Husband still in bed at 12.40 on first day of our family holiday.

[Rubyreindeer]

Am I being unreasonable. My husband and I, with our four year old are on holiday. Arrived late last night. My husband watched the England match which was midnight our time and finished at 3.30am. No problem with that at all. However, he then stayed up to watch the later match, came to bed at 6.45am and is still in bed at 12.40pm! I’m so cross. This is meant to be our family holiday. We are coming back from a week where he left, and are both meant to be making an effort, and he does this on our first day.

Am I being unreasonable and should expect him to make an effort to be up and with me and our son on the first day of our holiday.

I’m not sure many people caught the bit where you said he left you for a week and this holiday is supposed to be reconciliatory with both making an effort.

As with many threads like this, on the surface of it all it’s not a big deal but it’s probably part of a massive pattern of behaviour.

When we had smaller kids I’m the night owl so would stay up later than dh hanging out with the dc (he was usually in bed by 10 if we had gone out for dinner and got back) and I’d stay up playing games with them and just generally enjoy spending that bit of quality time with them for an extra hour or so. And because he’s early to bed he’s an early riser too so would be up and do the breakfast shift with them, allowing me to stay in bed for as long as I wanted ( I didn’t take the piss obviously! Mostly because we would have plans during the day but also because I hate wasting ages in bed) and maybe take them in the pool early or just out for a wander.
That’s how it panned out for us, give and take.

The first day of our holiday DH slept in and I left him. Today, day 4 of our holiday, I slept in till 12.30 and he left me. Surely holidays are the best time to relax and lie in?

Perhaps we’re strange but on family holidays me and my wife would often have a bit of me time leaving other with kids
I’d go for a long walk or a run and she’d take hers off to the beach with a book for a few hours

What do you mean coming back form a week where he left?

He left you as in separated?

He’s been in bed for 5hrs? fuck sake calm down, family holiday doesn’t mean every minute of together time.
I actually wonder how most MN marriages ever survive with the rigid ideas and expectations so many women seem to have.

Yep, agreed.

Make sure you get your own lie in and leave the child to him until after lunch.

I would be utterly furious. How selfish.

Early morning walk - really!

Her turn to stay up late and then not get up until lunch time.

It’s the World Cup. You have until Wednesday until the next game. When he is up, you go off for a nice swim and have some time for you. Don’t ruin this holiday by starting an argument.

I'd say this incident would be fine if agreed in advance, it's a special event. But it sounds like you expected him to just watch the England match, my dh was up at 9.30am, it sounds like you'd have been fine with that?

Wake him up, draw a line under it and duscuss what he plans to do for the other matches.

Oh, no i didnt.....fuck him!!!

You didn't pick a good month with the world cup. It's a huge deal to some people getting this far. It's a bit of give and take. I wouldn't spend the day with resentment, negativity or disappointment etc. I'd let it go and just enjoy what you can. Write off today as a chill day. But I'd make it clear you would like an early start tomorrow so you can all enjoy a family day together. It's not ideal but the timing of the holiday is not great.

It’s a holiday, just chill and enjoy yourself with your child until he wakes up

me and DH have just woken up after the football last night and kids are still asleep - it’s Sunday and no one is working today so it’s all very chilled - should be the same on holiday

More context is needed as to why you split up. But you are being unreasonable. It’s his holiday too and assuming he’s a football supporter he has every right to watch the games. It’s a big deal. Not everyone wants to get up super early on holiday. You have the rest of the week off

This is meant to be our family holiday. We are coming back from a week where he left, and are both meant to be making an effort, and he does this on our first day.

The above stood out for me OP. Am I correct in thinking that your husband left you and your son, due to your relationship being on the rocks? So his idea of making an effort was to spend his time watching two football matches?! The England match I understand, but there was no reason he needed to watch the second. He chose to stay up to watch it, knowing full well he'd need to sleep in.

As it's the World Cup I would cut him some slack for today, as long as he joins in for the rest of the holiday (and gives you a lie in tomorrow).

Maybe she wants to spend her holiday with her husband and kids not off on her own?

Go down to the pool or out for lunch and leave him a note. Sorted.

Give and take. Have a lie in on another day? Its not a big deal

Erm. Respectfully, no.

Up early......12.40
Do you have no boundaries generally?

If someone wants to do that, it would be courteous to let the rest of the family know in advance.

As he stayed up all night I’d give him a pass. Go out and do something with your child. See how the rest of the weeks go.