Husband still in bed at 12.40 on first day of our family holiday.

[Rubyreindeer]

Am I being unreasonable. My husband and I, with our four year old are on holiday. Arrived late last night. My husband watched the England match which was midnight our time and finished at 3.30am. No problem with that at all. However, he then stayed up to watch the later match, came to bed at 6.45am and is still in bed at 12.40pm! I’m so cross. This is meant to be our family holiday. We are coming back from a week where he left, and are both meant to be making an effort, and he does this on our first day.

Am I being unreasonable and should expect him to make an effort to be up and with me and our son on the first day of our holiday.

Agree with this

What did hd leave for OP what were the circumstances?
Did he leave because he wanted his own way in everything or for other reasons.

@ItsOnlyHobnobs … 6am every day of your holiday except the first?! 😳bloody hell!

What would you rather he have done? •missed the game
•gone to bed after the England game
•got up early even though he’s not had enough sleep
Did you get enough sleep?
What are you hoping to get out of your holiday?
Im not sure going away on holiday is going to help sort your problems. From experience I’ve seen that holidays can infact put a huge strain on relationships. People are forced to spend a huge amount of time together without breaks or opportunities to have space. Lots of pressure to be happy and energetic. Drink is normally involved which never helps and you both probably have different expectations of what will happen on this holiday. Maybe schedule times to discuss issues then have breaks and enjoy your holiday. I hope things get resolved and you can enjoy your time away together.

If this is a make or break holiday because HE LEFT YOU (which most posters seem to have missed) then this isn't a good start.

Thanks all for the replies. Just to add, I am too a huge football fan, we both are, and I watched the match myself in the hotel room whilst my little one was asleep. I would have loved to have watched the second match, but knew I couldn’t as it would obviously be me up in the morning. But I guess my problem is the expectation that it’s absolutely fine for him to lie in bed (he finally came to join us at 2pm!) and I’d be the one getting up, baring mind he slept most the flight and I looked after our son.

I’m absolutely not someone that needs to spend 24/7 together, but my little boy spent the morning saying I wish daddy could come on on the slides as well, and I just found it sad he wasn’t there for the first day.

And in reply to some of the comments, yes he left myself and son for a week, as in we separated, so we were trying to use this as a reconciliation. And we both work, I’m not a stay at home mum, I do all the cooking, cleaning etc.

It’s the typical male assumption that mum will just be fine to have the kid.

It’s the old default parent thing isn’t it? It’s just assumed you will pick up the parenting slack. He didn’t have to think about getting up in the morning because he knew you would do it and he wouldn’t have to.

Would he take your DC away for hours in the morning and let you lie and read or swim or whatever without interruption? Or is it one-way traffic only?

Dumping you for a week is going to be pretty hard to come back from. And he didn't bother to parent his child in that week?

How can you like, respect or be attracted to a man who did that?

I'd be reconsidering that reconciliation, OP. Are you sure he's putting any effort into things?

So he is lazy, selfish and leaves most of the child and house work to you?

Why on earth do you want to get back together with him? Tell him to keep walking next time.

If my DH was pulling out a stunt like that, I would be fuming. I am not a child, I don't need to be told "I had enough sleep". Who treats their partner like that!

why don't people communicate? And take turn? It's not that hard.

If he didn't go to bed till 6.45 am its not surprising he's still in bed. Sometimes I wonder why anybody bothers to get married and have children.

Then maybe that should be communicated and discussed by both of them?

Well an adult would recognise that they chose to stay up absurdly late and that they might have to suck up being a bit tired so they can parent their young child and join in with the holiday? Women are expected to cope with no sleep all the time, when it’s not even of their own making, but a man chooses to stay up till 7am and then has to be left to sleep like a princess?

Some people’s standards are in the gutter though. I’m on holiday with DH and he would never sleep till afternoon while I solo parented the kids! And vice versa. Unless we had arranged it and the other person had equal time. He sometimes stays up late to watch some sport (not football) but recognises that’s his choice and gets up the same time as usual because that’s just what you do when you have young kids.

I hope this holiday gives you some clarity, OP.

Please tell us what the reconciliation conversation was like? Were boundaries discussed, the fact that you do all the household chores and this now needs to be 50/50?

I honestly can’t believe some of the replies on here! Both OP and her husband watched the England match. Fine. He then chose to watch the next match knowing/assuming his wife would get up in the morning to look after THEIR child - not ok!
@Rubyreindeer, you’ve already separated for a week, so if this is his level of trying to reconcile, I’d show him the door! He’s clearly not going to make an effort.
Can I ask why you both separated for a week? Was it selfish, lazy behaviour?

Reconciliation holidays rarely work.
As you can see they just expose the cracks even more.

A colleague of mine was on holiday with her dh and dc.
Every night after they had eaten he left colleague to mind the dc whilst he went to a bar to watch the match (euros).
On the night that there wasn't a match she picked up her bag and headed towards the door.
Her dh asked where she was going, so she told him that it was his turn to stay in and she was off to the bar.
He was shocked that she would do that.
Some men are so selfish.

How miserable

What's the point of being a couple if you can't have a late night/ late morning on holiday from time to time?

Unless we had arranged it and the other person had equal time
I am all for sharing equally, but being so transactional sounds depressing.

gets up the same time as usual because that’s just what you do when you have young kids.
Not when you have a caring partner, no. I am glad my DH left me sleep when I needed, because he was just as able to look after the kids when they were little.

talk to him about it then?

seething inwardly never helps anyone. Clear expectations do. Especially if this is supposed to be a kind of reconcilliation.

If I was in the op's situation I'd be making a solid plan to divorce him. I wouldn't let him know, I would blindside him and make sure everything happened on my terms.

World’s biggest football fan here. He was absolutely U to stay up for the Argentina match. Ridiculous behaviour.

God your bar is fucking low. If you go on holiday with your four old, you be there for your four year old. If that means one night with less sleep because you wanted to stay up and watch a match, cool, deal with the lack of asleep like an adult and go to bed early the next night.

If you think fairness in a relationship is "transactional" then you have problems, and if you have never experienced those problems in your relationship it's because you got lucky with someone who wasn't inclined to take advantage. Unlike OP's Dh.