There We Are Then - part 2

[mummy917]

Follow on from previous

Focus on that sense of peace you are slowly finding @mummy917

You are doing so well

Bullshit. Bet this car problem will go away to get to tattoos and the gym and mysterious other appointments

I'm calling bullshit on his car being broken! He's full of it, if he asks, don't start running round in your car for him. If the kids need to go somewhere remind him there are things called taxi's.

I’m hesitant to make light of your situation, but I’ve often thought being separated is the ideal way to have kids. Obviously not when your co parent is a nasty piece of work and you are worried about your DC.
My friends whose husbands were decent dads but inclined to a bit lazy and no longer likeable, ended up in very good routines. The dads were reasonably reliable in an emergency, you no longer had to clean up after them as well as yourself and the DC. And regular scheduled time out. They really enjoyed their time with their DC, and really enjoyed their time off without them.

Obviously that’s a way down the road yet.

And that was before I heard about the broken down car.

His Mum can help him out then, please don't rescue him out of this. He was the one who insisted on having the children, remember.

Well as the oldest now won’t be going to cricket you won’t need to collect him and he won’t need his car as he won’t be taking them out whilst they are sick . I’m not quite sure why he told you about the car as it’s got nothing to do with you .

I reckon he's had some legal advice and discovered what he would be liable to pay in child support if he were to renege on this 50/50 arrangement. Which is why you haven't had him trying to drop them back off yet.

Stay strong and don't agree to collect the kids early (unless the children have asked you to) or run around doing his chores. Supermarkets and takeaways have delivery services he can use. Or he can ask for support from all the 'people' who were on his side when he was telling them how awful you were! You know, the ones who helped him to move out 😉
Let him feel the pain a bit. If he contacts you to whinge , remember to use the stock phrases 'oh no, hope everything gets sorted soon' or 'I'm sure you'll work it out'.

Bollocks had his car broken down - he just didn’t want to wrangle all four of them to get them to cricket & then entertain the other three whilst your son plays in the match.

Exactly this!! And if it had been the other way round there’s no way he would have done the cricket stint for you.

I won’t be doing any running about for him, it’s no longer my business what has or hasn’t happened to his car and I just didn’t acknowledge he’d even mentioned his car was broken.

His mum has gone on holiday today for 2 weeks so he’s had to use holidays for his Wednesday and Thursday next week. Luckily I have them for the whole of the following week as I am taking them on holiday, so I don’t really need to rely on him much.

Who knows if his car has really broken down or not? But if it has it is out of his control which is completely different from the laziness and selfishness of not buying potties or Calpol. Whilst I don't think @mummy917 should necessarily jump to it every time something unforseen happens to her ex I would caution against flat out refusal to help on the basis he might be lying. He will have genuine emergencies as will she and if they can both be reasonable from.the start it makes life a lot easier. Only OP will be able to tell over time if he is genuine and also showing willingness to reciprocate and be reasonable in an emergency. If he isn't then she will need to withdraw goodwill but I think it should be extended initially. Modelling the way you want your ex to behave includes this kind of behaviour in addition to providing all the material things at your own house that the children need. It's also much better for the kids to see their parents display basic regard for each other if at all possible.

He’s told me his car was broken and then a few texts later he has said he will be dropping off the kids early on Monday morning as he needs to pick his colleague up to take him into work. Not sure how “broken” the car must be if he’s still able to drive it.

Hands up who thinks this period of full on parenting with sickness bug will be the making of STBXH?

Anyone?

If he starts reneging down the line do make sure he pays the appropriate child maintenance, @mummy917 , even via the CMA if he drags his heels.

I really hope you’re right! I want to avoid the child maintenance route as much as possible but primarily want him to step up and be the dad the kids deserve.

@mummy917 so let me get this straight, his car is too broken to take your son to cricket on Sunday, however it’s drive-able enough for him to use on Monday morning to bring the kids back and pick up his colleague?

Yep. Make it make sense. I can’t even bring myself to say anything to him about it.

I suppose at least this has established he’s a rubbish liar 😂.

I’m really sorry your son is poorly now, let’s hope your youngest son escapes it. Unfortunately I suspect Twattoo will come down with it on Tuesday evening…..

I’m hoping it avoids my youngest son but will just have to wait and see. Yes I had that same feeling. I also offered him extra time with the kids next Friday during these messages as after that he won’t see them for over a week as I’m taking them on holiday and he said he couldn’t, he already has plans. There are no words.

Of course he does… he’s got the same week off as you doesn’t he (whilst the kids are on holiday)? What’s the betting he’s booked himself a trip away somewhere.

Oooh and I have to ask, has he managed to fit in a haircut yet or is he still waiting? 😂

How early is early on Monday I’d ask. After all, you might not be home.

Hope his mum has a lovely holiday after her hard work this week. Perhaps she might come to a realisation whilst she’s there that she’s not his skivvy.

At the moment, I’m enjoying the peace I feel like I am slowly finding.

Excellent news. So many women find this inner peace once they decide their "partner" is no longer worth their time or their energy. Unless the partner is really a supportive 50%-er then us women will continue to shout out LTB. That peace is priceless

Edit
I know he left, but we did, and still do, say don't be persuaded to go back, hence the lbt. But you are past that fortunately. Well done OP, I have great admiration for how you are coping.

Yes he needs that week off “for himself” don’t you know? 🤣 I saw a post on TikTok last night and honestly the messages were so similar to what my ex proposed, about needing time to himself etc even at the expense of less time with his kids. What is wrong with these men?!? Kids deserve better!

God knows if he’s managed to fit in a haircut. It didn’t look like it when I saw him Wednesday and he’s been at work then looking after poorly kids, so I’d doubt it.

I’m assuming it’ll be around half 7/8 ish before he takes the youngest ones to nursery as they all seem to be back to normal now. I do have distinct feeling that he’ll
manage work Monday and Tuesday and then will conveniently be poorly for Wednesday when I’m due back at work. Can foresee it already 🙄

Well surely that will be his problem? I’m sure you’ve looked after kids while ill yourself before now???