ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

This is not a relationship!

Leave him and find someone lovely who deserves you!

You are being silly. I listen to Eric Braa telling me to get comfortable and relax in my bed most nights. I’d think DP had lost his marbles if he objected.

It did but it scrapped it because people were upset that it was being used as a derisory laugh.

You'll have to use "thanks".

I actually do understand what you mean about it seeming "suggestive"
I think you're getting it really tight on here, (unfairly)
I'm a hetro woman and I love listening to it, man or woman doing the whispering.
I do not get aroused, I just find it so soothing.

Never heard of it.
Just clicked on the you tube link and frankly I thought she was going to crawl out of the telly towards me like ‘The Ring’

Ill stick with Jason Stevenson thanks.

oh and @Sunnyday410 - yes you are being unreasonable. And silly.
Jealousy is a really horrible trait and all it does is make you unhappy. What do you think he’s going to do -run off with her??
All men fantasise about other women . If he’s giving himself a quick tug every night while listening to her you may have something to discuss but otherwise just leave him to it!

I'm not sure it is particularly sexy OP. Much of it seems designed to torture people suffering from misophonia.

WTA just clicked oin your link and you are right: it is sexier than the ones running hands through trays of coco pops.

@Sunnyday410 how do you know it's not making him think about you?

Everyone has an imagination. Are you saying hes not allowed to imagine anything or anyone other than you?

I do think your being quite UR yes but based on your comments about being lonely I think it is also a bit understandable. Have you spoken to him about wanting to see him more often? What changes have you both agreed to to enable that?

Er I think there are a lot worse things he could be looking at online 🤣🤣

What is ASMR

How do you know he doesn’t fantasise about you saying these things to him while he’s listening? If you’re lonely because you don’t see him much then maybe he is too.

If you want to leave him then that’s your decision. But I think it will be hard to have a relationship until you are further along in your therapy journey

Huh? For a long time I was the only person who actually replied in support of the OP in this thread. I just think her assumption here is really odd.

Thank you I am grateful the grown ups have joined the conversation people who actually are speaking sense thank you

Well that's rude of you.
Please don't infantalise people who don't agree with you

Honestly? You can't be everything to someone, that is why we need and have friends or people who share some of our interests. He clearly gets a lot from you which is why you are in a relationship together.

Have you tried talking to him like the video? Do you want to?

I do think it would be a strange reason to leave someone as demonstrated by this thread but ultimately if this is your hill to die on then end the relationship.

Oh sorry I thought you also posted the deleted post. I couldn't still see obviously ... but when you attached your post to it it seemed part of the same exchange.

But she is getting a bit of a pile on.

Oh you only want to read people agreeing with you. If you’re not interested in another point of view may as well forget it. Sorry, but you’re being well over the top. Poor bloke.

This has turned in to so much more than I thought, I am fully aware my mind is not what it should be, thank you for people who can even slightly understand, I struggling with my feelings and I am desperately trying to be everything for everyone I do so much I look after my family the best I can. I think this subject is more about me and other concerns it was just this one was today. I am so very sorry. I will do my best to try harder thank you

There is plenty of sexual, onlyfans type ‘ASMR’ on TikTok!

Is that supposed to hurt me

Not at all, more to point out to the posters who are shocked to see it from your point of view, that sexual content absolutely is out there - just because they haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it’s not a ‘thing’.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Talk with your therapist about why this is so triggering.

Thought I’d try listening to one as never had….
this one includes plugs for a brand of pillows near the beginning😂

@Sunnyday410 - I am the equivalent of your partner - I listen to audiobooks in bed, to help me drop off. My favourite author/narrator is the historian Dan Jones - his voice makes me relax and fall asleep like no-one else can. My dh is completely happy with my choice of listening, and doesn’t feel upset or unsettled about it.

If you trust this man, and he says it is not sexual, it is purely for relaxation, I think you could believe him. But equally, I am not going to invalidate your feelings - you are unhappy and that feeling is real. But I do think you can look at the facts behind the feelings and decide whether the feelings are rational or not. If you decide they aren’t rational, maybe that will help you move past your current feelings of unhappiness.

OP you asked for opinions and you got them. You might not like them, but you asked for them and they do not invalidate your feelings. But feelings aren't fact, and the fact is to most of us this sounds like a relaxation thing not a sexual one.

How you feel is ok. But how you respond needs to be reasonable and proportionate. I dont think hes done anything bad/wrong/inappropriate but you dont need a reason to end it if this is a deal breaker for you. If you want to end it. End it.

Best of luck

Grow up. I had an ex like you. That’s why he’s an ex.