Unemployed husband

[OctoberCarrot]

My husband was made unemployed nearly 6 months ago. He’s basically dossed around since then with a bare minimum of job hunting.

I sorted a mortgage holiday for three months to buy some time but he was always aware he just had to have a job by august 1st due to our financial commitments. Thats now nearly here, he’s no job and he’s looking at me like what’s my problem. We won’t be able to pay our mortgage school fees and utilities. We not over extended and I earn well but it’ll be practically impossible without his salary.

He doesn’t seem to get it. I’ve just lost the rag and he’s telling me to calm down.

Time for divorce?

Send him back to his mother.

I don't believe that if a woman who had agreed to provide a certain level of income got sacked from her job, everyone would say she had the right to be a SAHM and leave her partner to earn the extta.

Divorce this violent risk to your life, sell up, and start over.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/2264287-I-feel-sick-husband-ran-at-me-and-put-his-hand-around-my-throat He's a violent abuser.

Dont pull kids out of school ... give notice they are leaving next term (you will still have to pay next term.if you withdraw them).

Seems like it alright. Honestly I’m so angry I’m going to give myself a stroke

Seems like it alright. Honestly I’m so angry I’m going to give myself a stroke

Yep. Divorce his useless arse.

@SusanJJ What if she said she had changed her mind and wanted to look after the kids rather than work? I imagine that would be seen as more acceptable?
But in this instance, it doesn't sound like husband is stepping up re housework and childcare whilst he looks for employment.

School fees mean private school? This is where he needs to understand DC won't be able to attend much longer. Xx

Actually I think people would say she's bonkers to think she can stop bringing in a good salary without adjusting the family's outgoings. OP's husband might be depressed or ill, to be so indifferent to what his lack of income means.

Don't do this. He'll just go back to lying on the sofa scrolling his phone and picking his toes.
You need to stand over him and nag. Make it clear your home and your children's education are at risk until he gets off his arse and finds a job.
In fact his job now, 5 hours a day, every day, is to job hunt. You want him to be employed by the end of August or you will consider putting the house on the market and filing for divorce.
You have to make it clear you are not going to carry him and he'll be home living with his mum again pretty sharpish if he doesn't pull his finger out.

They’re teens so don’t need much childcare really.

He left you on holiday to come home and chill in peace?? What sort of man is he!? Drastic action required! No private school, no Netflix extras and a list of housekeeping jobs for him. You shouldn’t have to, but he’s behaving like a teenager and contributing nothing. He can do all the cooking too. Take care of yourself.

If you kick him out to his mum's do you think she might motivate him/shame him? At the very least he'll be out of your hair. If you are separated physically at least you'd have some peace and not the constant irritation of him just being there all the time. I am in the same position but can't send mine to his mum's as it would mean he wouldn't be under the MH team for his anxiety and depression ( not that they are doing much good anyway TBH). I sympathise with the fury. I feel much calmer now I have entirely disengaged but it's still crap. I'm going on holiday with my kids without him too. I can't wait. It's like a dead weight is lifted off us all when it's just the 3 of us.

What a useless man he is. Sorry you're dealing with this OP.

When he's talking about a payment plan for his mum, is he suggesting you pay her back?!

Cut back- sell his car that will keep you going for a while, and it will bring it home to him that it's a problem. Carry on selling his stuff until he gets a job.

No it wouldn't people always say on here a woman does not just get to decide by herself to be a SAHM, it has to be a mutual decision.

Besides which this is an entirely different situation. This man worked until a few months ago so the family's finances and decisions have been based on 2 salaries. You cant just decide oh we'll drop to one salary, when you have a mortgage and other financial commitments like school fees that depend upon that second income!!

Yes and did nothing. We have a list of little jobs that need to be done - some of which he created and he did nothing.

I was wfh yesterday and he did nothing with the children so they watched TV all day. Then microwaved a dinner to give them. YUCK. He is doing nothing well/right.

I am so fucking fed up carrying everything.

And yes I presume he expects me to start paying his mother off. Not a chance in hell.

OP I know you said before you didn’t want to divorce as you can’t afford everything solo, but your life would be so much better without him in it. I’ve not read your other threads, but if he’s tried to strangle you in the past, you’ve historically described him as useless, he’s making no effort to look for a job and is doing nothing at home, is expecting you to pay all the bills AND repay his mother….. you would be better off alone! You’re already paying for everything, and you’re having to deal with a useless husband on top. If he’s goes, you will save money - single person council tax discount, less energy usage as he won’t be home all day, etc. The kids sound old enough to decide where they want to live - if with you he will need to pay maintenance. He’s going to need to get himself a job to support himself at that point anyway!

I suspect you are trying to bide your time til the kids are out of private school if you are honest with yourself. I kind of don’t blame you. But I’m sure the kids would rather you were happy! And he sounds like he can be dangerous - don’t end up another statistic.

It sounds like he might have poor mental health. His drive has gone.

Would the school provide a bursary or partial do the kids can stay? Speak yo them. Or can your kids go to state school?

His work ethics are messing up your plans, so I get your anger, but you could cut your cloth differently couldn't you? So I suggest you try to be more flexible and also get him medical intervention.

How is he getting jobseekers? You have a second property, shares, kids in private school. How did you get away with that?

Surely if DWP are involved, he has to attend regular meetings with them and show he's applying in his journal thingy?

What is he saying the repayment plan should look like?!’n

Contribution-based JSA is based on your NI record and is not means tested.