Glam & Fab Part 6 - The Summer of Discontent

[Tanee58]

Hope you all find your way onto this new one !

I think you have made the right, although hard decision Baffy not just for you but also for DS at the moment he is young enough to bounce back from this and for Mummy & Daddy being apart to be "normal".

GWs relationship with SG will not last long term and I can see her being the kind of person who once she decides she has had enough will use their child against him so I hope for his sake he DOES go for a DNA test - still thats his problem isnt it. He didnt want family life with you when you are a strong and capable person just imagine what its going to be like for him with a needy girl who doesnt behave much better than a toddler!

Baffy, please don't cross EVERYTHING for me - you'll fall over . I do hope we can get all the maggots out before too many have hatched. It reminds me of a line from Macbeth 'Oh, full of scorpians is my mind, dear wife!' - that's my DP!

Seriously, I don't think you were being harsh to your H - you were being strong, realistic, and saying what's right for YOU and DS - and incidentally, what's right for him, too. He made this mess, it is NOT for you to help him sort it out. You have ds to look after, you don't need to have to care for another child (by which I mean H, not Psycho's Baby). If he ever grows up enough to deal with Psycho and keep her and her child totally out of your life, that may be the time to start negotiating - sadly, the child will make that almost impossible, given the mother's insanity - but I'm keeping a lot crossed for you, too.

Thats the good thing about sharing our experiences Baffy, if by doing so we can prevent some other person from going the same problems that we have then that can only be a good thing. Tanee has seen enough of what might happen on here, she has learned well

Baffy, has H signed the divorce papers yet? Have you any idea when all that will be finalised? I'm glad you are feeling stronger anyway but I do wonder how much more you can take. You have coped so remarkably well with everything xxx

TFM - I make obeisance and salute my Guru and deep curtsey in your direction!

Why thank you Tanee x

Ok, can I just share some good news? I've been bursting with pride all week! College rang with regard to DS and his entrance exam for his plumbing course, he got 94%!!! They are over the moon with him and will definately be inviting him in for a one to one interview. I am soooo proud! Also, dd has just learnt to ride her bike without stabilisers! I've been trying to teach her for weeks and on Sunday, in the gale force wind, she just did it! She just got on and rode it, without me! So I'm proud of her too!

Ok, gushing proud mum bit over and done with

Thanks for listening! xxx

OMG I forgot this bit... My DD,(one of the big one's) got engaged! That means I'm going to be a MIL! He is a lovely young man, treats her very well and loves her very much so I am delighted with her choice.

TFM oh BIG congrats to both children. You must be SO proud. Ashamed to say I never learned to ride a bike, so I envy those kids who learn young. And a Plumber in the Family - ooh, he'll have an open invite to sort our house out - if we stay in it!

By the way, do you know anything about strawberry runners? There's a thread just started in gardening about them...

Triple congrats then! I hope he will never be the cause of her joining MN!

Thank you Tanee I am sooooo very proud.

Do you mean the strawberry runners that you are meant to plant in the soil to grow new Strawberry plants? I will pop over and have a look. How is your compost coming along? You never reported back, is it compost yet?

I've answered your strawberry question in the gardening thread Tanee. Hope it's helpful xx

Thanks TFM, yes - and someone else has added a bit too. It's a nice distraction from my trembly tummy. There's a good thread about ghosts in the kitchen, too.

Haven't investigated my compost - but the level has dropped considerably since the weather warmed up, so I'm hoping for nice stuff down there. I'm afraid that if I remove the side to investigate, I'll never get it on again - or discover that that's where our local rat population lives !

Tanee - good luck with the appt tonight - hope it helps get you on the right track again. Please dont even think about selling, appart from everyone thinking you are bonkers with the way the housing market is at the moment, you will resent it and that is not the way to go forward. I have learnt not to 'give up' any of me anymore and stand true to what i want.
DH got the chance to move and work abroad not so long ago - before i would have given a go but not now - i have what i want here and will not be giving up any of what i know is my security again. That sounds negative but actually it makes me feel stronger and in control more now.
I also wonder if he is looking elsewhere for the problem and in typical man style is lashing out at the only person he knows he can - you. He knows it will hurt you and he is wanting to make you feel as bad as he is.

Baffy - you already sound so much stronger, he will either sort out his mess or let her do it for him. He needs to be a strong man too now, and start thinking for himself. It sounds as if he is starting to realise what she is like - let him for a bit longer now. Will she actually want him if you dont???

Hi to everyone else - sorry been v busy
(had lunch with h again today - he is managing to work as much as possible from home at the moment and is able to have lunch which is wonderful).
Need to wait for him to go back to work in the office so i can catch up properly and sit on the computer all day like everyone else does .

HW - thanks. I don't think he intends to hurt me - I don't think he's actually thinking at all clearly. He seems to see this house as the problem - both the financial side and finding his place within it as he sees DD and me as a strong family unit - with the cats thrown in - and feels himself on the outside. It doesn't help that he's not actually lived in it for all the two years - he's spent half that time on tour, and most of the time when he HAS been here, he's been unemployed. I think he now associates this house with too many negatives and his simple solution is to lose the house and get us back to the way we were before - me with responsibilities well within my budget (that's how he tried to sell the idea to me last night), and him - well - with no responsibilities at all!

Tell you something quite funny that he's started doing recently - I always keep the toilet lid down - it's a habit my exh had (he was VERY clean) and I picked it up from him - also it stops the cats climbing into the loo for a drink (or falling in by accident as they like to jump onto it when I'm in the bath) - and I've recently learned it's more hygienic as it stops 'splashback' spraying bacteria filled water droplets around the bathroom when you flush. DP always followed my lead when at my flat, and when we moved here - but the last couple of times when he's been home, he's taken to leaving the lid up! Subtle, eh? Trying to establish his territory or what .

I have not commented on it, but it has been noted...

Tanne good luck for tongight!

TFM weow about time we had some lovely news on this thread!

Baffy glad you told him what you thought, i guess he can just see it all coming on top now and doesn't know what to do (as you usually help him out/give him the answers) i think he will fall apart.

You are right to do the best thing for you and ds and only you know what you could forgive and live with. I know you will make the right choice. I can't believe how many people he has hurt in his quest for 'fun'

Message withdrawn

Hello!! Wow TFM - that's brilliant news. Not surprising though, with a fantastic Mum like you your dc are bound to be successful!!!
Tannee - my (d)p was the same here. Used to move things around to suit him and I used to move them straight back. The thing with us was that this is a council house and in my name, as I lived here before I met him. Just as well now, as things have turned out. I hope you get a few things sorted at Relate. Its a shame that you just get one session then have to wait for the proper sessions to start. We are still waiting for ours now, although I think its a tad too late for us .
He's been a complete git again this week. He went to a funeral on Monday, got totally shitfaced, upset his dd and she went home to her Mum's and won't speak to him, then yesterday, burst into my house effing and blinding at me for turning his dd against him!! Thank God he's not living here anymore. I can shut the door on him and all his shit now.
He's full of remorse today as usual, he's promised his dd he'll go to AA but its empty promises, although I haven't got the heart to tell her that.
BUT compared to what Baffy and Tannee and others are going through, its nothing!!

Oh here you are wondered why you had been so quiet and you'd gone and started a new thread without me
Hope everyone is ok - esp you Baffy - am thinking of you often and remember how I felt when I first found out seems a lifetime ago..I am so much stronger now - I have finally decided/realised I don't actaully want to "win" - I am not sure what I want but that is fine too - am finally ready to decide what I want and make H work for it - my mum said to make him do lots of DIY etc (he is very handy) in case it all goes pear shaped - so I have - 2 trips to Ikea he has been a very busy boy ......and no complaints yet amazing
I even managed to ask him if he was invited to OW baby (gonna call her M seems a bit mean for her to be nameless)...1st birthday party - he said it hadn't been mentioned and would probably be at her mothers house so probably not as in their eyes she is perfect innocent little victim (her mother even turned up raving on my doorstep ummm hello I was the innocent wife ).....anyway it was the first normal conversation we have had about M so thats got to be a good thing
Anyway hugs to all Baffy, PC, Tanee and smiles for everyone else doing ok (especially Dior hugs yipeeeee )
Baby teething nightmare at mo so of to bed early don't chatter all night....WW will try and find you on FB too

Morning ladies

Tannee how did it go ?

McD can't say how happy i am to read your recent posts. You sound so much stronger and happier. Good idea about getting the house in order. I hope he can step up to the mark but if not you sound like you know what you are doing anyway, it's fab

Any news of PC TFM ? Is it Glastonbury today ?

GUP what a shame he is letting his dd down too, i really hoped he wouldn't do it to her but looks like the drink comes first every time. I hope you can sort things out but i guess theycan't stop him drinking can they ?

Baffy how are you today, i am thinking of you and hoping you and ds are ok. Is it today you are taking him on his trip ? If so have lovely day and don't give them two a second thought (hard i know, is he going with her to the hosp ?)

[smiles] to everyone else !

No time to read.

But he went to the scan. It is his. Conceived on the weekend of my 30th birthday.

Happy birthday Baffy!

Off to try and enjoy the show with ds

Moring Ladies

Baffy I am so sorry. I don't really know what else to say except for that we are all here for you and all thinking of you.

UC I hope you are ok. I hope the 'chat' goes well. Thinking of you too.

Hi Lily Well, in true Mother Hen style I text PC to see if she is ok but not had a reply yet. I have just had a look on FB and she updated her status a couple of hours ago, she survived the night and all was well apart from a drunken neighbour landing on the van I will let you know when I hear from her.

Tanee, how are you? I hope all is going well for you and that you are managing to get sorted.

Well all is well here. I'm off to visit DP's gran in a few minutes. She is so lovely, I love to listen to her stories of when her kids (6 of them) were young. She brought them up almost single handed as her husband was in the army during the wartime. He came home on leave for the birth of his third child and almost fainted when the nurse came out and told him he was the proud father of twin girls. No scans in those days, just happy surprises!

Lots of love to everyone xxx

Me again! Just had text from PC, all is well. DD slept until 9am!!! She says all a bit manic but dd is loving it She is hoping to meet up with a few freinds later. So all is good! xx

So glad PC enjoying it , this will be really good for her and dd

Baffy so so sorry , but i think you knew it was deep down anyway.
What a situation and what a poor poor child having two selfish invdividuals for parents.
We are here for you Baffy to cry, scream or shout. Take care and hope you can give ds a fabulous day and pamper yourselves in the hotel!

Baffy - so sorry, been thingking about you a lot and have some evil thoughts too .

Could you not now say you are pregnant too - at least she will then know that you slept with him too?

I know its not much and it is sinking a bit low but dont know what else to suggest.

We are all here for you whenever you need us. Do take care.

You are worth so much more than this.

Baffy do try to get more proof too though - if he shows you a pic look for measurements and i will double check them for you if you like.

How many weeks should she be now anyway?