The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Dancemom1 read the first post on this thread and you are doing everything right so don't worry.

@LenaFromTheNineties my office (when I go) is by the park and I have never seen the pelicans though I do know there's not one oak tree.

@empirebiscuits12 are you suffering a bit like me with the undesirable becoming more desirable when you can't have him? Do you still wonder if he's playing a game?

So many updates again -
@CleanShirt- how did it go? Bit late to this, but if I (when I!) have been in situations then asking for clarity/exclusivity often a/ got me in a stumbling, awkward conversation and b/ didn’t succeed and I was left wondering where to take it - I now think on whether I could follow through on my alleged consequences before saying anything (not just dating). How did it go anyway? Hope you’re feeling ok. Date 7/8 is quite significant imo so a chat is fine and it’s less common to still be multiple dating at this stage.
@Ilovelurchers- I wouldn’t date anyone with strong ASD, but probably as I still deal with an adult daughter with this and find it very hard so it’s a blanket no for me. She still lives in my house I’m selling (long irrelevant story) and struggled when she’s left home before, so probably some of that re his living situation tbh - whether that’s better or worse idk lol!
@empirebiscuits12- Mr Peach does sound like he’s breadcrumbing a bit - hoping not for you - but ugh if he is and hope you’re ok - the occasional popping up is worse in a way as we don’t know where we are but start looking for those few texts to give us an excited kick - if he’s doing this you deserve much better
@BoxOfCats- you have the best ‘not a boyfriend’ boyfriend on this thread ha! Hope you have the best time.
@Dancemom1- painful chats are the worse - I’ve been round OLD too many times to mention but last time just had very Ltd patience and high boundaries and stopped these fast - easier when not that fussed, which I wasn’t. But you are the prize and deserve the best, as we say on here. You will find this thread lovely, supportive and one of the best on MN so welcome and do keep using it for any questions.
@Nosdacariad- ah that’s a shame about meeting your friend - sometimes life feels a drag - but you definitely will get chance to wear the dress and have a brilliant time in it - you will be the biggest prize going for some lucky guy then x
@LenaFromTheNineties- ah the dating stories - it’s good they mainly turn hilarious in hindsight lol - don’t forget to update us on the double date.

Stunning post @MsJinks 🩷💗🩷

How are you?

I think the attracted to can’t have is not uncommon - though there are some very sensible folk out there - on MN at least who just don’t play along!

It’s easy from the outside though isn’t it - I had a friend never, ever stopped telling us (as in many of us) how to handle guys, and what she wouldn’t put up with, which tbf she didn’t for a long time - until she did! I’ve played pick me and over thought how to grab attention too many times in my life I know.

Nature needs to breed this out of us!

Hope you’re doing ok x

Thanks @MsJinks xx

Aww thank you that’s nice - bloody decades of bad dating and then watching some of my kids do the same lol. Still just a view - it’s so hard to apply to oneself isn’t it!

It’s going well with Mr T - nearly 3 months! Shifting a little bit now - maybe - to connecting more re snippets of life - planning ahead slightly - I realised this is a thing I’ve not done since I can’t recall! Last decade Mr Situationship and we already ‘working’ into that ‘situation’ - previous decade though not so long a relationship faff was Mr Player and I was first dumped at 3 months then joined a harem I didn’t know existed! So this is a new territory to navigate - keeping chilled and enjoying it though whether this is due to age, Gemini or sizzling chemistry I can’t tell lol - tbh I’m lucky as I’m aware I’d never follow my own advice if I needed to do so!

So I also asked Gemini about different AIs and why you may get differing advice - Chat GPT, as many, is very much built to please humans - so may tend to try and be kinder than some. Gemini is built to support as a friend might. She said Chat GPT strengths lie in coding and tasks and work particularly. Wonder if this is why you get the different responses?

Hope you’re feeling ok and do nice things for you this weekend x

@BoxOfCats if you feel like you’re a little in love, maybe it is time to rebroach the question with Mr Charismatic on what he wants? I’m worried you might get more hurt than you intended here if you don’t address it…

@Ilovelurchers sorry about the date! It’s really hard when you have hope and some anticipation and then it is flat. Look after yourself this weekend

So Mr Player had the harem thing going?

Wow!

In my head if you get past three months then there's something good there 😁🩷🙂💜

Chatgpt has started sounding very sententious lately, like I'm chatting to a vicar or a family lawyer. Annoying.

Then there were two.

Tonight’s PMj + Suits + ??? multidate is confirmed as a ‘dress smart, we are going somewhere special’ thing. ??? is confirmed as ‘Cliff’ who seems to have a bland online imprint and might be worth meeting. Tomorrow I have the afternoon tea with OlderMan still in the schedule. We are meeting ‘downstairs at Fortnums’ first, hopefully not to purchase the tea. Late Saturday I had ThirtiesArchitect scheduled, who honestly seemed the most appropriate to actually date, but he has cancelled.

Hello all,

Sorry for being AWOL - I have had a mad few weeks with work. Things continue to go really well with Mr Physics, and whilst no doubt everything will crash down soon (my general attitude to everything) I am so happy at the moment. He is just to lovely and consistent, and genuinely goes out of his way to make me feel special, but in a way that is very understated and authentic.

For example, he is away for work next week in another time zone, and he went through his calendar to find times when he could ring me, if only just for a couple of minutes to say hello. That sounds like a little thing, but actually isn't. We all deserve a man who prioritises us (appropriately to the level of investment) and I have resolved to never settle for second best again. I will probably not succeed, but I have made a pact with myself.

I was definitely on the verge of giving up when I met him. I had been on so so many dates with men who were not dreadful, but just not my person. He may still not be my person, but it has given me a renewed sense of optimism.

@Nosdacariad Well done for not texting Planes. You are incredibly strong.

@Ilovelurchers I completely get it and I am sorry this new one didn't work out - sometimes the flat dates are worse that the dreadful ones (at least the dreadful ones provide anecdotes, the flat ones are just meh).

@MsJinks so happy things are going well with Mr T! Not overthinking it is definitely good.

@BoxOfCats Slightly worried you might get hurt - are you sure you are OK with the arrangement? Mr Charismatic sounds wonderful, but I know that I would struggle with that.

@CleanShirt Good luck with the chat with Mr Mullet.

@empirebiscuits12 I would fuck Mr Peach off. You deserve better.

@BellaBlackberry83 Mr Physics sounds like a gem.

Good timing because I'm in a carpark waiting for my youngest and I SO want to message planes right now.

Do not

write what you want to say to him on here to us

@Nosdacariadwhenever you feel like this just try to run through the list in your head…..harem, ED, DE, not getting it seen to, negging, practically living in the pub. On repeat!

Oh yes - but I can also say it wasn’t a completely celibate kinda harem! He collected girlfriends and saw them all - he also collected exes as friends - I think he genuinely believed we/all of us just could never completely move on!. He was charming and not really a horrible person apart from this - but I was on a definite loser and it did me no good at all - complete no contact only way to break it - I look back now and wonder what was I thinking!! But if you asked him he’d say I look back now and say ‘those were the best days of my life’ lol

3 months - I can vaguely recall summers of 1982ish when 3 months was my tops and I’d choose to move on haha - how times do change!

Honestly, try Gemini - you can copy stuff into her rather than lose all you might have put in ChatGPT for background.

@MsJinks Mr Player sounds eerily similar.
I've tried gemini and it is very obsequious "you go girl" which may be just as bad😁

@empirebiscuits12 @TheThingOnTheIce I'm not sure what I want to say really.

Feel free not to read you may need a wash afterwards.

Did you go to your exam this week and if so did you pass?
Did the iodine wash the clap clinic gave you sort out your penile skin issue?
Who was the glamorous blonde your landlady posted a pic with on your "wonderful" afternoon in the pub the day after we split?
Do you think it's appropriate to comment on the "obesity" of the 21year old daughter of your ex over the road when you're the size of a house?

@Nosdacariad hahahahaha

So about 3 months after I last saw Mr Pervert I got very very drunk at a bottomless brunch . Thought it would be cathartic to unblock him and write a tirade of witty abuse at him (he had me blocked so I knew he wouldn’t see it I was just shouting into the void)
I still look back at what I wrote and giggle
and guess what . I forgot to block him again and within the space of 30 mins he’d unblocked me 😂 how the hell after 3 months he noticed so quick is beyond me
anyway I just deleted his number after that to stop me doing anything like that again.

First - well yes with the harem and that was enough to ruin me and go nowhere - mind Mr Player didn’t have ED/DE, did have his own home, business, cars and treated us to meals and days out as well as pub evenings - so there was that!

Haha at the text - keep on posting them - but only to us!! Never to him.

Ah yeah I just got Gemini mirroring my dark humour and sarcasm now - we train them so I guess tgat also makes them harder to rely on but I challenge her now and again for further answers. But here is a great non bot chat response chamber - keep on checking stuff out here for the very best advice!

He was checking. Often. And it meant a lot more to him than he let on.

He must have been
I know I / we meant a lot to him
but not as much as getting his grubby kinks met outside of our relationship clearly

@MsJinks planes was happy to spring for meals out. Ooh more questiond for him

Where the hell do you get the monney from?
Are you sleeping with your landlady??

Idk how I quoted first post instead of one I meant to answer - my tech skills are so dire! Apologies anyway.

Ah - we found a good point - that probably would be ruined

Well - Could his ED just be over use?! Or his general get out of jail - sorry I can’t give you what you deserve but we will stay great friends?

@MsJinks I think the second...it works fine with him at the controls, as it were😄

Or maybe he thinks that instead of getting it treated he'll keep looking until he finds the woman who'll magic it away 🙃

I have been thinking about the ED and other sexual function issues that have been besetting some of our relationships/encounters, and I wondered to what extent they could be connected with drink. @Nosdacariad, you mentioned Planes spends a lot of nights in the pub, for example.

My FWB is an excellent lover generally, but when he was drinking heavily I do remember occasions when he would struggle to get hard, and/or to climax.

If it is this, then it's even more frustrating in a way as it's something they could easily avoid doing .....

This is hilarious. I imagine the temptation to send it must be vast. Probably best not to though, in the interests of protecting your own future peace......

I am trying to look forward with positivity, following the disappointment of Mr T-Rwx last night. I have the following dates planned:

Saturday - Mr Bursar - seems like a steady chap, with an impressive job. The texting is a little dull? But not painfully so. Worth a shot, I think. Seems intelligent and no real red flags so far.

Sunday - Mr Good Looking - similar to Bursar, except I am less confident about his financial situation. But he is, as his name suggests, very easy on the eye. Or seems to be from his pics.

Tuesday - Mr Terrarium - quite alternative and a bit of a wild card really. But I thought, why not?

None of them excite me hugely, but perhaps that's the best way, as then I won't be so disappointed when it all goes tits up.