The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Best of luck to those who have dates tonight! 🤍

@Ilovelurchers haha I sent an iron a photo of myself on a train and he unmatched me😁

He sounds like a wet lettuce. Hope I'm wrong xxx

I don't understand, are you saying you'll only date white men?

No not at all. Have not said that. The two big relationships I have had [added word in edit] have been. My musing was about cross-cultural/religious relationships following the post about dating/not-dating Muslim men (and my Korean friend currently wanting to date anyone but a Korean while in London).

He's still coming at least, hasn't chickened out. He is at the bar now and I am outside waiting. ARGH? (Fucking hate first dates).

What are you waiting for woman?!

Most of my first dates have started at big neutral spaces: a park, gallery, museum. Never gone for bar things, but there was the recent hotel bar following a pub outing with my friend and that was odd. I'll try to remember the cringe and not so cringe ones.

@Ilovelurchers Good luck, I bet you look amazing!

Well, that was a nice date in many ways, but he is not the man for me. He was handsome, very respectful, interesting to chat to, but very clearly on the ASD spectrum, and I just can't see how it would work out. It also transpires that he lives with his mom and dad, and always has (he is about 40). If I became his girlfriend I think I would end up mothering him quite a lot, and that's the last thing I need right now......

It was very pleasant to spend time with him, but I just don't see a relationship between us being possible. I would potentially meet up again as friends?

Thanks for all the good luck wishes by the way!

Loo update?

@Nosdacariad stay strong! 💪🏻

@CleanShirt I hope you get some clarity.

Nothing to update from me. No swiping as not been feeling it at the moment. Quite busy too so not much opportunity to go on dates in the next few weeks. Might leave it a few weeks and then some get on some new apps and see what happens.

Maybe that explains why he didn't twig a compliment was a good response to your photo.

I think you have made the only choice, it's not what I would want either - I want a fully fledged adult (nothing to do with neurodiversity).

Agreed! He is a sweet, kind fella with good values, and will make somebody a lovely boyfriend, but not me! I need someone with a bit more life experience, and his own place, and his shit togwther a bit more, quite frankly...

Feeling pretty low (despite having had a pleasant evening) - I don't think my standards are unreasonably high, and yet it just seems so bloody impossible to meet anybody compatible.

I totally hear you and it's horrid when you have your hopes dashed xxx

Any tips, on this situation
i have matched with a guy and been messaging but he only ever answers ny questions and not even in depth. So ive ended up getting bored and stopped replying now.

This is one we have discussed before on here. Some people said they unmatch if a guy doesn't ask any questions. I think to me it would depend how long this has been going on, and how I felt about him in other regards (his pictures, his job, his hobbies...)

But not asking questions, and having dry, boring chat, is certainly not a good sign.

How long has the chat been like this?

@IlovelurchersAhhh sorry it didn’t work out. At least you clocked straight away it wouldn’t be a good fit!

@Dancemom1 Personally I would unmatch, I just have no energy for someone who can’t manage a decent conversation or where there is no chemistry.

Long weekend where I am, so I have Friday off! Messaged Mr Charismatic to see if I could take him out for dinner (as he’s invited me out to a few places recently and always insists on paying) and he said yes.

I think I’m a little bit in love with him… 🤦‍♀️

@Ilovelurchers all week been going on same thing each day
also ive only just joined this thread so not read anything previously about it,
and im also v new to dating

Sorry lovely - I know you are new to the thread - sorry if I sounded like I was excluding you, I didn't mean it like that at all - I was just trying to say that it's an issue that comes up for a lot of us.

To be honest I would probably call it quits, if the chat has been boring and dry for a week.... Though is there something about him that makes you want to persevere? (I have one iron who is really nice and polite but the chat is a bit boring, but he is so sweet, plus very good looking, that I have decided to go on a date with him and just hope he is more interesting in the flesh.....)

Ugh, no. Another man living at home. I get that a lot of men move back home when relationships end, but this man has never moved out? 😬 I’ve never been able to bring myself to ask a guy if he has his own place in case he thinks I’m looking to be invited back at the end of a first date, before it’s even begun. But I think I may have to be a bit bolder just to make sure I eliminate these men before meeting.

It’s so deflating when it’s clear someone just isn’t for you, so I’m sorry lovely. Sending hugs and hopefully your upcoming date is more promising!

Cringes from the last year. A hapless mini-one was the St. James’ Park meetup. He texted “meet opposite the pelicans”. Of course the pelicans were having a wander and we independently went looking for them. I spotted him first because he had the stance of a pelican seeker. We do the awkward little wave, and then it's straight into the hug-kiss-on-cheek territory. “Pelicans, eh?” he said. ‘Yes, pelicans’, I replied. The conversation didn’t get much better. We just weren’t right for each other and should have stopped there. We walked up to Green Park and he bought me a coffee at the big kiosk near the tube entrance. He didn’t have anything. We had little really to say to each other and talked pelicans more than anything else. “See you” he called as we parted. He sent me some emoji messages later that day.

Cringe 2, Restaurant meal in Soho, dead quiet, white tablecloths, the works. We were in that lull where you've finished the starters and you're just staring at each other waiting for the mains. Then it happened. A loud, unmistakable trumpet blast. He didn't even flinch. Just stared me dead in the eye and said, "Better out than in, right?" Like he was proud of it. I’ve backdated the name Flatulent Financier to him, but he was a Vince.

Cringe 3. The absolute worst was History Harry at the British Museum. I told him I’m doing a PhD in History, and what does he do? He proceeds to lecture me on the Rosetta Stone for twenty minutes. Slowly. Like he was reading off a plaque for primary school children. I just stared at him, wishing the floor would open up and swallow me whole. I didn't have the heart to tell him I included Rosetta once in a seminar paper on decipherment.

I typed these as a displacement activity as I am still trying to find out what the double date or whatever I have now agreed to on Friday night amounts to. Will wing it. Like a pelican.

Definitely unmatch! Can only imagine what he’d be like on a date, talking about himself the whole time. You deserve someone who’s interested in you and hanging on your every word!

So my Mr Peach situation. I was in a bit of a tizzy because he hadn’t messaged as usual the other morning…. I ended up just messaging him, as you know. He did get back eventually but then didn’t hear from him again.

I went back online and have been chatting with a guy I’ll call Mr Tall. Ticks a lot of boxes on paper and the chat is just at that point where it’s polite chatter that’s starting to get off the ground. And then guess who pops back up on my phone?! I thought Mr Peach had done the slow fade. I’ve chatted to multiples before but the difference (to me anyway) is that I’ve slept with 🍑 Not even sure if I’m asking a question here but had to get that off my chest because it’s left me feeling a bit weird.

No worries @Ilovelurchers thanks for reply

il give it a few more days but im not going to be making all the effort and il see where it goes

Uh oh! Sending long distance vibes to Charismatic to WAKE UP TO WHAT'S IN FRONT OF HIM!