that he’s simply told you what he intends to do! Maybe you will need to pop to Tesco again 😉

Personally I would say no to dropping off the kids early. I’d say unless it is an emergency you both need to stick to your agreed times. It is early days and you are still setting precedents. Then I’d make sure I was out until drop off time.If he makes a commitment, he needs to learn to work his parental responsibilities around it. If you always refuse eventually he will stop assuming.

Didn’t he make some excuse last week or the week before about needing to drop the kids off early? This could become a habit unless you stamp on it now. His colleague needing a lift to work is not your problem.

All he is doing is showing himself to be the person and parent he’s hidden for so long. He has no interest in spending any extra time with the kids than what he needs to. It’s sad that it’s not a want of his. I am going to tell him that we agreed to 10am on a Friday and if this needs to change as he continues to go against the agreement and “book things in first thing on those Friday mornings”, then mediation will be the next step.

And once again just don’t be in for the early time - he knows drop off is at 10am

Hi op I hope he’s not dropping the kids off too early to pick up his colleague because in my eyes his kids are more important than his colleague needing a lift

Yes, if he is scheduled to have the children then that should be his plan. Unfortunately he is not available to offer his colleague a lift

Yes- it’s a shame, but the give and take over arrangements that you would hope for just isn’t going to work with someone like him. If you ever wonder whether to relent and (eg) take them for him if he claims illness, just remember how you were nice enough to buy mattresses for his house and he promised to repay you, then turned around and just told you he wouldn’t, and gloated about the fact that you “couldn’t do anything to make him”. That’s who he’s chosen to be. That’s what you’ll get whenever you think you’re being nice- he’ll see it as weakness and will never ever return the favour, whatever the favour is.

I would also say no to dropping the kids off early unless previously agreed and I'd only agree occasionally in exceptional circumstances. If he's made plans without consulting you first then tough, he will have to change them. I'd start with Monday, his colleagues transport woes do not trump your agreement. I suspect he can't be arsed with the school run, make sure you are out of the house until 10am and do not justify your time to him.

As a precaution, be out of the house on Friday morning until 9.55am in case he didn't learn his lesson last time.

It does sound very much as though he has not learned anything yet. He still thinks he is entitled to drop his children off whenever it suits him- looking after them is still YOUR job. Clearly last time was your mistake as you must not have understood he had said he would be there at 7. Incompetent wife again 🙈🙈

hows he taking his colleauge to work if his car is broken?

Good for you op he still thinks he’s the boss of you. I would be saying we are no longer together and your colleague needing a lift should not affect me or our kids you don’t get to dictate to me anymore. Divorcing remember.

Op you also have the patience of a saint I would be so annoyed that he still tells you what is happening without any consideration for you.

I would also love to know how he’s taking himself and his colleague to work in a broken car, as well as dropping the kids back off 🤣

Maybe he’s Fred Flintstone’d it and using foot power 😂

Something like this 😂

If he is conveniently sick on Wednesday, on your first day back, please tell me you’ll tell him to handle it. It’s his half of the week so he has to get in with it.

Dont let him put a spinner in the works re you workingM
Being a 50/50 father Akso means dealing with the dcs when you’re ill yourself. He wouldn’t take time off or have the dcs on your time if you were the one who is ill.

This is all because he doesn’t want to pay you any money.

I think you should push for mediation as soon as possible. You have to do it unless you have an exemption and you can agree a parenting app/text conversations/his early return of the children etc. (I don’t understand why he agreed to a 10am drop off if he wants to drop them at 7am.)

It might make everything a lot easier in the long run.

Not saying he would necessarily, but some would - if you step in to help out with lifts or anything else during "his" time, it could be turned on you in future - you "took over" from him, interfered, disrespected agreed times, etc etc. He needs to find his own solution to such problems.
Did he ask you to take DS to cricket, or did you offer?
Sorry your DS is ill and hope he and all feel a lot better soon. In the meantime, have a lovely peaceful day.

i see the car is indeed magically fixed. I’d push back. ‘Your colleague will understand you are in your first week of proper contact with your 4 children and can’t change the schedule and get your kids all up earlier. Great your car is fixed, see you at <agreed time>.
and plans for Wednesday when he says he’s sick.
’I know, it was awful all those times I was home sick and parenting while you went to work like usual. I know from experience that you’ll get through.’