The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@empirebiscuits12 I felt suffocated just reading about that!

If it’s relief now it was never going to be. Should have done that way earlier with holiday homes. There was a time I thought it would grow but it got increasingly stifling and he was a PITA to get rid of. I tried to let him down gently but ended up blocking g him which I hate doing.

Any sign of date talk? Hope he’s va va vroom!

Thanks @CleanShirt and @duckingclueless

Teacake has replied but I don’t have the headspace to read it at the moment.

Im not surprised it’s exhausting reading about it 😂

No date talk yet with Mr Vroom although I haven’t really been engaging in chat with him as often as I might have been if all this with The Teacake wasn’t going on. I feel as though I’ve got palpitations, it’s so unsettling. I seem to keep getting myself entangled with very needy men and I’m wondering why?

I’m surprised how some of them are so needy. I think it’s simply because they haven’t done the work.

I was more wondering why I seem to keep getting myself involved with this type of man. Why am I attracting them? Maybe I need to do some work on myself.

You've done the right thing ending it with him - I need to follow your example with Mr 2nd Time!

If you don't want to read his messages, don't - can you delete it without reading it, then block? You've sent him a polite message ending your involvement - you really don't owe him any further engagement.......

There are a lot of these men around - it's hard to avoid them! If anything you should be proud of yourself for spotting it so early on in this instance, and putting strong boundaries in place! X

@empirebiscuits12 what lurchers said. It’s not you there’s just a lot of them out there!

Its them, not you. X

Do you think dating apps actually work?

I suppose because this is a dating thread we don’t get to hear the success stories?

Early days but I met Mr CleanShirt on Bumble. I know plenty of people that have met via the apps

I met my partner in the wild. I think that has more success.

I met my most recent ex on Tinder. Although we aren't together now, we had about 5 years together so I would class that as a success.

However, they do seem to have got "worse" since then. Or maybe it's because I am older.....

I am about to give Mr 2nd Time a hefty shove binwards..... Feel a bit bad about it as he is a nice enough guy, but I really just don't feel any inclination to pursue things with him.

And FWB2 has been rushed to hospital (an existing condition he has has suddenly deteriorated - all a bit scary) so I wouldn't be able to attend the proposed date tomorrow anyway, as I want to be available to visit him if appropriate health-wise.

So I may as well finish the whole thing with 2nd Time now, then block. I think I won't volunteer the information about finding his inability to plan a date frustrating - I'll say something general about dating style incomparability - then will share it if he asks......

@Ilovelurchers sorry about FWB2

@empirebiscuits12 I don't think you need to change. He sounds like an attention seeker.

I keep attracting man babies.

@Betsy95 peeps do come and tell us success stories but naturally they then don't post much as loved up!

I met my ex wife on the apps, were now long divorced, but it was good whilst it lasted.

I met my current man on Bumble in May last year and having a lush time 😊

Thank you - love this kind of story! Gives us all hope. ❤️❤️❤️

And this too, to be honest!

I have had so many LTRs now that I am not sure if I even imagine a love that lasts forever - I'd certainly settle for a very happy few years at this point. Even better if it ends amicably because you've gently grown apart! (I don't know if yours did......)

FWB2's phone is off and I am stressing. I don't know any of his friends well enough to have their numbers, so am not sure how long I leave it before messaging one of them on Facebook - I don't want to be a drama lama, or act like they should be focused on reassuring me when they are probably devoting their time and energy to looking after him!

I suppose this is when having girlfriend status would actually be helpful.

Though I was just saying to my mom, it has actually shown me I am not In Love with him. I am worried, yes, but like you would be for a friend (not even a best friend - when my best friend was hospitalised I was a wreck).

Actually, the only bloke I would be completely traumatised if I found out he was ill, is DD's dad, funnily enough. But I think a lot of that would be because of how upset DD would be.

FWB1 I'd be very upset, but also I weirdly think of him as quite indestructible. (Tapping on wood there!)

We did grow apart amicably, probably I withdrew a bit more tbh, for various reasons. The only time things weren't amicable was when the solicitors got involved. We no longer communicate, but I wish her well. Although I'm on odd app I'm not really looking, I enjoy my own company too much and freedom to do what I like when I like.

This is interesting. Quite a few men I think are on apps but not really up for a relationship or whatever they say in their profile they're there for?

Although I can only speak for myself, I would probably agree with you. I would love to find someone to share the rest of my life with, but I'm not an outgoing person, and would much rather get to know someone naturally either through work or hobbies and build a relationship over time.

It's probably not that deep and probably just because you are attractive and kind and said yes to him. I think there are a lot of these types of men on dating apps, so I don't think your are doing anything to attract it other than being willing to give someone a chance.

Thanks lovely, you’re probably right. It’s a minefield.