The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Meeting Mr Mullet later for dinner and an event. Date 7 or 8 I think. Really going to have to put my big girl pants on at some point and have a conversation and / or call it a day.

Sounds like things are going well but definitely worth a conversation at this point xx

"well" is quite a strong term 🤣 he's still VERY much dating several other people and goes awol when he's on these dates (fine to message other people when he's sitting with me but I digress!). I'll see how I feel after tonight.

Thursday. Where has the week gone? I have up to three ‘dates’ ahead. Friday night might be the PMj + Suits + ??? going out or whatever. It is so vague that it might not happen. Saturday I have an afternoon tea with OlderMan. Late Saturday there's ThirtiesArchitect wanting to do something, but I am not sure what. First and third are therefore vague and might not transpire, second could be a cake fest.

Ah I see sorry! In which case no I don’t like this 😬 I would be wanting exclusivity or an out like you said xx

@Mildred007 @Betsy95 thank you.

I'm not sure kind, considerate and caring is a man thing. All the ones I've known have been very self focused.

@LenaFromTheNineties I don't understand, are you saying you'll only date white men?

An open conversation will be a good test xxx🍀🍀🍀

@Nosdacariad I go quite non verbal in situations like that 🫠 how are you feeling today?

@Betsy95 I think it's also telling me I should turn my full attention to Mr Hat. Mullet is 100% my physical type, whereas Hat isn't, but he's a much much better human being.

In the long run the nicer human being will be better for you, so yes I’d go with Mr Hat 💐 xx

Can you prepare in advance? Show him the prompt on your phone?

I was feeling crap but just talking to a workmate who was horrified by the story of planes and said STAY AWAY! So feeling like I've escaped something dire does help.

I know you have all said it but my stupid brain defaults to loving him if I don't get top-up doses of reality 🙃

I'd be really tempted to do this myself, I'll be honest - but I agree with the others that if you can possibly resist it, you should.

I know it's bloody hard, though.

But would he be texting you if the situations were reversed?

Stay strong if you can. X

Not a ‘stupid brain’ a brain searching for a chemical due to a great big heart.

We also normalise stuff too easily - I was telling Mr T about my one of my kid’s partners and he looked boggled whereas we had got to ‘oh that’s just Mr Not so Magic lol - and definitely my daughter looked for reasons and excuses for shite behaviour to make it ok in her head.

I give the above story about someone else, but I’ve done it myself - totally get it - but now you’ve started telling folk do keep on doing so to get the more unfiltered opinions and help remind yourself he wasn’t who you’d thought he was sadly.

You are the prize - especially in your Boden dress 💗

No. Would he heckaslike!

Too late now as it must have begun 🙂

One work friend said planes sounds like a cult leader.
The cult of the overweight, sexually dysfunctional man child?

Ooh thanks which arrived today but nowhere to wear it to...yet!

I thought I was going to London office next week and seeing a guy I adore who until a couple of weeks ago I thought was gay...but event seems to have damp squibbed.

That's so interesting - one of my exes, the one who managed to convince me I was hideous, even though I was young and lovely at the time and he looked like a hideous old tortoise, was an investigative journalist and writer, and one of the main things he investigated were religious cults.

And my therapist, when I explained the way ex treated me, was convinced he was using strategies he has learned from investigating cult leaders.....

Clearly it's a thing amomg negging bastards!

So, is your position that at this point you would like it to be an exclusive relationship? And if he can't commit to that you are out?

What would you feel if he said he was open to continuing but on a FWB basis?

I definitely think you should try and discuss it with him if you can. It feels like it's quite stressful for you at the moment, and you need clarity either way.....

I wonder if neurolinguistic programming plays a role.

@CleanShirt could you say "I'm going to be available solely for an exclusive relationship from now on" and stop talking, see what shakes out?

Also @CleanShirt I am NOT in a position to give advice 😱

Nor me - I could hardly make more stupid romantic decisions if I tried! I often think people should listen to my advice then do the opposite......

I've got a date with Mr T-Rex tonight. He has been lovely over messages, so we'll see....

I have noticed that all of his photos are of him performing in gigs - they are good pics, but don't show him very clearly. So I have no idea what I am expecting, looks-wise. But I often find blokes don't look remotely like their pics, anyway .....

I just wish it wasn't so hot - it's going to be hard to look like anything other than a sweaty mess! On the plus side, I suppose the heat provides a good excuse to cut the date fairly short if we don't have much to say to each other .....

Same
I feel like my love life is somewhat or a joke and it’s an embarrassment to me now

@TheThingOnTheIce @Ilovelurchers @CleanShirt friends keep saying I should writeca book but I think it has been done 😁

I just sent T-Rex a picture of me, dressed up for the date, so that he can recognise me, and he replied but without any kind of "you look nice". That's pissed me off a bit. I don't like excessive compliments, but isn't that simple manners?

Anyway, I will try not to let it prejudice me against him.....

It gets worse - he has sent a picture of himself and he looks fucking stunning - I had somehow failed to notice that he is almost 10 years younger than me! And looks it.

So maybe he didn't say anything because he is horrified by what an old crone I am?

To be fair, my pics on my Bumble profile are recent and accurate, so I refuse to feel bad about it......