Husband still in bed at 12.40 on first day of our family holiday.

[Rubyreindeer]

Am I being unreasonable. My husband and I, with our four year old are on holiday. Arrived late last night. My husband watched the England match which was midnight our time and finished at 3.30am. No problem with that at all. However, he then stayed up to watch the later match, came to bed at 6.45am and is still in bed at 12.40pm! I’m so cross. This is meant to be our family holiday. We are coming back from a week where he left, and are both meant to be making an effort, and he does this on our first day.

Am I being unreasonable and should expect him to make an effort to be up and with me and our son on the first day of our holiday.

He's not very serious about reconciling. He's still selfish, is going to do what he wants, and taking you for granted.

Let this one go.

Well neither of enjoy lying in on holiday anyway but if one of us did, we would sort it out so that the other person actually knew it was happening, not just stay up till 7am and go to sleep for hours while the other adult had no idea and had the first day of the holiday solo with a young kid.

Judging by the time stamp of your thread, you are a few hours different to the UK. So he was still in bed 7hours after the match ended? I think I would cut him some slack, personally. The game went into extra time, he’s on holiday. For footie fans it was a big deal.

If he does the same tomorrow you’ve a right to be angry, though.

This is him letting you know op that if you stay in this relationship he will do whatever he can to make sure that everything is always on his terms.
Every time he does something like this and gets away with it that makes it harder for you to leave and easier for him to dominate and oppress you.

It’s not seeming very unlikely if this is him.. working for the relationship? So this is his absolute best? It might well be his best football watching, and as a divorced man hopefully thw World Cup is a warm memory to savor and worth every bit of it.

I must say if I were giving my husband a final chance for the marriage and family there is no sports tournament in the world that I would accept being his no 1 priority instead. Unless perhaps he were competing. Is he competing in the World Cup op?

Take tomorrow morning to yourself op. Till 2pm, if he’s not dad of the year, feeds him and cleans up and he’s gracious about it too, I’d call it a day.

thanks, but I am not a martyr and neither are my friends.

We also have decent partners, who can spend time with young kids and let us sleep when needed.

It's your bar that is very low! I am a better mum when I have had enough sleep 😂

You've put the clocks forward by two hours wherever you are, so when you posted saying he was still in bed at 12.40, it wasn't actually that late according to his sleeping body clock, was it? It wasn't even 10.40 here.

My concern would be that he was up till nearly 7am doing something he shouldn't like taking drugs.

I have no idea when parenting and parenting and being a couple became so intense.
Honestly, when I read threads like this, and the responses along the lines of 'wake him up', demand he enjoys family life NOW on your terms, or tell him if he doesn't get up, you'll leave, I wonder if love, consideration and affection have been sacrificed at the alter of Perfect Family Life.
It just all sounds so stifling, like once you become a parent you have to jettison any interests you had beyond being a parent and Enjoying Every Minute of Your Little Family.
I am not a doormat but I couldn't imagine dragging my husband up after the England game and demanding he enjoys family life, assuming it would cut both ways.

Agree. And I don't even like football much.

It's his holiday OP. If you feel it is unfair on you, negotiate some child-free time for you too. But don't turn a family holiday into boot camp.

‘assuming it would cut both ways.’

It often doesn’t though, that’s the point. I bet OP won’t get her child-free morning and I bet this isn’t the only time on holiday he opts out of family life with no notice. Tale as old as time. If it was an equal partnership then OP wouldn’t have had to make this thread in the first place.

How many mums would stay up till 7am watching TV and then sleep till 2pm on the first day of holiday with their young kids? I’d be interested to know as not sure I know any.

You arrived late so he was probably already tired by then. He's obviously a football fan so of course he stayed up to watch the games. (even I did, not a regular watcher but, hey! it's the world cup!)
Cut the poor man some slack on the first day of his holidays.

Equally, maybe he should have communicated and discussed the fact that he planned to stay up all night and therefore be unavailable for his half of the reconciliation effort on the first day?

This. He should be using this holiday to show he's changed and willing to put the effort in. It looks like be left as a way of telling you to fall in line.
Id be insisting on non negotiable counselling when you get home.

Well go do something with your child and leave him to it.
Holidays are for staying up late and sleeping in.
Hes not drunk and being a prick!

He left myself and son for a week, as in we separated, so we were trying to use this as a reconciliation

Well you be trying, but it doesn't sound as if he's interested in making a similar effort does it?

Unfortunately there's a certain type of football fan - not all, but some, and usually of the knuckle dragging male variety - who place it before all else
IME they rarely change, so the decision on whether to continue with this has to be yours

I would just wake him up at a reasonable time

But you don't know that. You are making assumptions based on not very much.
In all honesty, if I was married to some of the posters on MN who regard family life as - to coin a PP - a bootcamp with no room for pleasure, enjoyment or individualism, just a grim, relentless grind of Making Memories, I would want out too.
You don't stop being who you are when you become a parent.
I do think that mothers these days have a tendency to become martyrs when children come along, devoting themselves to the child at all costs, and get annoyed when their partner has not read the memo.

They have a child together. You sound so flippant about it.

1- he didn’t agree with the OP she’d be parenting alone on that morning/day. He can’t just be ditching his responsibility as a father because of football.

2- it’s on the back of him ‘leaving fr a week’ and allegedly ‘Trying to get back in track’ and making an effort. That’s not it.

@Rubyreindeer seeing that you’re away after him leaving for a week, I feel that

1- he is showing who he is (again?).
He is supposed to make an effort. I imagine that means not taking you for granted. And actually parenting. He chose to watch football unto, 6.30am instead….

2- the timing makes me wonder if he didn’t just want to enjoy the hols rather than ‘giving it to you’ to be away in your own with your ds.

3- even if there was no ‘separation’ in the mix, he would have taken you for granted to pull an all nighter without checking first if you were happy to do,o parent for the day/morning. Which is crap in the first place.

What else can tge OP do though?
Its not as if he is showing any sign to want towork through their issues or to make things better.

Is it flippant or straight to the point?
The more it goes, the more I find that believing people when they show who they are by their actions is a very good way to handle relationships (in general, not just marriage)

Lots of posters letting him off with excuses but if he left you for a week and this is a make up holiday then I think he is showing you through this behaviour that nothing has changed.
Watching the football is fine but no reason to watch the second match and have a day's lie in unless that was agreed with you first.
And I don't get all this "you don't have to spend time together on holiday" nonsense - surely that's the whole point of a holiday, particularly with small children?? It's about spending quality time as a family rather than spinning plates and doing lots of things solo like you no doubt do in your usual routine.

The first morning of a holiday is a time to all be up and exploring the resort/accommodation etc - your child is no doubt super excited - and I think it's selfish of your husband to miss that.

He would need to seriously shape up the rest of the week or I would be having serious thoughts about the future if I were you.

Ugh, what rubbish.
That's not what this is about at all - the OP has been forced into her "martyr" position here by her selfish husband who decided unilaterally to stay up all night and then sleep all day leaving her to sort out their child.

Women often appear to be "martyrs" simply because their selfish partners don't step up & don't do their share.

What was the OP meant to do? lie in bed herself and leave her small child to fend for themselves?
No, she was forced to get up and look after her child and be the "martyr" - which I imagine is how it often is at home too.