ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

Are you the woman in the video? Have we all clicked on your link and payed for your garden reno through your ad revenue?

If you're not her, that's going to be one puzzled content creator when she checks her stats and sees the uptick in traffic from mumsnet

Even if he is getting off on it... it isn't real!
It's ok to do things that you find sexual arousing.

You're allowed to not like it and you're allowed to leave him over it. Everyone has their own boundaries.

I can so the tears if you like

But she is not there for him and she’s not touching him!

You're lonely. You don't see him enough. That makes sense.

I think your reaction over the videos is misplaced but if you feel like he's choosing listening to that over putting in effort to spend time with you or talk with you, then it's more understandable.

Is going nuclear and ending the relationship really what you want? Or is there something worth salvaging and the two of you need to figure out how to spend more time together?

You’re allowed to be upset over anything you feel like….people are different and the fact is this upsets you.
What you do now is decide whether to end the relationship or accept the situation.

Yes but in his head.... fantasising..... I obviously dont understand. If thats what he wants then he can go and find her

Who owns the house, if you dump him will you have anywhere to live?

I give up.

Honestly - I hope you find peace. This is no way to live.

do you have friends? A social life? Do you not have weekends together?

I am a mum i work days he works nights we dont have a day off together unless we use holiday

Oh for the laugh reaction 😂

Grow the fuck up op.
Bloody hell all this drama because he listens to some woman, news flash i do the same.

No offence but you sound like a drama queen and quiet frankly a red flag.

Have you recorded yourself saying the words? I doubt it. I am sure if you did he would probably use your recording.

He hasn’t done anything wrong but you obviously don’t want to believe that. Let him be himself and let him go.

He's not allowed a fantasy life?

You sound suffocating.

Get a grip

You asked for perspective. You’ve received it. Does that help stop you spiralling? Your reaction is completely OTT.

Perhaps he hid it because he knew you’d be so unreasonable about a total nothing burger.

Stop looking for issues where there aren’t any. You’re 40! But you sound like a needy, paranoid teenager in their first relationship.

Ok everyone, this hasn't been productive, although has given me insights i will admit.
I was coming on for some clarity or support, people have said some nasty things to me I am not I am incredibly kind and loving but I dont have to justify my feelings. Thank you for the people who were considerate. I dont think this was the right place for me. Goodnight

How when I never see him.

You cant tell an adult man to stop listening to something just because its a womans voice.
Do you want to stop him from hearing all womans voices.

TBVH just split up.

I think maybe (ignoring the horrible comments) people are maybe just slightly shocked that this would be concerning. I assume maybe there are issues with your relationship wether it be lack of time together etc and this has caused you to overthink these asmr videos. Regardless of what the video is saying, it’s not porn, it’s not someone he knows. It’s a talking video to which I presume he falls asleep to. Trust me, if he was anyway attracted to her or was having sexual fantasies he wouldn’t be falling asleep.
Also to note if he is having the odd fantasy thats perfectly normal! I regularly fantasise about Rip out of Yellowstone but unfortunately he won’t be turning up at my door anytime soon.

You are starting to seem as though you are taunting the op now ...

This makes me want to rip my ears off.

OP - your feelings are your feelings. You feel them genuinely, they are real to you, and that sounds tricky.

However, your feelings are just that - they are not facts, they are not 'correct' and just because you feel strongly a certain way does not mean that your boyfriend has done anything wrong.

It's tricky for you to feel things so deeply, but this is not your boyfriend's issue, this is yours. You need to learn how to deal with feeling such deep feelings, when everyone here on this thread has shown you that your feelings are the problem here, not your boyfriend's actions.