The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Ilovelurchers and @Nosdacariad I’m laughing so much at “date with satan” and “let it slide binwards” 😂😂

I would absolutely let this one slide! I can’t believe he sacked off your minigolf idea but still expects you to be doing the choosing. Executive function my arse. He managed to get himself to a first date and presumably through life every single day. And I say this as someone with diagnosed ADHD. If he doesn’t have strategies to get himself functioning without giving up from the get go and relying on others to hold his hand through life….then bye-bye. I hate when people use their ADHD as an excuse!

So Teacake sent me 3 messages in the space of an hour, without a reply from me. His last one asked if I still wanted to meet at lunchtime on Saturday. I’ve had quite a full on day at work and tomorrow will be the same (trying to meet deadlines before I finish for a week annual leave), and I just didn’t have it in me to potentially enter into something. So I just replied that yes still on for meeting but could we make it 4-5pm instead? He’s read it an hour ago but radio silence, nada. Now this is very unlike him as he has usually replied before I’ve had a chance to place my phone back on the table in front of me. I wonder if he’s got the hump? Or whether he senses I’m backing off?

Alternatively, maybe he's really controlling? I hope not but he's not covering himself in glory.

@empirebiscuits12 I do not have ADD/ADHD that I know of but it drives me BANANAS when people (who usually don't have a diagnosis) use it as an excuse.

Planes did it CONSTANTLY and eventually gave up because I gave him exactly the same reply every time about developing strategies and actually getting a diagnosis.

"slide gently binwards".... Marvellous!

Satan actually meets more of my dating criteria than a lot of the guys I have previously agreed to see, in fairness to him. Own place and job, for example......

If Teacake is having a little sulk, that will be very telling! Honestly, he sounds like bloody hard work! I get Satan wouldn't triple text. Probably wouldn't even double text.....

Neediness is such a massive turn off. And combined with petulant sulking and slight control vibes - I'm sorry but my vagina would be clamping permanently shut at this point, I think.....

@empirebiscuits12 Ugh, so low effort from him. Either bin him off or if you’re feeling very generous, reply and say your confused as you already did pick and activity and if he’d rather do something different then you’re open to suggestions 🤷‍♀️

If he's on OLD it would definitely be Tinder.

Own place and job 😂 🔥 I’m crying over here!!

Love this 😂

Brilliant! 🤣🤣

It’s now been 3 hours since I messaged Teacake. Quietest this guy has been since we started chatting 🤷🏼‍♀️

Seems very suspicious. You dare to suggest an amendment to his plan, suddenly he goes all quiet ....

There could be a valid reason I guess. But this is potentially concerning.

How do you feel about it?

The way I’m feeling at the moment I think I’ll be gutted if he messaged back 🙈

@empirebiscuits12 seems like you saved yourself a load of aggro there x

It's good when they reveal themselves early, I think. Thank God you didn't waste more or your time and energy on this exhausting weirdo.

@Nosdacariad and @Ilovelurchers he was SO promising as well 😔

So sorry. It is upsetting 💜

Sack off. If it’s possible to give a hint of the real reason it might help him on the future. I’m looking for someone more directive and have found another chat progressing who feels like a better fit for me? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have ADHD. I’d like to be told.

@duckingclueless I bet you have strategies for navigating life with ADHD.

I’m diagnosed and medicated. Strategies are great in theory but no easy to implement. What I am getting better at is recognising issues for what they are. I have historically over explained to partners. I’ve stopped that now. When I mentioned it to Mr Spanner he looked at me like I was mad for telling him as it’s so blindingly obvious 😂.

I woke up to 3 messages from Teacake this morning.

First one to tell me he’d been involved in an accident and explaining how it happened, treatment, etc. It was a really long message including a similar accident he’d had. Including his injuries from that time. I felt quite bad for him reading it but a little bit of me was thinking well, there’s no way he’ll be fit to meet up tomorrow.

2nd message was him saying that a later start time tomorrow is fine. And another message saying he was home from A&E.

I read them, put my phone down and got myself organised and walked the dog. Wanted to think things over and process the long messages along with everything else happening with him. Got back to my phone and there was another saying “Hey?”

Im feeling suffocated. I don’t think I can deal with the messaging back and forth about it today as I have a lot on with work. But I’m going to pull the plug, this no longer feels fun.

@Nosdacariad thank you x

I have another iron though, I’ll call him Mr Vroom. Chatting since Thursday night….totally forgot to mention him yesterday! Woke up to a fun and light message on the app from him.

Mr Vroom sounds promising!

@duckingclueless thanks for telling me that about strategies xxx

This is just too much - very suffocating. I think you are right to step away at this point. I mean, you can make that decision for any reason or none. And in this case I think it's quite an easy one - most of us would find that degree of messaging after a first date excessive.

I think it’s just very telling that my first reaction to reading about his accident was to feel relieved as surely our date would be cancelled tomorrow. Feel like such a bitch for that. Particularly because his long message described how he has such bad luck.

Ive messaged him to say im finding things very overwhelming with the constant messaging and long messages, especially when I have some stuff of my own going on at home (which he briefly knows about). And that I just want to take a step back from dating altogether so I can refocus on home.

Teeny white lie in there because I’m messaging Mr Vroom. But in all honesty I’m considering taking a break from everything after this experience. It started out fun and pleasant but I just feel suffocated and anxious, all over the space of 2 weeks.