Glam & Fab Part 6 - The Summer of Discontent

[Tanee58]

Hope you all find your way onto this new one !

hi baffy, tbh i think you're right about his needing to fix it himself.

i feel like hte change in H has come about purely thru his own actions not by mine especially.

having had my support and friendship thru-out is what has enabled us to now spend time together amicably and make short term plans and very tentative future plans.

there's still a long way to go tho and he is the only one who can get himself there.

his lookout if what he thinks he wants but isn't quite ready for yet is no longer available........

well, my friend has arrived from O/S and I will going out shortly for the evening so for once I actually have plans on a Friday night!

only problem is that the sun is almost out and my precious and gorgeous Oakleys broke yesterday so I am sunny-less not to mention skint. don't think i'll be getting Oakley replacements

oops x posts - bottle of wine and a good chat would be perfect right now!

Think I could make it down there after work?!

I like the evil plan though I may just do that!!

yeh leave now!!!!!

On my way!

btw PC - it's all credit to you that the way you've dealt with this is the reason you can now have this amicable relationship and there is still a chance of a future for you all as a family.

Lets hope and pray that one day they realise just how lucky they are to have that chance.

Before it's too late!

Baffy & PC - save me a glass! I'm counting the minutes and feeling like I've gotten very little work done (apart from sorting out a podiatrist appt for a little old lady). Baffy, wish you weren't so far away. I thought of you last weekend when I passed signposts for your direction.

Then again - I had quite a lot of wine last night - so maybe I should stick with water today .

Hi gals blimey you lot can talk
Gotta go feed baby now after taking me ages to catch up...will try and come back later but had guests and been trying to sort our mess out
Baffy ...are you me???? Really though I could have written your posts every single one of them every word
And Dior bloody impressed and of the weight loss well done you and keep going
Everyone else back later

I wish I wasn't so far away too Tanee

Do you think a move 250 miles away from my job, friends and family would be justifiable on the basis of wanting to be able to meet you guys whenever possible?! I think so!

Macd I hope you're ok. I wish I was you - I'd love your job and your beautiful dds! I think we may be married to the same man anyway.

Baffy, come on down. Who needs work, friends and family when you have us?

McD, hi!

Right, I am leaving now. Ended with a laugh as our office manager in Parl just read me his response to the complaint yesterday. It's a perfect example of how to apologise without apologising. After all, this person may be offended that someone likened him to the Sheriff of Nottingham, but if the cap fits .... We're thinking of framing it!

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Well done on the plumbing Tannee
Baffy - wish I had something useful to say. I think you know what needs to happen anyway. Makes you wish you believed in witchcraft doesn't it. You could put a spell on him. Can he not see what OW is doing and how manipulative she is? He needs to acknowledge that now - you are right. Otherwise he will be dancing to her tune. What a nasty piece of work she is.
Also wish you were nearer. Would like to meet you in RL. However, in the meantime here's a large glass of wine
PC - well done on the excellent appraisal. You go girl Glad you are on track for promotion.

Dior - no you cannot have the wine too many sins points calories or whatever and actually mine is a virtual one too - only one more week to holiday and i dont want to be squeezed into everything!

Baffy wrt ow it is because we are woman that we know what they are up to. I think that is why in part i hate ow - in so many ways she was/is like me and she played the game i knew she would.
But it took a while for h to realise that - talking to 2 female friends who have recently been through it (but who h have not returned) also made him see what she was like. He admits now he was taken for a fool. He was also surprised to learn that the men followed the same 'script' too. So it is not only you and mcd who share a husband i think we all really have the same one .

I just hope for his sake that he see the light and still has the strength to do the right thing. I do believe too that he needs to reach his rock bottom before that happens.
I know it sounds as if my h did not but believe me he was in a really bad way and no-one would have ever believed he would take any time off work let alone the huge chunk that he did.

I know you are still very supportive of him and say he is doing it in 'his own' way but he really does need a change for things to change direction.

I never believed h would look for let alone get another job - he is actually a very loyal person (despite this and contray to what ow will think). It is the one thing that i thought meant more to him than anything. I think that is why the bosses were taken by surprise too. But he really has changed and is far more family and home foccused now and it so far does not seem to have affected his work.
He is far more in turn with himself and puts his own limits on himself which actually others respect now.

Well done pc on the work front - it is a tricky time at the moment too for a lot of people.

Tanee i need a plumber are you free - washing machine playing up again and i think it may be due to a blockage in the drains.

Off to takle it now so wish me luck.

Have a great weekend everyone.

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Dior - somedays you just feel hungry. Nowt you can do about it. All I can suggest is that you fill up with low calorie or slow release carb food. If going to Nandos I would order the quarter chicken but I would have two sides (rice and chips) because I see it as a treat to go and I wouldn't want to deprive myself Nowhere near Essex/Suffolk and at a friend's party that night....but thanks for invite Hope you have a good night.

HW - I know where you're coming from re.not trusting women. I never felt this way before but now I am more wary than I used to be (obviously this mistrust does not extend to the lovely ladies on this thread!). I went to a meal out recently (nursery mums) and found it so jarring to hear a few of the mums say what a "pin up" my h is. Grrrrrr. So fucking annoying. I felt like saying "get a bloodly life". I just could not contemplate saying that I felt that way about another woman's partner

wow take the dc's out for the day and it takes me half an hour to catch up
pc/ll greatr news about jobs LOL at LL spending her wages but agree if you can't treat yourself what's the point Good news about h job too if it get's him away from ow.

Baffy well you know the answer and what he needs to do just have to sit tight and see if he can work it out and act upon it. You are right that he needs to do this i am just that a man who has taken all these decisions on ow / splitting up his family / having another child etc. then acts all helpless when it comes to fixing things and turns to you to 'help' him through it! At least you prepared for fall out with ow and i guess he doesn't want to so finds it easier to ignore it and carry on as if he has a carefree life

UC well done to you can't believe how well your doing on 'operation husband' i admire your strength i could never have done that.

HW your posts are so true and show how you can come through this. LOL at h being bedbound now you could really have some fun there

McD how are things r/e money issues hope you are getting sorted ?

Tannee wow sounds like a stressful week hope you have a nice relaxing weekend to compensate!

Dior hope the hungry phase passes i think it always get's hard a couple of weeks into any diet Just remember how well you have done and how much better you are feeling.

Sorry if i missed anyone else
Well just catching up here whilst dp takes dd dancing. Nothing much planned this weekend got friends coming round tonight so will probably have a hangover tom So hopefully dc's will entertain themselves a little this weekend as am shattered keeping htme busy all week

Have lovely weekend all

Thanks lilyloo Enjoy your night with friends and hope your hangover tomorrow isn't too bad. I agree with you when you say how ironic it is that men can manage to fuck up their marriage, impregnate another woman and keep both wife and OW dangling.........yet need help from wife to find themselves. Baffy........when he finally comes to his senses he sooooooo owes you honey. And I hope you milk it.

Feeling positive this weekend. Sun shining. New job. H starting new job in 4 weeks. All good

UC you are being very proactive with Operation Husband and glad it is giving you some focus. Though it is jarring that we as women who work and have babies are not allowed to ever be unglam and talk about children stuff for fear of h looking elsewhere

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

er Honey as in the term of endearment and not the stuff that bees make

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hello everyone, also had quite a nice day today. It was stinking hot, and we had a load of people round to help me get the garden under control. It's really big and getting rather wild... DS2 is hoping lions and tigers might move in, it's a bit of a jungle at the back. No more! All weed free for at least a week.

LL, I know exactly what you mean. I work, used to have to be all glam for work in the City, now I do part time and work from home. You get H interested when you're young, independent, supple and free of stretch marks (well, nearly), funny, energetic etc. etc., he falls for you, you get married, then you bear his children, he sees you give birth, you let him see you without your hair done, or make up on because you no longer have time to do all that every day, and you're only going to the park anyway. You think you're safe, after all you're the mother of his children, the woman he chose to promise to love until death us do part. Bollocks.

Sorry, I got a bit carried away... I have been feeling a bit low today (but only sharing it with you ladies, definitely not with H...). One of my friends who was round saw h 10 days ago, and H was very firm he thinks he's made the right choice, says he's been unhappy about some things for years - so why the f*k get married and have children with me then? Youngest isn't yet 2... It makes me feel like I've been lied to for years, that the last decade has been a waste of time. Surely this can't be true? Or is he going to be one of those men who say "oh, we were never really suited. It was all a mistake, we should never have got married at all". So why is it then, that every time I tell everyone what's happened now, their mouth falls open, they can't believe it. We were not a couple where this was on the cards, or where anyone has said Hmmm, I wasn't sure you were happy. Friend described H as "clearly unhappy, mixed up, f*ked up". That's the second time in 3 weeks a close friend has said that to me. And that H needs to understand himself before he can solve any of this. How true. But how long are you supposed to wait for this to happen? It might never happen.

Must just keep going with Operation Husband... On the plus side, H did also say to friend that he felt communication with me had become more positive. And this was before Op H really kicked in in earnest.

Going for a bath now and then bed. Sorry to rant on...

PS - LL, ignore the women in your group. It's hard, but take it as a complement. Much safer that you hear it rather than him.

Thanks UC. I wasn't upset by it but it annoyed me. Must upset you when your h talks to other people and says he is sure he's done the right thing. He's probably saying it to convince himself. I have no doubt he is lost and mixed up. Why have a second child is the relationship was in trouble. I agree with you there - and tbh that would make me even more angry. The thought that he wasn't sure of the relationship but went along with having a second child.

My friend is having a rough time. Her dad has given her mum an STD Bastard Cheating without protection. They are going to divorce now.

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thanks Dior. That's precisely what I'm trying to do, deal with him as if he has moved on. How I wish I could see into the future. Don't we all...

Why can't you eat all 8 bonus points?! That's a blooming long way!!! Sounds like you've undergone a complete lifestyle change...!!! Well done!

Well done dior that's fantastic I'm glad you had a good day out too.

Hope you all had nice weekends. I had a lovely time with ds, and we walked for miles on the beach yesterday which was great fun (finding shells/crabs/all the usual little boy stuff that I can't stand touching!!)

H came with us. And spent most of the day texting OW! She has a water infection or something and was being the hysterical 'I'm pregnant so the world has to stop and you must come and take me to hospital now'

I said to him, either go and take her to the hospital, or stay on the day out with us and STOP texting her! Nedless to say he stayed with us. But didn't stop texting!

I kept my patience in front of ds and managed to have a lovely day. But when ds had a nap I told him I really can't carry on like this... blah blah blah... all the same old stuff.

Basically if he is going to allow her to rule his life, then I don't want to be part of it. As she's not ruling mine.

Again, just silence. No real answers. No real committment either way to sort this. He wants to sort it and to be with us. But he will not stand up to this girl.

HW I think your right when you say there needs to be a dramatic change and only once that happens might this turn around.

I'm actually annoyed at myself that I let him carry on with this crap because I really wish I was a much more explosive and harsh person who would lay down the way it is and point blank refuse to have any more to do with him until it's sorted one way or another.

I guess I've felt so far, like I'd be cutting off my nose and all that as I do enjoy his company.
But in reality, how much can you enjoy someone's company who's constantly texting the woman he cheated on you with for 18 months and is now having his child?!?!

that is for myself so none of you need to do it!

UC you're doing so so well. How are you today? I hate it when so called 'friends' say such thoughtless and insensitive things like that

LL thanks for the wine on friday! We really will have to organise a proper meet up soon if we can.

lilyloo did you have a hangover in the end??

macdoodle how's things with you?

Not good here - gonna lose everything without some fancy footwork And more hours for me
H at least being useful out seeing estate agents to get shot of his fancy flat ASAP and move into shitty one bed .....

Well done dior on the cycle - i am not good at cycling really but i will hopefully get mine out when we return from hols. Sorry cant make sat as will be on hols by then .

Lush - try not to take too much notice of others i am sure it was meant as a compliment - touble is men take it as something else , it is so easy to give them an ego boost - i really do think that men and woman are different in that - i can say some awful things about hs body and it dosent seem to worry him at all .

UC you are doing so well and take heart that my h was exactly like yours - it is a way of protecting themselves from all the guilt. You just have to make sure he is completly clear in his mind that it is him that is destroying your family not you - you will have to take responsibilty for your part (none of us are perfect - and so admitting how you could have done better does not mean you in any way are responsible for this now).

Is there anyway you could remind him of the good times - maybe getting out some photos and offering them to him.

I did this to h - they were mainly children shots but i tried to get ones where i knew he would remember happy times - i also put in a few of us a family and a couple of us together. I told him i was heartbroken having to do it but i was sure i too would have happy times again. I also said i had learnt a lot from this and there were things i now realised i had done wrong and would work on myself to not take those to a new relationship (giving him the seed of the idea that i would one day move on and the new man would get the very best of me )
Try not to use phases such as 'you ruined the last decade' however angry at the time - do that here i will understand - say thanks for all the memories you have given me i will always tresure the time we did have together and i am just so sad they have ended now (whilst trying to hold back the tears).
He will not be able to go back to ow and say what a complete cow you have been and may even tell her how sorry he feels for you - which will serve another purpose as you do not want her to be able to justify being nasty to you either. And if she does you may even find h defending you.

This was something h has told me - ow found it difficult to not try and put the knife in when i was being so reasonable. He also hated the idea of me ever being with anyone else and it was looking to be more of a possibility with me looking fab when i went out. - How are you getting on with making him babysit for you? Get glammed up and go out - come back and say you found it very hard but sure with time you will find it easier and thank him for babysitting. Not too many details of what you did get up to - say something like you never thought you would have to do the 'getting to know people' thing again but you are looking forward to making some new friends and you may try something new now to meet a whole new circle of friends. You know him best so just make your own things up. I was invited by a group of friends to join a poker group where they all go to each others homes and play - i think h was secretly jealous of that as he would have liked the social side of that (i was crap at poker though and so it was not for me - but i did have a couple of great evenings and meet some new people too).

As TFM says try and re-invent yourself - again you know what will push h buttons so do little changes.

Good luck and do email me if you can and let us know how it goes - it is hard but believe me these me often will want to come back at some point (it may be too late then of course).
And he has now meet the 'one' he will still have nothing to hold against you.

Hi to everyone else too.