Husband said he wants to spilt up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 3

[mummy917]

Just another follow on thread from the last 2 😊

Probably something along the lines that she should want her children to be comfortable at his house…

@mummy917 well you know now not to loan him / give him anything else , what an almighty creep he is , you are well rid .

I’m definitely well rid. And the biggest joke is that he hasn’t given me any bullshit excuse. Just refusing to pay it. Said there’s nothing I can do etc and the maddening thing is, he’s right. I was a first class fool for trusting he would keep to his word. I mean why would he, it’s not really like he’s got form for putting anyone at all above himself.

So sorry. He's obviously not to be trusted at all where money is concerned, and probably most other things too. The sooner your financial affairs are completely separate the better.

You could tell him they are your mattresses then and you want them or you could chalk this up as an annoying but valuable lesson. He will need help again, now you know that you cannot do it because he will always put his own interests first and you have to do the same.

Please tell me he at least said this in writing?

I was thinking that, if he put it in writing that he'd pay you back and that's why you agreed, and if then he put it in writing that he's refusing, could OP go to small claims for this?

There is something you can do about it.

You can still include it in your divorce settlement.

Also he has given you a valuable reminder of just how much of a shit he is.

No more financial helping hands for him.

There We Are Then.

Maybe it’s a good thing in the long term. If it galvanises you to get the divorce rolling and do what you need to to protect yourself financially - without always feeling like you need to consider him in some way or that you need to keep providing what he should be providing - then it will be money well spent.

Remember you actually did it for your children, and their comfort, and who knows what he would have provided for them being the selfish twat that he is.

What a nasty piece of work he is.

You're certainly not a fool @mummy917, you'd repay someone in this situation, so you judged him by your own standards.

Oh Op he’s unbelievable keep a note of the costs of everything you supplied to him do not give him anything again he can buy his own nappies suncream etc. he is literally kicking you down then stamping all over you. You remember you did this for your children he thinks he’s got one over on you but he hasn’t. Op yes be angry but learn from it now this is what you are dealing with a manchild cunt twat etc. what type of twattoo father does this to his own children don’t give him anything again no leeway on times etc. he’s made his bed now to let him lie in it. I feel like screaming for you op.

I have to say that I agree with going round with a couple of burly blokes and taking them back.

I am not normally of fan of that kind of stuff but as he isnt above bullying you, you shouldnt be above it either.

And no duvets etc the next time he picks them up.

I do have it all in writing, the messages are on WhatsApp and have since been screenshotted and shared with my best friend, should anything ever happen to my phone.

Yes. I am continuing to tell myself that I did it for good, genuine reasons for my kids and I don’t regret that. I do regret trusting him though.

I didn’t think he could stoop any lower.

I have learned a very valuable (literally) lesson and will be doing him no more favours in any sense.

I really did not want this whole situation to turn me bitter or to end up hating him, but both of those things are seeming less and less likely by the day.

I have a note of everything down to the penny of what I’ve bought/spent and where I’ve helped him out.

He knows you will always do the best for your children and he’s using that against you. He’s an awful human being.

You're doing really well ❤

However you cannot take your husband to small claims as a married couple are considered a single financial entity. You can include it in the financial settlement of the divorce though! All the more reason to get that paperwork started!

What a pathetic weasel not even having the decency to make back for the mattresses for his own children at his house!

@mummy917
I’d suggest downloading and saving your WhatsApp conversations frequently. That way you have everything if one of you deletes the chat

@mummy917

Remember the quote from the wise Dr Maya Angelou; "You did then what you knew how to do. Now that you know better, you'll do better".

So don't kick yourself for paying for the mattresses. It was 'what you knew how to do'. Now you know better than to expect him to hold up his end of anything. So you'll 'do better' and refuse any future instincts to 'help him out'.

He can’t pay for mattresses, he has a twattoo to finish. Obviously that’s much more important than the comfort of his children. Feel
for you OP.

So I’m assuming after his first payday he’s suddenly realised how little he’s going to have to live on financially after paying rent, council tax, bills. Providing food, petrol etc is going to pretty much wipe him out I’m guessing and he’s now throwing his toys out the pram. It’s not quite working out how he expected is it? I’m so sorry you’ve been let down so spectacularly again and ended up having to have another argument.

You can put the receipts for setting up HIS and YOUR house into the financial split - put in you paid for new couch, kitchen things, mattresses for him, and it should all be split?

Thats not true as some married couples will have separate finances, so small claims court could absolutely be possible especially with written proof. Without it in writing it would be easy for him to claim it was child related etc but nothing about small claims automatically excludes those married.

However you are right that it may be better to settle as part of the divorce finances.

I have a recipe for Australian beef wellington if you want it.