The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ffs - I mean if they really have to do this then why not mention this when booking the date in? Or even before.

I’m not against sex on first dates - or ONS per se but from a dating site I expect a nod towards the date bit and I expect to be able to look the goods over in person before making a call on purchase!

I wonder how many of his dates see it through - horrible, horrible man - and stupid with it to do this.

Dodged a bullet Lurchers - 💐

They too often aren’t interested in anything else - relational ones - if that’s what you want - take a long time to find and you may need to hold back to figure this out. Not always but given my experience this last 1-4 years that is mostly the case. Unless of course you really just want a hook up.

Have you cancelled yet?

I would be saying "I'm out".

Thanks, I'll see you and match you a 58 year old "business owner" in mid Devon.
Match and Hinge.

You're spot on!

My friends are people whose values I admire and yep...those benefits are underwhelming 😁💙🩷💜

Welcome @Whocares72

@Ilovelurchers I thought your message was going to end "so he wants to know if he needs his viagra" 😱

Thanks all. Rather stupidly, I am arguing with him over text, attempting to make some kind of point to him about how absurd and insulting he has been. Which clearly is never going to work, and I need to just block and forget.

Yes. Just block. What was his "excuse"?

No excuse. Apparently I am in the wrong. And "how dare I?"

Because he likes sex. So there you go.

(Hate the way men use this as an excuse, as if liking sex makes them somehow edgy and exciting. As if the majority of adults don't like it.....)

I am so glad you didn't go.

I'd have been worried for your safety 💙

@Ilovelurchers What an absolute tosser. Sorry to hear it turned out this way!

I guess from what you’ve told us so far, but like Lurchers said nobody knows him better than you on the thread.

I just don’t like the way he’s treated you and made you feel about yourself

Oh wow!! At least he asked before the date and not during it, I’d have felt so creeped out if that was to happen. Men can be so disappointing but also totally oblivious to it.

Thanks @empirebiscuits12

On reflection the comments on the 21 yo being "obese" were way worse.

Mr Bursar has told me that I am a "patronising cow' and that lots of women "enjoy his approach".

Funny that, because none of the lovely women on here have said they would enjoy being asked about their underwear pre first date, and none of my friends and family I told said they would like it, either.

So who are these women? Inventions of his tiny mind?

Honestly, I am not even against one night stands, if the feeling is right. And I have been known to enjoy sexting with the right guy.

But being asked stuff like that before I have even met, and with my profile and messages clearly stating I am not after hook ups (which he said was "ambiguous'. Presumably he also finds the word "no" ambiguous).

Not finding it fun at the moment. I had the disappointment of Mr T-Rex, on Thursday (which to be fair was nobody's fault - he was a nice guy - just not for me) and then this.....

I'm half tempted to cancel Mr Good-looking tomorrow and just give up! But actually, Good-looking has been nothing but decent. I am not sure we will have much in common, but I do feel weeks of polite daily messaging deserves a date. And maybe he will restore my faith a little after horrible Bursar tonight......

(And all the horror stories I hear from you guys, and from my RL friends. Honestly. I know it's not all men. But sometimes it feels like it's most.....)

@Ilovelurchers have you blocked him now?

This pondlife is not worth your time.

I am SO sorry but don't miss Mr G-L because of this ape xxx

Tea after Fortnums

The tea date was an experience. OlderMan picked me up at Fortnum's, which felt very staged, all Saturday shopping tourists staring at tea and whatever. We went to his nearby members club for tea. He was 44, widower, very polite, a bit stiff with a forced smile.

The age gap wasn't the issue, it was the lingering grief. He was soon talking about his late wife like she was a saint he was currently auditioning to replace. She died two years ago. I felt like I was on a job interview for the role of "grieving widower companion." This part was a big turn-off. I need passion and laughter, not a rolling memorial service. My initial idea was that at 44, he’d have his life together, no messy flatshares, no panic about career trajectories, just a solid job, house and some sort of a routine. I admit, the "widower" angle had a certain tragic romantic appeal in my head before we met. I imagined someone mature, grateful for female company, maybe a bit intense given what he’d lost. I also thought he might be worldly and grounded in a way the guys my age aren't.

He looked like a lecturer who’d given up on making it to Professor, soft around the middle, grey hair thinning a bit on top, very sensible glasses. He had nice hands, I focused on them when I didn’t want to look him in the eyes. He had this sad look in those eyes the whole time, like he was waiting for permission to breathe. It just made me want to pat him on the head and send him home, not dream of anything steamy. Could he be a friend with benefits and culture? Honestly, no. He seemed like the type who'd want to hold hands and weep over more tea rather than f**k. I need someone with a bit more urgency. He was too busy being respectful and sad. I went into it thinking that FWB&C with him could be fun for a while but no, just no.

That was an interesting one.

Beats "a sunday roast and a walk".

Did you like him first? If not and IIRC you're 28, it's a teensy bit sleazy/deluded on his part. (I'm a widow so I can be a bit mean!!).

Well Mr Peach is doing the slow fade and I’m feeling not too bothered by it because my focus is more on Mr Tall. Still chatting on the app but no mention of a date. As far as I know he hasn’t had any dates, so maybe just a bit rusty? I’m not one for suggesting a date although I think that may be because the man has always got in there first. Been chatting for about 3 days now so I’ll give it more time.

Hows everyone doing today?

>Did you like him first? If not and IIRC you're 28, it's a teensy bit sleazy/deluded on his part. (I'm a widow so I can be a bit mean!!).

He contacted me. A lot of older men do. Seemed interesting and maybe not too old. At least for something light.

29 but feel 19 sometimes.

I'm of two minds over what I want. In fact I want two things. One is something stable and long term. The other is that, in the interim, I'm good with something lower key but not ONSish. I would never ONS anyway because I live by a three meets rule, or think I do.

I think if he’s rusty maybe just go for it and ask if he wants to meet? I was never one for asking but did with someone and am glad I did 😊 x

Can you hint heavily? I would 😁

Hi everyone, I’ve mostly been trying to keep up with the thread which was moving way faster than my dating life 😂 Until recently.

But I actually met an iron in the wild last night! A male friend brought a friend of his to my local to watch the football, and my friends and I went out to a club after, which I rarely do. Both guys turned up shortly after and he said he really fancied me and was hoping to bump into me again. We chatted for ages and he was really open and seems very emotionally aware which is fairly rare in men I meet. Also tall, dark and very handsome and lives 5 mins walk away so he made sure I got home safe. I know his friend well and he’s said he’s a really decent guy. So it seems when I’m wearing an England shirt and little denim shorts and not even trying I have more luck!
I have another IRL iron at work which is moving slowly but he’s a lovely human being, Thoroughly enjoying getting to know him and if it works out he’d be my preference, but if not I think we’d be good friends.
Its taken me surprise a bit as most of my dates have been from apps but meeting in the wild is so much better.

Can’t comment on everything on the thread as there’s so much but @Nosdacariad you’re doing brilliantly staying strong and not texting planes. It’s the right thing to do for your sanity and wellbeing, and I know myself it’s not easy.

Thanks @Brightbluesomething and such good news on the double irons.

Keep us posted!

@Brightbluesomething wow in the wild?! Good work!

Speaking of which, I bumped into a guy early this morning on my dog walk. Coming back from the park and a little dog toddled around the corner and I couldn’t see an owner so we stood with it and next thing, a guy exactly my type comes around. Physically he was spot on, plus he was friendly and has charisma. We chatted for a few minutes and then he was gone. I would bet every penny I have though that he’s not single because in my area that would be a rarity. It’s all young families, elderly or couples whose kids have flown the nest. Think good schools etc etc. I know I’m single however I pushed my budget to the limit to stay in the area to keep my daughter at the same school when I broke up with my ex many moons ago. So I let him swan off into the distance without getting my flirt on.

@Nosdacariad yes I dropped a flirty hint to Mr Tall earlier and I await his reply 😁 haven’t heard from Mr Peach at all today which is unusual but it’s the slow fade, isn’t it.