Husband still in bed at 12.40 on first day of our family holiday.

[Rubyreindeer]

Am I being unreasonable. My husband and I, with our four year old are on holiday. Arrived late last night. My husband watched the England match which was midnight our time and finished at 3.30am. No problem with that at all. However, he then stayed up to watch the later match, came to bed at 6.45am and is still in bed at 12.40pm! I’m so cross. This is meant to be our family holiday. We are coming back from a week where he left, and are both meant to be making an effort, and he does this on our first day.

Am I being unreasonable and should expect him to make an effort to be up and with me and our son on the first day of our holiday.

They both work and she does all the housework.

Your story about how hard he works is made up. You have no idea who works harder.

If this is your ‘reconciliation’ holiday then he’s a bigger twat than I first thought.

Are you the husband?

He shouldn’t really have even watched the England game on a family holiday given how late it was on for

Did you miss the bit where the op said that he left her and his children for a week?

But he’s not spending time with his son?

He's the one starting an argument by choosing to watch the football over trying to fix his relationship.

These are not assumptions. Op said her husband slept through out the flight while she looked after the child. So this poster is most likely a man exaggerating with his ‘making memories’,

I commented earlier in the thread that I thought he was a prick @Rubyreindeerbut you said you were in a hotel room. Did you not speak to him after the England game to say it’s mad to stay up because you have a child that you both need to spend time with the next day? Assume you were in the same room??

Why did you separate?

This is about way more than this football match. In a loving, healthy relationship it shouldn't be a problem for someone to spend all night watching football and then have a lie-in, as long as it has been discussed and the other person also has a chance to have some time for themselves.

It becomes a problem when one person decides to do what they want with no thought for their partner, with no discussion and with the expectation that the other partner will pick up the pieces regarding childcare etc.

I assumed that he was in the hotel bar watching the match while she watched in the bedroom. I might be wrong though 🤔

Not a great start to the week is it? Is he really worth keeping around? Because truthfully there's a fine line between keeping the family together and being his doormat.

He sounds awful.
Why it's it "obviously" you that would need to get up with your son?
Why are you doing all the chores at home?
He's selfish

Fair point but that’s shit in itself! If the OP can watch the football in their room then so could he!

It’s one day, Give him this. If it becomes a habit, that is a different story!

If I was married to someone who considered family life to be something that interfered with their quest for pleasure, enjoyment or individualism and a grim, relentless grind of Making Memories, I'd be out in no time. I'm sorry that your family doesn't afford you any pleasure.

I do think that parents who fail to get the memo that, yeah, deciding to have kids means compromise - i.e. watching only one football match the first night of your holiday - are pretty sad specimens.

You don't stop being who you are when you become a parent.

Clearly. You just grimly squeeze out the obligatory one or two and crack on as though they're not there.

Reconciliation isn't done in a week on holiday. It is in the hard graft of learning to establish boundaries, creating new ways of interacting and communicating. I cannot answer whether you will succeed in this, as none of us know why you separated for a week, which I would consider more of a temper tantrum than a genuine trial separation.

I would not have been cross about one long lie in like this, as long as he gives you the opportunity for some child free time also. Will he offer this? Can you ask for it?

How you both handle differing expectations on outcome here is where the relationship work comes into it. If you can't say to him that you felt saddened/disappointed to spend your first day alone and/or he can't hear you saying it and want to repair, you are not making progress.

I will also say, that regardless of reasons, if my husband had walked out on us and left me holding down the fort with a 4 year old, I'd expect him to be working pretty bloody hard to prove he was going to shoulder his share of things before I'd even consider reconciling.

The bar is almost ridiculously low on here.

Why....

Nope, not a man. Mother of three, non football fan

OP, tomorrow you just take yourself off for a nice spa or whatever you like while your husband spends time with your child. Then both you and him get some for individual interests 😊

Even though he left them for a week and this is supposed to be a reconciliation holiday?
Bloody hell, the bar is so incredibly low with some people.

Not helpful but why did you pick the final week of the World Cup to go on holiday? I think you need to accept he wants to watch and plan around it. At least there won’t be anymore days with 2 games in a row.

He sounds like a selfish twat ...

I'd say he's showing you very clearly who he is, that he doesn't give a shit about either of you, and he's no interest in putting anyone other than himself first.

Based on not very much?! OP already said they both work full time but she does all the cooking and cleaning. Do you seriously think that says "not very much"?

Are you suggesting OP should have stayed up and watched the second game to then, leave a 4 year old to it? She shouldnt be a martyr after all, right?